Have you heard, "There are people worse off than you, stop complaining!"

WingCommander

Greetings All:

This was a typical response to ANY kind of complaint or sharing of a personal situation with anyone in the congregation. Instead of offering up some kind of physical or emotional support, almost 100% of the time me and my family would get the old:

"Don't you know that there are brothers worse off than you in the world, whom are truly hurting? Why are you complaining? We should be thankful for Jah for all we have, blah blah, blah. Maybe you should go out in the field ministry more in order to subject yourself to upbuilding work and spiritual food blah, blah, blah, blah........."

This was one of the most disheartening things I have ever been subjected to hearing upon myself, my family, and others hurting in the congregations. I'm wondering, this seems like a canned line, so let me ask; have any on here heard this before? I myself think this is one of the most incredibly rude, hurtful, un-Christian, and un-loving things to say to people. It also deflects any problem YOU may have away from yourself and onto others "worse off" than you somewhere else in the 3rd world. I myself got so sick and tired, and finally just plain PISSED OFF of hearing it, especially when my father was dying and no one lifted a finger to offer help to my mother and grandmother whom were exhausted from the emotional drain of caring for my dying father. I felt like punching them in the f**king head and screaming, "WE are worse off than YOU, so why don't you give us a f**king break already? I couldn't care less about someone on the other side of the planet, our problems are right here, right now!!!!!!" This cetainly isn't the example Jesus gave. Imagine, someone in need coming up to him and then having him hear, "Well, sorry, I can't perform any miracles on you or assist you right now. There is brother so-and-so in Etheopia whom I need to multiply bread for. Pray to my father, maybe he'll make manna rain from heaven for you." No! This is not how he acted. This was probably my second "awakening" that something wasn't right in Never-NeverLand. The Bible says you would know his flock by the love they share and the good works they do. So, where exactly kind I find these examples in society? My main opinion was that everyone was "out for themselves, and generally lacked emotion or empathy for anyone else in the congregation, much less worldly people.

How pathetic and sad. Sometimes I have to look back in absolute disgust as to how people and families were treated in this cult. Yes, I can now say I once belonged to a cult.

Regards,

Wing Commander

LongHairGal

I used to hear this quite frequently.

I was a single woman. Apparently, they are not allowed to complain because they couldn't possibly have any problems. Right? Of course, I realize that as a family there would be more problems by virtue of the fact that there are several people involved. Everybody has problems. Everybody has sickness and death in their family. But somehow in the congregation they didn't care about your problems unless you were related to or friends with the right people.

LHG

fullofdoubtnow

I had this said to me after I gave up pioneering due to ill health. After a few months, when it became obvious that I wasn't going back to pioneering, the elders used to tell me how people who had far more on their plate than me made time to pioneer, and they couldn't see what was holding me back.

To be honest, I got to hate those words, I was so relieved when they stopped saying them to me.

SirNose586

I say that to people sometimes, but only when needed! For example, I'll sometimes come across individuals going, "Man, I hate my small computer screen. I wish it were a few inches bigger" or "My car's gas bill is killing me!"

And then I tell them to stop complaining, because there are people worse off than you. It works every time, though.

earthtone

Your congergation sounds horrible! The members (elders not included) of my old hall were for the most part very caring. There were a few selfish unloving individual (mostly elders) but the majority of them were very loving and warm.. That probably one of the few things I missed.

anewme

Good topic Wing Commander!

Didnt you get to hate those poor brothers or sisters they featured in the magazines and books who walked on crutches miles to the KH...uphill both ways.....through crocodile infested rivers?

Or who started the journey for the convention with no money in their pockets, and they had six kids and no legs and no house to return to when they got home?

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

BluesBrother

Nothing more likely to get you riled than that comment. Of course it is true, but when you have a problem it is NOT what you want to hear. It is not limited to the J W movement either, who has not had an aunt or some other maternal - type charecter giving a lecture on the wrongs of self pity, until they have a problem of course .

Mind you, I think some of it in the Borg is rooted in the idea of some, not all, that they should be happy, it is a fruit of the spirit and you are lacking H/S if you are complaining. So they see the need to "build you up with encouraging counsel"

anewme

My new husband and his mother, my new MIL are so good about sympathizing. If you say you are hurt or hurting they are right there with "Oh Poor baby!" "That must have hurt!" or "What a jerk that person was to speak to you that way!"
They are great about defending me and giving me support. Its what I need right then and there. Why cant others do the same? Give others support at the proper time.

Try a "Poor baby!" on someone and see how effective it is!!!

codeblue

Yes I heard that comment and always "cringed".

I grew up in a family where my DAD would never let us show our emotions too. IF we cried, he would say: "stop crying, or I will give you something to cry about".

When the WTBS followers or my Dad would say those things, it stripped away my right to "feel" what I was feeling as if I weren't important at all.

NO ONE should be allowed to do that to you.

Even IF someone else appears to be going thru a "worse scenerio" then you....YOU are still affected and may not be able to handle what is dished out to you as well as others.

I say: Each should really walk a mile or 2 in your shoes before they say any rediculous statement like: "someone has it worse then you" or "stop crying".

You are right, a real Christian would address the sympathy needed at that point to validate the person sufferin and show love to that person!

Codeblue

lowden

This thread raises memories of being criticised for HELPING 'weak' people, friends of mine that needed a bit of fellowship and assistance.

One elder said to me "You wanna keep away from him (a young teenage bro' i was helping) , he's always depressed, he'll just drag you down too"

I was just gobsmacked!!

I didn't listen. Thing is though, that was a familiar kind of sentiment that could be heard being expressed regularly.

Peace

Lowden

Have you heard, "There are people worse off than you, stop complaining!"

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