's my story....

by CordyC 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • CordyC

    Hey guys, it's me- Cordy, again with my life story of being in the JWs

    I've lived in New York City almost all of my life and have been associated with the JWs way too long- since I was a little kid- 8 years old in 1987, plus my mom studied as early as 1983. My mom didn't get baptized until 1995 and I myself got baptized at the age of 17 iin 1996. I know we were probably on a list at some point as a "non-progressive" Bible study since it took us so long to get baptized. My mom and dad split in 1993 and that year was great because we were barely at meetings....then we got a shepherding call and my mom got sucked right back in. I was not a fan of my dad, and when my mom finally kicked him out it was good. He never even considered studying by the way- probably his only good trait. So she's sucked back into the JWs and starts getting serious about it, not having anyone holding her back anymore. Part of me felt that the religion was kinda true but on the same token I couldn't picture my classmates, etc. dying. Didn't matter.....I still got sucked in myself- studied the Knowledge book after finishing the Live Forever book for the second time and like I said, I was baptized while I was still in high school. Summer of 96. (I graduated in 1997.) I had intended to pioneer at some point, but my dad pretty much destroyed my mother's finances so I had to do the responsible thing- find a job.

    My mom wasn't a strict JW at first- I went to my prom and did most of the things a normal teenager did without the sex. It is funny because my prom took place in a church.

    Anyway, I started working in late '97 after graduating from my high school. College was never in the cards for me- partly because of the JW thing and also because I didn't think my mom could afford it. I kinda sometimes wish I had gone to college, because maybe I wouldn't be single right now.

    I kinda figured out for real that I was gay during my senior year, but kept it mostly to myself. In fact I wouldn't come out of the closet to several of my friends until 2000. I was still a regular at meetings at that point.

    Somewhere along the line, I got a new job and was still making all of my meetings, until my congregation merged with another one and several days got switched or meetings got earlier. Part of me felt betrayed, but at this point I was working so hard I had totally cut down my preaching hours to like two-three hours a month.

    Long story short- I still live with my mom as a 27-year-old helping her with her endless bills. She's become a psycho about the truth and wants me to "come back to Jehovah" before it is too late because she "loves" me. I want to tell her that she's been following a lie for nearly twenty years, but know that she will end up on the street if I don't help her out, either because she'd refuse it from me or whatnot. She works too but cannot make ends meet. (Because she had to rely on credit cards to help us through the difficult 1993-1997 period.)

    So i am stuck in this org either until I move out(which is not a viable option right now) or I help mom pay all her debts off. She is a great mom, she just has that horrible org influencing her.

    BTW- I make about 2.5 meetings a week, about an hour or two of field work(which I ABHOR) and I no longer carry a blood card.

    Rebel much? That's my story right now.


  • looking_glass

    I am sure it has to be hard living your life right now. I think you have a lot more strength then you realize. Sometimes you have to put up with stuff that sucks and is rough until it is safe to get out. Hang in there. You never know how things will turn out. Good luck with everything.

  • FlyingHighNow

    That has to be a bummer, being gay and stuck going to meetings to keep your mother from becoming a kamakazi.

    I go to a church with a gay priest and Sr. Warden is gay, too. I'm not gay. Let me tell you though, it's the best church I have ever attended.

  • sandy

    That is very kind of you to help your mom out w/ finances. I'm so tired I wanted to post more but I cannot even think straight right now. I hope your situation improves real soon. Good night . . .

  • under_believer

    To endure that to help your mother is commendable. It's a difficult call, and it's your and ONLY your call, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. Good luck. Keep posting on here. I'm still trapped in, too, and it helps a lot to be able to vent sometimes.

  • SPAZnik

    interesting. i've never before heard anyone link having not gone to college with being single.

  • SPAZnik

    oh and welcome to the board :)

  • anewme

    Welcome to the board ----you sweet loving son!

  • serendipity

    Hi cordy,

    You sound like a responsible son to want to help your mother out. It must be hard to be gay and still go to meetings and field service. It's not too late to pursue your college dream, so don't give up on that. There's student loans, etc. You could also start community college just to get the basics out of the way. Have you considered getting a second job to pay off your mom's debt and maybe save some money? A second job that would interfere with meeting times.

    It may take some time and effort to get independent, educated and free, but I think you could make it work. You just need a plan.

  • Nellie

    Welcome to the Board.

    One question: If you're gay, how would going to college have helped you get "married?"

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