How do you stop hating?

by ThomasCovenant 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ThomasCovenant


    I'm finding it very difficult not to hate those still in.

    My wife says I hate the religion but shouldn't hate the individuals.

    I think she's correct but it's getting more and more difficult not to show my feelings of anger and hatred.

    The thing is I was one of them for 30 years so I should have more patience, respect and sympathy.

    I think they fall into two camps

    1 Deluded

    2 Self Deluded

    It should be easy to have feelings of sympathy for group 1 but it's still hard.

    I do not want to end up a bitter person.


    Thomas Covenant

  • Sparkplug

    I stopped when I realized that they were either:

    1 Deluded

    2 Self Deluded

    That helps me get past it all.

    Plus if I stay angry, then well they still have the best of me.

  • nelly136

    when i'm sitting on a beach getting sand in my sarnies (and everywhere else) and enjoying the sun and breeze with my kids while theyre stuck in a hall with no windows going through the motions and getting rsi of the bum and mind......pity springs to mind ......hate just gives you acid/ulcers/gas

  • parakeet

    If you haven't been out of the WT for very long, you just need more time between you and the JWs you know. Building a life away from the WT will soon occupy your thoughts more than the wrongs you've experienced at their hands, and the hate and bitterness will begin to fade (although it may never completely go away).
    Thirty years later, I can still get pretty steamed up at the WT, but not with the gut-wrenching bitterness I used to feel.

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    I have a hard time understanding how someone can hate people for their religious beliefs.

  • JamesThomas

    Thomas, I suggest some open and honest self examination.

    Quietly and without judgment invite and allow the hatred to arise. Clearly see the suffering which accompanies hatred: the emotional anxiety, the physical tightness and tensions, etc. Realize that carrying around hatred is hurting you and those around you; as it taints the beauty of your kindness and compassion. In other words: sit with and get to know hatred and the price you pay to carry it. Once you clearly see the dynamics within yourself, it is then easy to no longer dwell in hatred and you can let go of it.

    Hatred may come visit once in a while still, however as you are now aware of it's presence, it is not a problem and quickly fades away.

    Discovering such dynamics within yourself also brings deeper understanding and compassion for others who suffer from similar difficulties.


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    If not careful it can become the one area in which they still have control in your life.

    How long out, Thomas Covenant? Tell us a little about yourself and your escape.

    Wifey and I have been out coming up on three years this fall. It [ the release of anger and replacement with heathier emotions and direction ] takes a measure of time. About a year back we started to 'get over it' some. Each passing month brings a greater sense of freedom from real and damaging error.

    We too spent 30+ years in the organization, 43 for me if you count the 'unbaptised years' as a youthful believer.

    Welcome to the forum.


  • tfsm

    Time will help. So will moving somewhere else and making new acquaintances. When I realized that the time I spent hating them was all the more time they were stealing from me, I quit hating them.

  • looking_glass

    I agree that time will help in the healing process.

    But my feelings are not of hate, because I feel too sorry for them.

  • serotonin_wraith
    I have a hard time understanding how someone can hate people for their religious beliefs.

    I think for alot of people it's more than that. I don't hate anyone for wanting to believe in Jesus and God and all that jazz, I think what I hated when I got out was the control they had in trying to force their beliefs onto others, and the way they treat anyone who leaves. Just to name a couple of things. Now I'm my own man and I don't hate them, just certain attitudes they have.

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