Not enough words to tell you about it.

by Sparkplug 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • xjwms


    I'll have another.

    not sure if you are a drinker...I am ahhhh that 1st one is always just the beginning.

  • luna2

    I'm having trouble concentrating today, Sparky, so please forgive my randomness (is that a word?).

    First, I tear up when I'm angry too. Happened a couple of weeks ago at work. Fortunately, I wasn't face to face with my bosses so they didn't know. I am also dealing with trying to do a job with minimal training and I feel like the biggest fool that ever was. It makes me so angry when it is implied that I am incompetant when I HAVEN'T BEEN TRAINED in all of the aspects of my job.

    I've also screwed around some online during work hours. They don't track us yet and I should get it under control before they decide to impliment something like that, but for me its been a stress reliever. I'll go to one of the boards or into email for a little bit to goof around and then go back to trying to slog through a bunch of stuff that I have to try to figure out how to do on my own. Very frustrating situation right now. I feel lucky that I'm not working in the same sort of corporate environment that you are. Sounds like the interoffice politics and backstabbing bullsh*t is out of control right now.

    As for controlling my emotions in front of other people. I put on a mask. I tend to want to apologise all over the place and spill my guts, but I have learned that this only garners me contempt and lables me as weak...even with people who call themselves my friends. It appears to be best if I hide my insecurities (as best I can), put on my calm voice, say very little, smile....and take my bruised and broken ego home to weep over in private if at all possible.

    I'm sure you got the most minimal "punishment" of the email crew because they know what a good employee you really are. Although, its a shame that they are punishing people who get all their work done and are among the most productive for a few silly emails. Sometimes it all seems to be a popularity contest...or at least an exercise in butt coverage by the higher ups.


    Life really sucks sometimes.

  • Soledad


    What can I tell you.....your work situation describes many many situations that I have been in myself, even now. What I am referring to is when you see your collegues breaking the rules or seemingly getting away with things that you know are wrong.

    I have learned from experience two valuable things: a) it's not all that it appears. How would you know that what they are doing is not being addressed at some level? And if it isn't then, b) dont concern yourself with what others are doing. I know that hypocrisy bothers you, it bothers us all (that is why many of us left the WT). But why stress yourself over it? Worry about yourself. Brush up on your skills, dust off the resume and move on! EFF them!! You get what I'm saying?

    Good luck to you!

  • Sparkplug

    Well ladies and Gents,

    This afternoon after having slept in a long and much needed time I feel a lot better. Some things you all said such as realizing it is not as personal as when I was a JW helped. Also seeing some of the people I admire on here have gone through the same things really helped. Not that I want you all to have bad times, but seeing that you all survived it and you are definitely people I would not view as weak.

    I have to admit for just a small moment as I sat there I got a little excited. I thought to myself, "Hey, am I being fired? Kewl! I am being fired! It was a small bit of exhilaration thinking that I could change this course I am on. I don't like sitting in a cubicle and I really do not find doing technical telecommunications stuff that creative. It is not like you can get super creative with a sonet ring. It reminds me all of math and that is a subject I cannot stand.

    So for just a moment I was excited. You know like that feeling you get when you are all packed up and moving out of a town. The road opens up and it is all new...well that thrilled me for a moment.

    Here is what I think, I think they are trying to get as many of us on a diciplinary step as possible so that when the next layoff comes, and it is coming soon...well they wont let us all JOG. That is a thing we have by the union that if we loose our job and there is none in the area we get full pay till 2009. Well most of the people except for two of us are either in or will be in the next surplus. So I think they are trying to cut overhead. I personally should not be in the next one. Possibly not at all, but maybe I was thrown in to make it not look so suspicious. I don't know, I just know that next time I think I will not look over at anyone.

    I actually did just fine being called in at first till about 3/4 of the way through and that is when I looked over and saw one of the bosses that just that morning had asked me to email her directions to my graduation party and I got this moment of anger. I saw her, and I realized that there was no discussing this, and it was really a one way discussion and I started to cry. Damn it. So maybe if I can disassociate myself from what is happening, I may handle it better. I have conquered my fear of doctors and maybe this too will pass. Hah, what a wway to put it.

    So thank you all for sharing and giving some advice. I needed a reminder that life goes on. Hopefully not the hard way, but I have more training, experience and such under my belt if things should turn sour.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Not enough words (((Decki))).

    I'm really sorry for where you are right now.

  • Apostate Kate
    Apostate Kate

    So glad you are feeling better! You've been on my heart.

    Sometimes I think it is so much harder for us too because so many of us don't have the normal family support systems that normal non JW people have. Like family that are there for you and encourage you on to greater things.

    So many of us have dealt with; "all your problems will end when you come back to the meetings"

    For what its worth, YOU GO GIRL!

    You know, we just don't know our own worth sometimes.

    I gotta share a funny hubby doesn't have to work right now, he has quite a few years of steady income from a real estate sale. Not a lot just enough to live and play around. Three of us live here, and we have devided up the chores. Dave gets the floors which is not much because we live in a small place.

    Dave doesn't like to do floors or any chores for that matter (he is awesome on fixing and building) and it is too hard for me so I put an add in the paper for a housekeeper to do light houswork a few hours a week. I will provide transportation.

    So Dave thinks he would like to do some part time work locally so we can buy a newer truck and horse trailer. He finds a part time job paying only $10 dollars an hour. I told him," Honey, I'll pay you $8 an hour to do your chores, that is what I'm going to pay someone to come and do it. And you will not even have to leave the house!"

    He did the floors yesterday...hehe I told him he is worth far more than $10 an hour, which he is! But dang my floors are clean.

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