I feel like I'm Living a lie!

by kgav8r 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • kgav8r

    I believe I have come to realize that i am no better than the Jdubs myself. For about six weeks now i have been going to a book study with a friend of my girlfriend. I act very interested, i give him the answers he wants to hear, i am the perfect and progressing study. I lie. I am so concerned for their souls, though. Every JW, i want to help them to know the true God and the nature and salvation of His son Yehsu. I am doing this to continue my relationship with my girlfriend. Our continuing became contingent on my studying and deciding that i would become a JW. I am so in love that it is hard to say no or that i do not believe. I have expressed my concerns with the organization to her. I feel like this is the only thing keeping us alive right now, though. She said that she would give up everything to be with me, meaning she would be disfellowshipped for me. I have already caused her to be DF'd. So do i continue my study, waiting for the opportunity to share the true faith with all the Jdubs i can, or stop. It is very interesting, though. Its a bit of a hobby to me. I am a religious studies minor (rockchalk Jayhawk!!!), and i studied with the Latter Day Saints never intending to be baptized into the faith (they decided i was wasting their time, what with my non-progression and all my faith destroying questions). I want to continue, but i do not want to lower my standards and live a lie.

  • Mysterious

    Wait, if she was DF'd because of you why aren't you off together in non JW land being happy?

  • kgav8r

    oops! Sorry mysterious, should have explained for those who do not know my story. She would be disfellowshipped for marrying me because she is divorced. We are not married, and it is a different reason she is DF'd now. She still belives in "the truth." I wish we were living happily ever after in non JW land. She, however, is seeking reinstatement and wants me to be by her side in JW land.

  • JamesThomas
    i want to help them to know the true God and the nature and salvation of His son Yehsu.

    Are you living a lie? Yes!

    Anyone who believes that tiny little deities are responsible for an infinite universe, is living a lie. Stop worrying about others and look at your own insanity.


  • Perry

    She is probably too scared to investigate the enormous problems with WT claims. More than likely she just wants a normal life where she can fellowship with her family. You are part of her formula for success. Congratulations. So sad.

  • poppers

    Knowing that you are living a lie is like trying to swim with an anchor in each hand. Let go of the damned things. Not knowing that you are living a lie is like swimming with an anchor in each hand, not knowing that you are sinking deeper and actually drowning.

  • jgnat

    How do you see this ending? It can't be good.

    • You stop going, you confess your deception, she is furious. She may or may not leave you. Girls hate to be deceived.
    • You keep going through to baptism, then the ante will go up. She'll pressure you to reach out for MS, then Elder. You become a beaten man. Man hate handing their balls over.

    Now, on the plus side, you could come across as a neutral, nonthreatening bystander. Be clear you have no interest in joining. But keep asking questions. Deceived people are more relaxed around neutral bystanders, and you can sometimes get through. Perhaps those you study with, or cross fingers, your girlfriend, hear you. You keep your balls, and the girl either likes you for who you are or leaves you. At least you will know you are with someone who likes you for who you are. If you want this kind of happy ending, I suggest you have a frank conversation with your girlfriend as soon as possible. I suggest doing this maybe after a week-long holiday, when she's been away from the meetings for a while. Then you will be addressing her genuine personality rather than the put-on JW one. Be prepared for the fireworks.

    When negotiating my future with my JW husband, I never promised to do anything that is against my basic nature. I regularly indulge him with home-cooked breakfasts, because I love to. I'm not so consistent with hanging up towels, changing toilet paper rolls, or putting in the garbage liner. Not my bag. Could he love me as much if I was a creature of his manipulations, rather than my own true self?

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I agree this may end badly. No one likes to be deceived. She can't be reinstated if she is dating a "worldly" man. And if you continue the facade into baptism, you may find yourself very unhappy. What about children one day? Are you going to deceive them too?

    I recently found out that just saying-I don't believe that, I'm sorry but I cannot lie to you works better with my JW family than pretending to go along. Sometimes to help with their disappointment, I ask them-would you rather that I lied to you? They always say no.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Are you familiar with the term "rice Christian"?

    Methinks you're a "booty Christian."

  • Sadie Masokissdick
    Sadie Masokissdick

    Dear kgav8r: I don't mean to sound insulting or provacative, but I have to admit to agreeing with your own assessment of yourself - you are indeed living a lie. And I am sure that you, of all people, are aware of who is considered to be the "father of all lies" in the Bible. Yes, that's right, it's the Evil One - Old Horny himself.

    However [and again, I don't intend to sound provocative], what struck me the most about your post is the irony of it. You are just as dogmatic, preachy, and blind as the Witnesses that you are hoping to "save." You write that you are "concerned for the souls" of J.W's and that you want to "help them to know the true God (tm) and the nature and salvation of His Son, Yehsu." You're waiting for "the opportunity to share the true faith (tm) with all Witnesses."

    As Mark Twain wrote in Letters From The Earth, "Man is the only animal professing to have the One True Religion; in fact, he has several of them." You would do well to heed J.T.'s advice and examine your own madness. You are in precisely the same sorry state as those that you are hoping to "save." As the ancient proverb admonition proclaims: "Physician, heal thyself!!!" Only savages and madmen claim to know the mind of God. In order to free others from the chains that bind their minds, you will first have to free your own mind.

    Better yet, why not simply forget about converting others? After all, that is exacly what Witnesses try to do all the time. If I were you, I would not be so concerned with other people's religion. Again, Mark Twain had something to say in this regard. He wrote: "People seem to have forgotten the most important commandment of them all - 'Thou shalt be indifferent to thy neighbor's religion'". Would you like it if some one tried to disabuse you of your delusions? Why not let the Witnesses enjoy their delusions, while you enjoy yours?

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