a bit more of my story, maybe some advice needed

by isthisit 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • isthisit

    so, i'm in my twenties (still in) and with a sister who is 27 and neither of us are happy in the borg. Part of the problem is that she is divorced but not scriptually. Her ex was a nasty nasty piece of work and she was better off without him. Anyway we kept things quiet for quite some time, but we wanted to start being a normal couple (obviously within the witness constrains).
    Anyway she is american, and in the last three weeks we have both been offered post graduate positions in the states, in the same city though not at the same college. Visa applications are a bitch and a half, i have to high tail it to the embassy at least once a week. Anyway here is problem (or perhaps solution).
    We are engaged and are hoping to marry soon after going to the states. We have been told catagorically that we can't because it wasn't scriptural (obviously been beaten around is not grounds enough to leave someone). my elders are usually very reasonable but they aren't budging on this. If we do marry i apparantly will lose any prospect of privileges in the future. Both of us are talking about DA'ing or else getting married by a justice of the peace, and then living with being marked for an eternity.
    What is the best course? we tend to think DA'ing. This really is the last straw. We are both tired of giving lipservice to something that we really no long believe in. Do we make a clean break?

  • montana96

    How is physical abuse not a grounds for divorce?Make a clean break,you obviously love each other and you want to do the right thing,but I think you are both making yourselves very unhappy by trying to please the wrong people.

    Do whats in your heart,get married, move on,take advantage of your new opportunities in the States and start a new life without all the hassles you guys are obviously being faced with. No one has the right to rob you of your happinesss.

    Good Luck

    Mercedes x

  • Been there
    Been there

    I would'nt even DA, just don't check in. RUN and be happy with each other.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Just do what you feel is best for both of you. If that includes da'ing, which would give you a clean break, then do that.

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    I too say cut and run. If a religion teaches that a woman is better with a husband that beats her over one that cares for her I think we can plainly say that the religion is not acting in the best interests of it's own membership.

  • mrsjones5

    Make a clean break. Come to America and start a new life with your bride.


  • sspo

    Just quietly fade, it is the best thing excpecially if you are moving to a new location

  • jgnat

    It seems the TOP priority is to marry her. Do it. Let the chips fall where they may.

    The second priority is your religious commitment. If you are both ready to walk away, do it. Moving to a new country is the best time to make the break.

    It is kind of fun watching elders gnash their teeth, running around, trying to control people's lives AFTER the people have gone off and done the right thing. You'll learn a lot about the priorities of the society as elders try and make you feel bad for doing good, just because THEY were not the ones to tell you to do it.

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl


    You obviously both are intelligent, sane people. The Bible tells the man to love, honor, and cherish, the woman as himself, and they become "one flesh." The "Bible" also tells us, via the JWs, that smoking is bad, and that one can be excommunicated from God's grace by smoking, even though it DOESN'T say that smoking is prohibited anywhere in the Bible. The defamation of one's holy temple is at issue. One's wife is included in that HOLY TEMPLE because he is one in flesh with his wife. Forever banned to Hades, for smoking. But not for beating one's own flesh (wife), humiliating it, and going completely against Christ's admonitions to "Love God and love thy neighbor as yourself? Doesn't make sense. Use the God-given intelligence you were given and tell me how that makes sense?

    Because a man-made organization *tells* you to do something, will you forsake that intelligence and reasoning to make bad decisions? What does your God-given common-sense tell you?

    Pray to God and ask these questions, these answers will be answered in your Heart. You know the answer, and didn't have to come here to ask.


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