Disassociate or "Fade"

by done4good 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • done4good

    I know this has probably been discussed before, but I would like to take a poll of your thoughts as to what you personally would do, disassociate yourself or just fade over time. I've been in the process of "fading" myself since November of last year, (last meeting in January, and NEVER going back). I have been considering making it official though by formal letter of DA. I have a few JW family members, of which the only one's opinion that I would concern myself with being my sister. She knows my recent position, but perhaps just not how absolute it is. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks.


  • Dismembered

    Greetings done4good,

    If you can, just fade, it's alot easier.

    ps: welcome aboard!


  • sspo


  • Finally-Free

    Whichever course of action you take, do it for the right reasons - your reasons, not someone else's.

    I DA'd because I wanted them out of my life ASAP. In my letter I warned them that any attempts to contact me would be reported to the police as harassment, and that trespassing on my property would be prosecuted. The registered letter and postal receipt could serve as evidence that they had been warned away from me. I did it knowing I could lose some family members forever, and I was prepared to accept those consequenses. Obviously, my course of action is not good for everyone.

    If you choose to fade you'll need to be careful and "fly under their radar". You'll spend a long time looking over your shoulder and watching what you say. You'll have to make excuses when questioned by people who, in reality, have no authority over you. In my opinion, this gives them a measure of power over you.

    Only you can decide what you can live with. Best of luck to you.


  • moomanchu

    My opinion is fade. Avoid all the elders buggin you. Plus you don't lose family because you're spiritually weak and are doubting.

    When you DA your still following their rules. (though it does give finality and a clean break)

  • serendipity

    I haven't done either, but I also vote for fade. You have more options re: to association with family.

  • liquidsky

    I've sucessfully 'faded' away from the JW's. I think fading is the best way to go if your immediate family is still "in" and you want to keep a relationship with them. The only thing I have to deal right now is getting invites from family to attend the memorial, convention, special talk.. etc. I've learned to jst say "I'll try to make it" of "I'll think about it." Seems to work just fine.

  • gymbob

    Fade if you can, I say.... at least family and friends still talk to you. Slowly start making new (real) friends outside the 'borg'.

    If you do decide to DA, be ready for the shunning, even from people you think are close to you, that can hurt. The longer you've been a dub, the tougher it is, and they want it that way. I was a dub 40+ years before I DA'd myself, and I was not ready yet, and it was hard.

  • parakeet

    Fading is better, if you can manage it. I faded almost 30 years ago and still have a close relationship with my JW parents (although we do avoid talking about religion).

  • Carmel

    You could always DF the Borg! After all, don't they qualify as apostates? Seriously, you're riding a good horse, why switch rides when the pace it good and you can choose another stead anytime you wish in the future. Keep your options open.


Share this