Okay, this is a hoot.
I go through the press releases for a local media outlet. In this morning's batch was a "Post-convention Release" from a local JW re the "Deliverance at Hand" convention at the Cow Palace in SF last weekend.
It's a template from the WTS, but this bozo didn't fill in the right blanks!
Postconvention Release xxxx xx, 2006
Witnesses thrilled with response to convention
[CONVENTION CITY]-- After three weeks of building anticipation and three days of hearing Scriptural presentations at the 2006 “Deliverance at Hand!” District Convention of Jehovah’s Witnesses, those leaving the [XYZ Arena] in [CONVENTION CITY] were filled with joy.
Local Witnesses were thrilled with what they consider outstanding results from their efforts to invite their neighbors and the general public to hear uplifting Bible promises of deliverance. A peak attendance of [6,700] had listened attentively to encouraging Bible-based talks. [“We were extremely pleased with this year’s turnout,”] remarked [Peter Simons], one of the convention’s organizers. [“We feel that people recognize a need for wholesale changes for the benefit of mankind, and we knew that these Biblical presentations would show that Jehovah God is going to fill that need.”]
The public discourse “Deliverance by God’s Kingdom Is at Hand!” was presented on Sunday, emphasizing scriptures used by the Witnesses to prove that deliverance for mankind will not come from technology, political rulers, advanced education, or even the world’s religions. Witnesses feel that only Jehovah God can deliver mankind, using his Son, Christ Jesus, to destroy the wicked. They also feel that Christ Jesus is now ruling as the King of God’s Kingdom, a real government that millions pray for when they pray the Lord’s Prayer.
Three weeks ago, local Witnesses embarked on a campaign to invite everyone in the area to attend the convention by leaving with them a colorful invitation. This was part of a worldwide campaign by the Witnesses to advertise the program. [“We wanted to heighten awareness of the convention because we view the message as of vital interest to all,” Simons] added. [“People need to know that God is soon going to end all wickedness and suffering, and that calls for urgent action on our part.”]
The Witnesses were particularly delighted to welcome [120] who joined their ranks by getting baptized in an ordination ceremony on Saturday. Witnesses view baptism as one of God’s requirements for salvation.
The three-day event ended Sunday at with prolonged applause, a show of appreciation for the convention. [Simons] summarized the event in this way: [“The campaign, the program, the facility, the public’s response—all these elements helped make the convention a huge success, bringing praise to Jehovah God.”]
Local Contact: [John A. Elder, telephone: (000) 000-0000]
(Portions in brackets and underlined are to be adjusted for each district convention.)
[*NOTE: These and similar statements are not to be copied word for word, but wording giving this idea should be used.]
There's WTS letterhead included, but I couldn't cut-and-paste that...besides, I have to get back to work.
Question: How dumb can you get? Answer: Ask an elder!