i wont be a holy roller, but i am searching for something.

by blumandy 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • blumandy

    hi all, ive been disfellowshipped 11 years, and ive blindly went through life, but with in the past 5 years, getting married, having kids, ive started to want to learn of god.i feel being raised in the jw's i wasnt ever taught, and what i did learn was force fed, and i dont think it was 100% truth.truth to them, but not exactally biblical. anyhow, ive started doing my research , im reading the book of john now, and its pretty amazing, mind u im reading some verses over and over, to make sure i am understanding them, but it feels great. great to know i can freely read MY bible, of MY choosing, and benifit on MY own.ofcourse, i think its freaking my husband out, he knows ill never be a jw, (its a cult ,i feel)and a holy roller im not.(he was raised baptist)however, it is scary in a way delving into this scripture stuff, i in a way feel i cant measure up, i guess thats from the jw's. and my folks, i certainly dont measure up to them. anyhow am i the only one that feels this way?surely not.just venting here,mandy

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    Take you time with things and keep at it. What I have realized is that while Witnesses for the most part are good at explaining their point of view, they have a hard time getting into anything outside of it. It may be years untill your confidence has been built up, but start small and keep going.

  • smellsgood

    Yes, the beauty is that you can read WHOMEVER you please. Even authors from *gasp* Christendom...
    I hope your getting more out of the Bible than you did as a Witness. Are you coming away with anything different than what you were taught at the time?


  • BizzyBee

    You might come at it from the perspective of, 'what need are you looking for religion to fill?'

    If you are looking for solace, fellowship and uplifting thoughts - you may want to avoid the extremist religions and look at a Unity-type church.

    If you want explanations - try metaphysics. You'll find a lot of speculation, and some answers, but don't count on them being right, either.

    Unfortunately, having been in a dogmatic sect like JW acclimates one to expecting 'certainty' about God, what we should do, what to expect. I believe that there is no real certainty, we just hope that this is a benevolent universe and that there is a 'plan.'

  • Synergy

    Praise God! I am so happy that you are searching for Him. You're doing exactly the right thing. God wants us to want him and look for him, on our own because we want to, not because someone tells us to. What you're doing will develope the best relationship with him. Keep it up. I'm proud of you!


  • anewme

    I agree with Busy Bee. You have mentioned two very extreme religions. But there are churches, like the unity ones that are more mellow in their approach to doctrine.

    I have attended a friends Free Methodist church at her request, (she is in the choir) and found it to be very uplifting and inspirational and very social.

    I dragged my new husband to a church which was meeting in a school auditorium. (Again, another invite from work) Wow! The music! The singing! The involvement! So different than the business meeting atmosphere of the Kingdom Hall.

    I think these kind of churches, churches that make you feel good afterwards are the only ones I would consider taking my kids to. Churches that scare them with Hell Fire are to be avoided.

    How many times I came home from a Kingdom Hall and wanted a drink? Thats not right.

    Churches should make you feel great! If not, dont go back!

    I personally have exhausted the hunt for a church. My church is in my own house now, my little cabin, and in my own heart. I give myself talks and reproofs and there is singing and loving my neighbor going on and confession and prayer all in my heart. But definitely no disfellowshipping! I practice forgiving myself regularly!

    But seriously, I understand your desire to socialize your kids and introduce them to the concept of God and have them see others giving him praise too.

  • BizzyBee
    Praise God! I am so happy that you are searching for Him. You're doing exactly the right thing. God wants us to want him and look for him, on our own because we want to, not because someone tells us to. What you're doing will develope the best relationship with him. Keep it up. I'm proud of you!

    I rest my case. Respectfully.

  • NYCkid


    That's awesome, doesn't it feel good to read at your own leisure and intepretation? I enjoy flipping through my New International Version and especially enjoy reading the 4 gospels because Jesus' words are printed in red ink. (My NWT on the other hand sits in a box and although I occasionally use it to compare with the NIV).

    This is my opinion of course but I've discovered that the Bible is not to be read literally. It's sort of like a collection of short stories that have moral lessons and discusses human and godly nature and their relationship with each other. Because the writings were completed thousands of years ago, much of it's advice does not apply to modern living, it just doesn't regardless of what anyone says (we don't sacrifice animals to please God or kill women for having sex during their menstrual cycle anymore). Because I was raised a JW, I have to catch myself when I take something I read from the Bible literally. Keep in mind that the Bible is very contradictory and is such because it has many human authors and viewpoints. A human somewhere sometime decided which writings were to be included into the compilation that makes up the Bible. That's where faith that the Bible's compilation was divinely influenced.

    With that said, I would encourage you to keep reading and learn to develop the self-confidence in yourself and realize that you alone have the human ability to make your life beautiful.


  • the dreamer dreaming
    the dreamer dreaming

    measuring up is exactly how JWs and other trap you into their web of lies.... you are a part of the single unfolding of reality and cannot be anyone but who and what you are at this moment, ever... but they want you to measure yourself against some ideal fantasy which rejects reality and feel bad because you are real and not ideal.

    you can and will change as your life changes and you learn and grow, but you are not what you will be...so why feel bad about what you cannot be at this moment? feeling bad about it actually clouds your mind and prevents you from seeing things clearly, gets you to war against yourself rather than heal yourself.... when you find peace no one needs to tell you, but when you not at peace its not always easy to see why or which way to go to find peace again--yet with your best skill and judgement you gamble towards that goal and there will be no regrets if you realize that you did the best you could have at that moment.

    if our judgement is clouded that is the best judgement we have at the moment, there is no use whining and crying about it later after it cannot be undone...yet so many do just that.

  • blumandy

    Thanks for the kind thoughts, and infdo. I am reading john presently and then will read the gospels(had to find out what the gospels were, i never learned that from the kingdom hall,ofcourse i didnt pay to much attention either) anyhow, i think i have been taking the bible literally, i never knew not too. as far as what i have leardned, i learned in john, ch. 5 or 6, that god and jesus are equal, at least thats my take on it, i re read it like 5 times. i know that i was never taught that from jw's.they are very against that, and the trinity.ofcourse im still learning, so dont know what i believe, just yet.but i can tell im getting close! yes, im still standoffish with "religion, and church", but maybe in time, tho u'd think 11 years would be enough, oh, what scars ive been left with!~mandy

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