So why now after 18 years have I taken the step of joining you here?

by PaulMarshall 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  PaulMarshall

  Since finding this forum. I have so far lost two days work... I am soooooooooo behind. The shear volume of responses I have had from my initial posting as well as the emails, some of which made me shed tears, coupled with some incredibly stimulating conversation online I have had with dubs (I love my new found word) have left me with a back log of things to do. But hey who cares!

  I have been asked why now Paul? Why after 18 years since you DA’d have you decided to actually taken the step to actively pursue ex witnesses? I realised during one of my conversations with a new found friend that I only ever walked away from the organisation. I have never tried to actually understand the belief system I was born into, from a pragmatic stance. Anyone who has grown up in the “truth” will understand the notion that it is either the organisation or Satan, there is no middle ground what so ever. You never learn about the origins of the organisation to the point of being able to make an informed decision.

  This is the first time I have started to actually walk away from my belief system, even though for years it has been very much in a sense of comeplete denial i.e. if somehow I can rinse the truth from my thoughts and lose the debilitating guilt that often holds me back to this day. What then? So what if there is the real possibility that the JW’s are wrong? How do I make sense of what I see around me? Is Armageddon on the horizon? I don’t know. What I do know is I want to now look at all the facts and not just the polished version I was spoon-fed.

  Out of the mouths of babes is all well and good, but I want to some grown up spiritual food. True faith whatever that is must surely be born from freedom of choice. This I have never had. My religion was off the back of my mothers and her new found spirituality and I happend to have been a baby at the time. simple really when you think about it.
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  slimboyfat

  Understanding is important. Some essential reading:

  Raymond Franz, Crisis of Conscience [for the inside deal you were never told as a Witness]

  James M. Penton, Apocalypse Delayed [for the history of the movement without the interesting bits edited out]

  and

  Gary and Heather Botting, The Orwellian World of Jehovah's Witnesses [an eye-opener and some light comic relief]

  Hundreds of other good stuff, but that is the best start...

  Slim
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  PaulMarshall

  Thanks Slim I will check those titles out

  Paul
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  Emma

  I waited not as long as you, but for the same reasons. The org does a good job keeping our brains "washed" even after we leave; forums like this dilute it's power.
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  garybuss

  I ended up throwing everything out except the multiplication tables. ALL my core beliefs were wrong. Everything I learned at home, in school, and at the Kingdom Hall was wrong.
  My natural tendency is to protect my core beliefs, not challenge them, so it was hard to admit my whole operating system was messed up. One thing it did was paralyze me. I couldn't make a decision, because I knew my decision making tools were broke. I deferred.
  Next, I had to make a list on paper of my core beliefs, where they came from, and if they were based on fact or assumption. If they were based on fact, where did the fact come from? Was the "fact" reality or invented? I became a real skeptic, questioned everything.
  In the end I kept nothing I got from the Jehovah's Witnesses, very little I got from my parents, and NONE of the history lessons from United States public schools.
  I had to relearn the English language first thing. My education was all done with a stack of dictionaries. The Jehovah's Witnesses had taught me a vocabulary of error. I couldn't communicate or read a book, because I didn't understand the English language. Start with the word "condone".
  
  My initial search wasn't a search for meaning, it was a search for definitions.
  
  
  The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
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  jwfacts

  Good point.
  
  I have been actively pursuing my old d/f friends because I know many are in the state you have been, still thinking it may be true, and living in a perpetual state of guilt. When someone has not been a JW for a few years just a couple of hours of conversation is all that is necessary for them to realise it was a load of doctrinal hog wash and start to move on with their lives.
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  blumandy

  paul, im new to this forum , ive been disfellowshipped 11 years now, i was raised in the"truth" like u.anyhow, i too am just now seeking out these sites, and asking questions. i cant believe what i recently found out about the history of jws. anyhow, i decided to research and see what the"bible" says. since we always read the jw bible. so i got out a new international version, and king james version, and ive been reading the book of john, my husband is quite taken back by me reading, i might add. anyhow, in chapter 5 or 6 i believe, it shows a flaw to the jws teaching of god an jesus not being equal. it clearly seems to state that they are equal, im just learning of the trinity and not sure what exactly to blieve yet, but it did sadden me to see that it seemed my parents failed to miss this. since jws are very against the trinity. im typing alot, so ill just say, that ur not the only one that after years, has started to "think". do ur own research, its been so enlightening for me!~mandy
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  lonelysheep

  Hi Paul,

  Since finding this forum. I have so far lost two days work...

  
  This will now become part of your daily work routine, like most of us.