grief & jw's?

by carla 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • carla

    Reading the other thread made me wonder, do jw's ever truly grieve at the loss of a loved one? I can see in front of other jw's they feel the need to maintain the party line, but in private?

  • nicolaou

    I'm only guessing but I'd imagine there's a lot of conflict. The natural need to grieve against the guilt felt that grieving might betray a lack of faith. But on the whole, yes, I think most JW's grieve it's just that - like everything else the Watchtower has touched - the grieving process has become skewed and disfigured.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    JW's grieve like everyone else, perhaps some moreso. We were taught that death is unnatural and therefore they feel that it is a true crime that the person has died. For nonwitnesses its a natural thing that leads to heaven. For the witnoid the loved one is dust and not in any good place, there is always the chance that they were secretly sinning and might not be back!

    Sure, there are some zealots that applaud the "go straight to paradise ticket that it supposedly affords some" but I'd say those are rather few when it comes right down to it.


  • LyinEyes

    I can just give you my personal experience......I would say no,,,,,JW's do not grieve like the rest of people.

    When my Mom passed when I was 18, I was so strong,,,,,,,,I just kept on going, putting off the real grief because I felt that Jah, would take care of that in the NewWorld. So I put it off , thinking that he would take care of it all for me. After all the NW was just a couple of years away and I would see my Mom soon . That was 21 yrs ago.

    When I left the JW's, I truly broke down and grieved for my Mother, even admitted to myself what my beloved religion had done to her. She committed suicide , partly because she felt she let Jehovah down and would not be forgiven for her prescription drug abuse.

    I finally after all of those years was able to show emotion,,,,real raw emotion.

    Again it happened , I lost my baby sister to suicide 6 months ago. This time there was no religion telling me where she was, where she was going, or even if I would see her again. This time I cried, I moaned, I mourned, I laughed and I was angry.

    I am in a better place than I was6 months ago , as I should be. I will always grieve , because suicides are the worst kind of death if ya ask me, except that of your own child I would imagine, but I am going thru the basic normal patterns of grief.

    I know that 5 yrs down the road, I will still be grieving, but at least this time I accept that she is gone and that I have to move on. Maybe I will see her , maybe not , but I had her 35 yrs and she is with me no matter what. I can even entertain the thought that she might be in Heaven.

    Sometimes I wonder would it better to be a blind , fairy tale believing JW, or is it better to know we don't have all the answers? I choose the latter , and it seems to be a good way of thinking for me . Helps me grieve for what is lost , right here and now, and to move on the best I can.

  • Emma

    Carla, I'm glad you started this thread. My mom died two and a half weeks ago and I am pushing down the grief, trying not to confront it because I'll totally break down. She was baptized in 1954 or 55 during a convention at Yankee Stadium; I remember walking to the beach and seeing the huge waves, afraid that my mom would drown or be snatched out into the ocean. My usually terrified grandmother was calm, believing that her daughter would be protected. She remained "faithful" for the most part for all of those years. I know I should start another thread; I don't want to hi-jack yours, but it's so appropriate for me right now. I "lost" her about 12 years ago when I walked away from the cult. It hurts.

  • LyinEyes

    ((((((Emma))))) I am so sorry for your loss.

    My dad is an active witness and it was so hard at my sister's funeral because he so much wanted me to believe the way I used to. I couldnt , not for one second find any comfort in the earthly resurrection. I basically told him I don't even believe in God anymore.

    It is so hard to mourn , when one is JW and one is not. At this time it should be where me and my Dad can comfort each other , but it can't be that way.

    I just feel for ya Emma, I lost my mom when I was 18 and I know it is so hard. What makes it worse is the that religion was between you. Do you have time with your Mom before she passed to talk , where ya'll close at all?

  • Emma

    Thank you, LyinEyes. We were close when I was in the org. I had her only grandchildren. She lived with my zealot sister and near my other zealot sister and her elder husband. I last saw her three years ago. My sisters were chomping to get at me, but since I was traveling with a "worldly friend," they were on good behavior. We hadn't spoken in nearly a year. I feel cowardly for not confronting my sisters, and yet I knew that would cut off any possibility of contact with my mom. They didn't tell any of us she was so ill; my youngest daughter (unbaptized, of course) had been in contact with her and they didn't even let her know grandma was critically ill. I just hate that organization so much!

  • lilybird

    I lost my mom in my early 20's when I was expecting my second child. I know I felt the grief. Emotions are high enough when you are pregnant, but when I went to the viewing I broke down sobbing and had to leave the room.

    Some made comments to me after that I shouldn't grieve because now she would be resurrected, so I shouldn't be sad over her death,, I said to 2 sisters visiting me,,, that Jesus wept when Lazarus died even though he know right after he was going to resurrect him. So why shouldn't we show grief?? The sister said to me that she had never thougth of that before.!!!!!..Dubs really don't know or understand the bible or Christ at all..They are a true cult!!!!

  • Emma

    Lilly, yeah, that "get over it" attitude. I used to tell people how much our family cried when I moved away from home! That was the time when you didn't phone long distance very often. Separation hurts, death is the worst separation. We know their emotions are skewed. Sorry for your loss; what a difficult time that must have been for you but I'm glad you faced it like you needed to.

  • lilybird

    Thanks for the kind words Emma, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother..don't be afraid to just break down and have a good cry,, It won't change anything of course,, but it does help with the healing..

    Thanks for starting this thread Carla,, I feels good to keep talking about these experiences,,I find for myself.. it is really healing to be able to talk about it,,especially with others who have similiar experiences..

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