pet diaries

by candidlynuts 7 Replies latest social humour

  • candidlynuts
    A Dog's Diary

    7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
    8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
    2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
    3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
    6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
    7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
    8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
    11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

    A Cat's Diary

    Day 183 of my captivity.
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

    Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving a round their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.

    In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed.

    Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty I was. This is not working according to plan.

    There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
    The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time.
  • ButtLight
    The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant.

    Uh huh, I see! You darn snitch you! You have been spying on me and running your emu ass to the elders havent you!

  • Tigerman
  • james_woods

    Courtesy of cartoonist Gary Larson (the Far Side):

    Cat to Dog (standing at pedestrian crossing waiting for the light) - "Go ahead and cross, it's green!"

    Caption on cartoon - "God's cruel joke on dogs"


    Having had all three of the above mentioned at one's all so true!!! Very funny!


  • candidlynuts

    i thought this was hilarious.. i knew my old geriatric cat was plotting on me!

  • juni

    Funny Candi!

  • mama1119

    I hate cats. I really do

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