Mama's Boys

Thegoodgirl

Question: Are you dealing with a Mama's Boy?

I am afraid I am. My hubby is on the phone with this parents (actually mostly his dad) for about an hour each night. They live in different cities, and I'm all for family values. But when I prepare a special dinner, or when we are having the greatest conversation, it always seems his parents are number 1 priority. I'll say--after abougt 45 minutes on the phone-- honey, dinner is cold. Then he gets upset and says I'm being rude. But I think I'm just dealing with a guy who hasnt' cut ties yet like he should have.

What do you all do to help the Mama's Boy in your life cut the umbilical cord?

TheGoodGirl

carla

Try putting his dinner in the freezer so it it 'doesn't go bad'. Eggs are particularly good in the freezer. Time for him to cut those apron strings! For me it was phone calls at dinner. There are many, many books about 'mamma's boys' out there to help you. My suggestion? just plain mean but gets the point across. Works well with a fancy dinner in which you leave the minute he is done with his phone call. Kids in the picture? Too bad for him, he misses out. He is supposed to 'cleave' to you not mommy & daddy.

I suppose you could try talking to him about the issue. I'm assuming you already have. If not, do so. If he ignores your requests then some real action is needed, sometimes extreme measures are needed to get a point across. But I'm probably not as nice as you.

Confession

I'd call this problem less being a "Mama's Boy," and more simple rudeness and misplaced priorities. Bear in mind the term "Mama's Boy" usually doesn't refer to a man unusually connected to his parents; it refers to a man unusually connected to his mama and implies someone who doesn't relate well with other women. (I think in the U.S. it usually suggests a man who is somewhat effeminate too.)

If he can't understand that routinely delaying dinner (or other family activity) by as much as 45 minutes shows a lack of appreciation for you and your kids, I'd just say his priorities are out of line. If, after speaking to him about this (at a time other than when it just happened,) he continues to do it, I can only suggest eating (or carrying on) without him.

I hope he gets a clue about this.

vitty

How long have you been married?

My daughter had the same problem, they rang up every night !! Anyway she got so mad with him , they stopped answering the phone and now they only phone up a couple of times a week.

Its such an intrusion. I never phone anyone up during the evening its like having an univited guest stop by.

Is it him who calls or them. If its him maybe you could speak to his mother about it.

dust

Tell him that you love him, but that this hurts you, even though you know he doesn't mean to hurt you. Because that's the truth, isn't it?
Anyhow, as a man I know that men understand such things better if they are _told_ to us. We don't take hints as well as women do. :)

bikerchic

I agree totally with Confession on this:

If he can't understand that routinely delaying dinner (or other family activity) by as much as 45 minutes shows a lack of appreciation for you and your kids, I'd just say his priorities are out of line. If, after speaking to him about this (at a time other than when it just happened,) he continues to do it, I can only suggest eating (or carrying on) without him.
I hope he gets a clue about this.

Time to clue him in and lay down the law (in a loving way of course).

Say dinner is at 6 pm the answering machine is on and you can return calls after the family has eaten. Take your cues from there, if he gets bratty about it maybe you have married a boy after all instead of a man, then it's up to you to decide where to go from there.

Good luck!

Mamacat

Ugh...that was my first husband to a tee! The phone calls back and forth were way excessive! I ended up barely calling my mom when we lived far away just to keep the phone bill down a little. I always complained when the phone bill came too...I went so far as to add up all the calls made to his mom and show him. Sometimes men aren't aware that things cost as much as they do.

Now, do your in-laws just try to get involved in everything in your life? My ex-MIL was a real piece of work. When my ex was deployed overseas, she would write him letters bashing me for everything!

I was able to get him to see that she would never accept me and would try to make him choose between us. I never made him choose, but I did make sure he didn't accomodate all of her absurb requests on his time by planning other things. Usually she was a "last minute" type of planner, so I'd just have things set up. Occasionally, he would get mad at her and they would stop speaking for awhile and then things would be okay for awhile. But, my problems with him were bigger than him being a mama's boy so we divorced.

Although, dinner is definitely a planned activity. I'd ask him what time is a definite dinner time and tell him that everyone is expected to be at the table. Turn the ringer off on the phone if you have to. Or go directly to the source and tell the MIL that you eat at such and such a time and that you'd appreciate if she didn't call during that time. I'd try to set up a set time and day for the phone calls. Just mark it under the guise of "wanting to be home when you call, since we are just so busy."

My ex-MIL still causes me problems and I divorced her son over 7 years ago. My oldest sons are spending the summer with their dad about an hour away...however she keeps coming and getting them and taking them to her house which is 4 hours away. I have no problem with them spending time with her as she is their grandma, but again, she just calls him up and says, "I'm coming to get them today." My ex and I had agreed they would return to me before their brothers birthday party next week, but now his mom isn't going to bring them back until 2 days after. The party is already set and paid for, so I can't do much about changing the date. I am so mad, and my soon to be 5 year old can't believe his brothers are going to miss his party!

Warlock

Mamacat,

So you married the same type of man 2 times?

Warlock

daystar

I suspect that the problem will only get worse... - http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/08/03/tough_to_cut_the_ties_that_digitally_bind/?page=1

whyamihere

I agree with Confession here, it isn't the fact he is a "Mama's Boy" his actions are rude.

If that's the way he wants to do it, then he can eat his dinner cold. Plain and simple.

I have somewhat of a Mama's Boy(not complaining)

I remember one argument I had with my husband, we were married for about 5 months - he happen to like that way his Mom ran the house. I on the other hand wasn't his mother, but I really tried to do what he was used to.(plus I was 19) However, I worked out side the home not to mention 2 jobs, so I couldn't handle everything.

Anyway, we were grocery shopping, I picked out some apples and he put them back saying: "My Mom buys these apples, I want to get these" - I had it at that point, so I said "Well, I like Macintosh apples, I am getting this ...so...... Get off the Breast Milk!" People starred at us, and we started laughing! To this day it is one of our favorite moments.

Look at it this way, he knows dinner is being served so let him choose whether he wants it hot or cold.

Mama's Boys

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