How do you deal with a "Joy Kill?"

by free2beme 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    Is it possible that the noise from the fireworks triggered a "post traumatic" flashback and put her in "fight or flight" mode? It can be the most innocuous thing that triggers these reactions and to someone on the outside of these experiences, it certainly seems inappropriate and out of place/out of character for the person, and bewildering like this situation was to the people who don't know your friend or her history.

    Nothing wrong with taking her aside and getting her re-focussed on the present reality. You're a good friend to want to help her. I somehow doubt that she wants to "rain on everyone's parade" as it were, but perhaps part of her gets uneasy and nervous about having a good time or enjoying herself too much. Survivors of domestic abuse sometime subconsciously come to expect something bad to happen to them just as soon as things seem calm and fun and "normal" again, because that is part of the cycle of abuse. She might need some reassurance that her friends are just that: her friends, and that you have no intention of harming her in any way like her ex did.

  • serendipity

    I think you should just continue to point out to her that other people don't want to hear it and will pull away from her. You should also ask her to speak to her therapist about it as well.

  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    I really agree with the others here. My first instinct was to ask if she has a therapist helping her through. Sparkplugs thought was very loving: hold her. Remind her there are people surrounding her that are not abusive and are loving and that she can trust. And what Scully said regarding PTSD was so true and very possible. Amazing how abusive relationships can do that to a person. BSoM

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