Dis-association letter

by Suzie 28 Replies latest jw friends

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  Suzie

  Ok, I have thought about it too long and hard and came to the conclusion that this really is something that I want to do! I just don't know how. I don't know exactly how to write my letter to dis-associate myself and exactly who I should send it too. I was readding somethings before that had talked about people sending a copy to there old friends to let them know as well.

  Does the letter to my elders have to include curtain things? And how far in detail does it have to be? I don't want them calling on me to change my mind... Do I have to include that before they continue bugging me? Do they ever read the letter and tell the person that wrote it, that it isn't good enough reason and KEEP THEM!? Do the elders have to talk to me about my letter!? Please help.
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  BlackSwan of Memphis

  Suzie:
  My personal opinion is this:
  
  1) List all the reasons you are da'ing.
  2) Choose to whom you will address this, ie will you address it to just the elders, family members, friends in the hall etc.
  3) Make an outline (I know, I know sounds a little dubbish, but it tends to keep things organized)
  4) Start writing from your heart and reaffirm at the end of the letter that this is effective immediately.
  
  
  The thing is this, it is Your letter. This is your decision. You make up your own rules for the most part. The only thing I think you need to outright state is that you no longer consider yourself a dub or something along those lines.
  You can get as personal as you want or for that matter impersonal. IF you want you can always keep it short and sweet, like "To so and so of the such and such congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses, effective immediately I am terminating my membership in the congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses" that is fine as well.
  There are so many ways to go about doing this.
  
  There should be a sub section on this site for da letters. OR
  Maybe LadyLee could put together a best of DA letters for people who are considering writing one. Just a thought.
  
  
  Good luck Suzie!!!
  
  BSoM
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  anewme

  Suzie, yes be specific in your letter. State that you do not want any contact or visits from the elders as you have made up your mind about this matter and request them to respect that.
  
  I applaud you to write this letter. It is the decent way to leave the society.
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  jgnat

  In this case, I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way. In my opinion, the elders don't deserve to know your reasons. It's none of their business. Even if you want to tell them, chances are they will dismiss your carefully composed reasons anyways.

  As for family and friends, certainly it is a kindness to warn them first. But again, why impose your reasons if they are not ready to hear it? I like keeping my deepest thoughts to myself until I encounter an interested stranger. Then I only share what they seem ready to hear. When I have developed a deep intimacy with a person, only then do I display all my treasures.

  If it were me, this is what I would write to the elders:

  "After deep consideration, I have decided I can no longer consider myself one of Jehovah's Witnesses. My reasons are personal, and I am not interested in discussing them in detail with you. Thank you."

  This is what I would share with family and friends:

  "After much study and deep consideration I have found that I can no longer in good conscience be a Christian and remain with the Jehovah's Witness organization. I have made this decision in the full knowledge that it may make it awkward for you to maintain a relationship with me. I do not want to stumble you, but if you must know my reasons, I invite you to come by and I will explain my reasons to you. In any case, do know that I value your friendship/involvement in my life, and there is no hindrance on my side in maintaining our friendship/relationship."

  For your own memory and peace of mind, for yourself:

  List the top reasons you are leaving and why. Note scriptures or personal incidents that led you to that decision. If a family member or elder does ask, select one from the list that you think would have the most impact on them and share it, "This is one of the reasons...."
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  jgnat

  I wanted to respond directly to this:

  Do they ever read the letter and tell the person that wrote it, that it isn't good enough reason and KEEP THEM!?

  Do the elders have to talk to me about my letter!?

  Once you disassociate, you are no longer a "kept pet" or a caged bird. Freedom means you can ignore whomever you choose. If the elders don't think your disassociation letter is good enough, so what? They are paper leaders without substance. The only power they have is what you give them.

  Freedom takes a while to get used to. Test your wings and fly.
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  whyizit

  Having never been a JW, it kind of boggles my mind when I hear someone ask if they can still KEEP YOU anyway, even if you don't want to be a JW any more. And that they would have the "go-nads" to try to harrass you in to staying, after you have decided to leave.

  I think I would include a little tid-bit such as: "I am recording all phone calls and logging all visits. If I am harrassed or hounded, I will get a restraining order. I have made my descision based on the reasons I have given, so please respect that. You will not change my mind."

  I've left former congregations (not WTS) and simply explained (when asked) that I felt I was suppose to be in another place. They wished me well and invited me to visit any time or return any time! I still feel loved and accepted. Never been shunned. Never been harrassed.

  Just an observation of someone on the outside looking in. It seems so intrusive and cold hearted.
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  In Between

  Excellent thoughts jgnat!
  
  
  Having been an m.s. at one time and close to several elders (knowing stuff I shouldn't have) a simple letter stating that you no longer are a jw usually is enough. The only announcement that is usually made is that 'so and so has disassociated themselves and is no longer a jw'.
  
  
  This is a very brave step and I admire your courge. Best of luck!
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  LovesDubs

  Congratulations on making this decision...It is scary as hell, exciting, scary again....a relief, stressful, exciting again... LOL!

  In the long run tho...it enables you to start living a Black and White life without this stupid pink elephant in your living room that you have to avoid and step around but dont want to think about. No more looking over your shoulder wondering when the boom will drop. You choose the boom dropping terms.

  My advice it to keep the one you are sending to the elders simple and to the point. I wrote 9 pages of rage but Im sure they didnt get past the first line of it that said that "I no longer consider myself a Jehovahs Witness nor do I have any affiliation with the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society or any of its offshoots or minions..." something to that affect. Hey...they may be incredulous and may call and say do you want to reconsider, but you can simply state "What part of IM NO LONGER ONE OF JEHOVAHS WITNESSES didnt you clowns UNDERSTAND?"

  However, BEFORE you do that...write a detailed and heartfelt letter to your family and JW friends and take the opportunity to share and explain why you are making your decision to leave. It may be your last communication with them so make it COUNT. THEN send the one to the elders so they cant beat you to the punch and stop your friends and relatives from reading your letter and DA or DF you and warn them that you are OUT. You know what I mean?

  Its a freakin game...you arent obliged to play by their rules. You arent obliged to write this letter even, but if you want to make it YOUR decision how you leave and WHEN...take that bull by the horns and get to typing.

  It was very catharctic for me to write to those assholes. I sent a copy to Brooklyn so they could frame it. They keep files on you even when you are OUT, even when you DIE. They can label mine EVIL SLAVE BITCH CLASS :)

  let us know what you decided to write!
  Loves
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  Honesty

  Because the jw cult is so complex and requires a menagerie of mental gymnastics to keep abreast of their everchanging moods and teachings I found it advantageous to keep it simple so they would have no problem understanding my intentions when I DA'd:

  The false prophecies and doctrines of the jw's are too much for me to go along with anymore. I QUIT. Goodbye.
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  Balsam

  I agree with Honesty. It is not necessary to go in to extreme detail, these Elders have heard this stuff over and over again. Making it short and sweet is the easiest if you satisfied with doing it that way.

  I had a friend who disass'ed herself with a brief letter that the Blood policywas wrong and she would not be subject to an organization that forced people to die rather than have have life saving blood. She asked them not to contact her or bother her further as her mind was made up. She sent it in it was announced and they have left her alone since then.

  Balsam