Elders or Marriage Counselors?!?!?! (Read This One)

by thepackage 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • thepackage

    It’s interesting how the WTS tries to give marital advice via unqualified elders. Recently a friend of mine and his spouse have been having martial trouble. He no longer believes the WTS lies and maintains a low profile. His wife insists that without “the truth” their marriage is going to fail. At the request of his wife a couple of Elders (aka unless pecker heads) paid them a visit and pretty much tried to make him feel guilty about not going to meetings and supporting his wife in “the truth”. Without expressing his feeling about the WTS he kindly listened. It’s upsetting that my friend provides a GREAT home for his family (very nice house, vacations, loving toward his wife which does not work and pioneers, does not drink, smoke, or cures) and the Elders are trying to tell him he is no good because he does not go to meetings and he is setting up his marriage for failure. I believe the WTS contributes to marriages breaking up as a result of “Elders” giving bad material advise. Why can’t they leave people alone???????

  • AuldSoul

    My father (local Presiding Overseer) and mother have offered for my wife to separate from me and move in with them.

    Can anyone say "Alienation of Affection?" Fortunately, my wife told me about it. She didn't let it poison her mind or our relationship.


  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    Sounds like you have a great wife there Auld Soul. Shame on your father!!! Does he not know that Jehovah hates a divorcing (seperating is not much different IMO)?

    I remember when hubby and I had missed some meetings. My father was ill, work was pressing etc. At that time I had not started fading, etc. We had a shepherding visit. The brother told us that we would end up divorced if we didn't start attending meetings more regularly. I was extremely upset over the whole visit, and asked them to leave.


  • Gordy

    While I was suffering from clinical depression the Elders "advised" my wife that I should leave the family home because I was a "spiritual danger" to the family. She even found me a place to live, even paying the deposit on the rent. But doing this proved to be a greater "danger" because within 6 months three of my children (16, 18, 20) came to live with me, two of them baptised JW's. Within a couple of years the two had DA'd. I DA'd a year later, which has meant that I have not had any contact with my wife or two othe JW children for 4 years.

    So the Elders with their "advice" caused a family to split up and for them to cause 3 to DA from the WT.

    Great counselling that was. Did them more damage than if I had stayed at home.

  • mkr32208

    The elders came by the house and tried that type of thing on my wife... About 3 years to late! They didn't realize she had already woken up to the lie as well! She told them to get off our property! I was so proud!

  • Tigerman

    elder n. Jehovah Witness male in lead position. Prone to egoism,conceit,vanity,pride,assurance,self-love,

    self-glorification,arrogance, overconfidence,haughtiness,snobbish,proud,aloof,impertinent,overbearing and

    on and on and on and on . . . . . . . . . . . .

  • aoxo

    yeay i feel for this situation. i went through severe depression when i was a Jdub and the elders and parents continued to offer biblical advice to me to help end it. this is one of the ways they can realy be harmfull. someone could kill themselves over this crap and the elders would just respond by saying "well, we did the best we could do". why not try professional help, oh yeay that's because shrinks will cloud our minds away from biblical teachings.

  • Quandry

    Bumble Bee and Gordy, I am so sorry to hear about your past situations. Why oh why couldn't the elders use the time to encourage, to upbuild, to ask what they could do to help?? To say positive things about the future- to assure you that you can overcome adversity? No, instead, everything is SO NEGATIVE.

    I remember feeling so guilty because I had to go care for my parents over many weekends. I did not go as often as I should have because I felt that I must be out in service with the Book Study more regularly, etc. If only I could redo things, I would have gone more often, and stayed longer just to be with them. It is too late to be with my father now. He is dead, and at the end things were so difficult and I could have been closer to him.

    To those who are married, my advice is to cherish your loved one. Never take your spouse for granted. That you have a companion in life is a real blessing. To those with parents who are getting old and need help, be there. You will never regret it!!!

  • itsallgoodnow

    Something I never understood before is deciding you don't want to be a witness anymore or disagreeing with them is worse, in their minds, than anything else in the world. I wouldn't be surprised if they encouraged a woman to stay with an abusive spouse and then encouraged a wife to leave an ex-JW spouse.

    I didn't quite get it before, but I understand it better now. The organization is just that defensive about their teachings. You can be a child molestor, rapist, thief, defrauder, whatever, but don't you dare question their teachings after you become one of them! It's just not done.

    Obey without question. That's all they want from anyone. They don't care about anything else.

  • Gordy

    Quandry said:

    Bumble Bee and Gordy, I am so sorry to hear about your past situations. Why oh why couldn't the elders use the time to encourage, to upbuild, to ask what they could do to help?? To say positive things about the future- to assure you that you can overcome adversity? No, instead, everything is SO NEGATIVE.

    I agree with you. I went through a bad time with the depreesion , even attempted suicide. Not once did any JW come to me and offer help. I have often said that if an Elder had said to me "We'll help you get through this. Get you back on your feet. Get the family together" and they had done so. Then I would probably still be a JW.

    For 25 years I had thought it was "Jehovah's loving organisation". Then at a time when I needed that love and support it proved to be non-existent. Instead because of what they did, I began to question. Which eventually led me into research on the WT, read Crisis of Conscience and eventually to DA.

Share this