Has anyone ever asked you to help them do something illegal?

by Scully 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    I got a weird call from a work mate last night. She's going through hell for the past year or so with her soon-to-be ex, who had been carrying on an affair and stopped sharing their family expenses. Long story short, he's out of the house now and has left her and their kids out in the country without any transportation. He took the family vehicle which they jointly own (according to her) when he could take public transportation from his new domicile to his place of work. Now she is stuck with 4 young children, and no means to get to a grocery store or to work, because there is no public transit service where they live.

    Anyway, the call last night was to ask me to help her find the vehicle so she could "steal it back". I felt rather annoyed that made it sound like she wanted to get together for coffee initially and then threw in the "Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, I need you to drive me out of the province and help me look for the car so I can steal it back."

    I really do empathize with the situation she's in, but I had to tell her that I couldn't support her doing that and I couldn't be involved if that's what she wanted to do. She got mad at me for saying no, and started the "What kind of friend are you?" guilt trip routine. In the end, I just said that a real friend wouldn't ask me to jeopardize myself like that. Sure, she may have a legal right to the vehicle, but her ex could report my license plate to the police as being an accomplice to car theft, considering the other horrid things he's done I wouldn't put it past him.

    I'm still kind of angry that she even asked me to help her with this. I know she must be feeling pretty desperate to want to resort to those tactics, but I don't want to see her ruin her life like that either, especially over this scumbag.

    Has anyone else had someone ask them to participate in something illegal? How did you handle it?

  • KW13

    i've been asked to do something illegal before and i refused, your right to say no - a friend wouldn't ask you to, and more importantly would accept your answer.

    I know its a tough position to be in, but you may stop her getting into trouble too. Its actually against the law to steal stolen property of your own over here, you must report it to the police and if its rightfully hers, then she should do that instead.

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    You did the right thing Scully.

    If she does legally have joint ownership, she needs to get her lawyer involoved and/or the police, not you.

    You could end up with a criminal record helping her with something like this that would take alot of time and money to clear up.

    If you want to help her in some way, maybe you could rally some friends to help with transportation/shopping, etc.

    I think this stepped over the bounds of friendship, this is using.


  • SixofNine

    If she's being honest that the car is hers as well as his (and it's not even really important that her name be on the title for it to be 1/2 her's, at least here in the states it wouldn't be), then it seems to me your legal exposure is nil.

  • lonelysheep

    Yes, Scully.

    A few years ago, one of my aunts (fyi-none of my family are jw's) asked me to mail my drivers license out to them in California so that my then 17 year old cousin could use it on her senior class trip to Spain. This way, she wouldn't be left out when all the other 18 yr olds (she was the only 17 yr old) went to clubs/bars wherever.

    At first, I said I would, but when they called to ask if I'd put it in the mail yet, I told them that this was something I couldn't do. My aunt is a guidance counselor, my uncle has a good job, and my cousin was on her way to Stanford in the fall. WTF? Go get her a fake ID, you know. So, that was my suggestion in nicer terms. Well, they haven't spoken to me since!!!!!!!! I am SO the blacksheep of the family but I really don't care. I have my principles just like they do.

    Your friend should get in touch with a lawyer ASAP and maybe call the police, too, if it'll help her to get the vehicle back.

  • Scully
    it seems to me your legal exposure is nil.

    That's what she said to me too. However, she also revealed that when she spoke to the police about getting the car back, they advised her to go through the channels of family court in order to settle the dispute. I can't see them telling her that, and then turning a blind eye to her wanting to "steal" the vehicle back. In any event, I really do not need the hassle that her ex could cause for me. A criminal charge would cost me my job and I'd have to deal with disciplinary action with the nursing board on top of that. I really don't have any friends that I would consider worthy of that risk, no matter how remote that risk is.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee
    Has anyone ever asked you to help them do something illegal?

    Yes and I'm ashamed to admit that I did it.

    But I would never ever do it or anything like it again. The guilt, the fear of being caught and the effect it had on my self-esteem wasn't worth it.

    Glad to hear you were able to say "No way"

    Sounds to me like she needs to see her lawyer

  • Finally-Free

    Whether the vehicle is in his name, her name, or both, it will eventually get divided, as the other family assets do. That is something that needs to be negotiated through their lawyers, and in court if necessary.

    I wouldn't get involved in anything illegal. Neither would I ever get involved with someone's domestic disputes. If she needs food, buy her groceries. Give her a sympathetic ear. Drive her to doctors if needed. Never put yourself in a position where you may be doing something illegal or questionable. Even if you're innocent, a defense lawyer still costs a lot. And never put yourself in a position where you may end up physically between estranged spouses.


  • unclebruce

    I've done some stuff that I won't mention here but never told a soul let alone asked for help (it just multiplies the cock-up factor).

    Things of that sort are best done alone, sober and well planed. My worry would be that it would outrage the man and escalate her problems many fold (men are often more fond of their cars than their women). Sort it out legally I'd say.


  • mkr32208

    For an acquaintance, not worth it! For a friend, go for it! Drive past the house normal speed go 2/10ths of a mile and let her out! No one sees you know one even knows your there!

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