I dont want to face death

by LovesDubs 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovesDubs

    I just heard that two of the fathers of childhood friends of mine, one of them the first boy I ever loved, and the other the head of a good Catholic family with eight kids who lived across the street from us, died within days of each other. Im my mind, those families are frozen in time about 35 years ago when I last saw any of them, and I couldnt conceive of them being gone.

    I dont know why but those two men being gone really got to me. I wasnt close to them or anything but It brought home the very real thought that my own parents are going to go soon...and leave me and my two sibs on the planet to carry on. My mother lost her last brother, and she was crying one day so deeply saying "I'm ALL ALONE now..I'm the LAST ONE...they're all gone, my family is all gone." And of course I was like well momma you still have US and your grandkids, but I understood her. HER family was all gone.

    I havent lost anyone in my family yet...my grandparents, yes, of old age, but that in my case isnt the same. When those two men died, it was a reality check for me.

    God damn the Watchtower Society for driving our families apart! When theyre gone...theyre gone and none of those assholes making the rules from their fucking tower could care less what they've done to us.

  • daystar

    Oh God... {{LovesDubs}}... ... ... Yes, God damn them indeed...

  • Cardinal Fang
    Cardinal Fang

    I don't post here very often (though I lurk every day) and haven't really got to know you or anyone else here first hand, so I hope you won't think it presumptuous of me if I offer you a (((cyberhug))). I've no great words of wisdom to impart - all I can say is that I hear you and very much feel for both you and your mother.

    For me, the whole business of coming to terms with the idea of mortality (one's own and that of one's nearest and dearest) has been one of the hardest 'exit issues' to deal with. In my mid-thirties I suppose I'm still relatively young, although I've already lived long enough to see the end of an entire generation of my family with the death of my paternal grandfather (who I became quite close to over the last few years of his life) a little over three years ago.

    Now we've all 'moved along a place' in the scheme of the things - my parents are the 'family elders' now and my father is pushing 70, and the prospect of eventually losing him (and my mother) is starting to loom noticeably for me.

    I know none of us can tell how the future will pan out, but I'm the youngest in my family by a number of years so, in theory at least, there's a fair likelihood that I will be 'last to go'...I can only barely begin to imagine the sense of loss and isolation your mother must be suffering.

    Yes, for those of us who left the Tower (and for many still in), these creeping 'intimations of mortality' have been a rude awakening indeed.

    As for what lies after...I'll leave that in the hands of whatever Powers may be...to quote a cracking line from Terry Pratchett:

    "I commend my soul to any god that can find it."

    ((((((LovesDubs & Mum))))))

  • Warlock


    I think of that frequently.

    My mother is the youngest of 5 and it's just her and her brother left. He was in the hospital just 2 weeks ago for a possible heart attack. He flat lined........twice, but he's still alive. The point is that once he's gone, my mom will think the same thing " I'm alone".

    The thing is, that as our relatives die, WE, are forced to look at our own mortality and it is not very pleasant.

    I'm only a couple of years younger than you, and I thought it was only me that thought these things.

    Take heart, if you can, because there are many in our boat, but they just don't talk about it, or don't have a place to talk about it.

    By the way, after mom goes, even with my family, I will be the one who is alone.

    Warlock (I really feel your pain)

  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis


    I was just thinking yesterday, damn it, if my mom goes today (she is in her 70's) I will not have had the chance to say goodbye, I love you, I will miss you etc etc etc.


    God damn the Watchtower Society for driving our families apart! When theyre gone...theyre gone and none of those assholes making the rules from their fucking tower could care less what they've done to us.

    Yep, I couldn't agree more to any one sentence today.

    Sorry lovesdubs that you're so down about this.


  • Stealth

    It was after the passing of my mother & 36 y/o sister that I really woke up to my own mortality. It was at that point in my life that i wanted to live it to the fullest, that is when I started researching the WT and got out of a bad marriage.

    Today I have never been happier, life is too short to waist it on being miserable or living in fear.

    I am no longer worried about facing death. I should have been dead at age 9, but modern medical science saved my life. I got a second chance. Knowing that one fact that had I lived at any other time in history my life would have been cut short as a young boy. Hurray for living in the last days, I say, it saved my life.

    The bottom line is, in 200 or 300 years no one on earth then will even know who we were, not even our own family members, well unless you try to assasinate a world leader or something.

    Life is to short to live in fear, live for today and make each day worth living for.

  • Tigerman

    Yeah . . .what Stealth said !

  • Tigerman

    But I do agree wholeheartedly with, " God damn the Watchtower for tearing our families apart."

  • LovesDubs

    Awful lot of people reading this thread....it affects us all. We dont want to "go there"....but it sits on the back burners of our minds.

    I spent the better part of a year researching my family tree...and I gotta tell you, nothing brings home clearer how brief our time on the planet is than researching the lives of those who went before us. Seeing their names, family members, jobs, immigration dates and deaths, on the census going back to the early 1800s. We are just little bits of energy and flesh. Like Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz...."People come and go so QUICKLY here!"

  • poodlehead

    Mortality has hit me when I was very young so I had to deal with much younger than most. I am a only child with no Aunts, Uncles and only one distant cousin who I have never met. My Father died when I was 20 and I lost my mother eight years ago. So the only living relative I have is my son. I also had a near death experience about 13 years ago. That will really wake you up. I flat lined and had zero percent oxygen in my blood stream. So you could say I was brain dead as well. It took me years to get over it and then lost my mother and went through that.

    But I guess you could say it changed me. I stoped doing what was expected of me and started living for me. Not putting things off but doing them now. The few friends I have I try to treat like gold. I have remarried and he comes from a big family. Not why I chose him but what a blessing it has been. I love his mother almost as much as I love my own. Her English is terrible but she tries so hard to talk to me and let me know how much she loves me. I feel God has given her and his family to me when I really needed a family. She made a speach at our wedding and told me "You think all the family you have is your son. But this is not true. Everyone in this room is your family now. Because you love my son and make him so happy. I love you and you are my daughter." Okay there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

    My point is, sometimes family comes in a different package. The people who come in and out of your life, let them know DAILY you love them. Then when they leave they stay a part of your life. Just some advice.

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