I am trying to figure out a way to help my Brother get past the guilt of being a JW. We were raised JW, pretty much your classic JW life and childhood. I got DF'd about 3 years ago, tried for a while to get reinstated in the meantime I did alot of research and found SUPRISE this wasnt the truth. My parents also did a great deal of research and SUPRISE came to the same conclusion. We have not attended in over a year. My brother just kind of followed us and stopped going, although he did, out of guilt, attend memorial this year. He will not listen to what we have to say about the reasearch we have done, and even tells us we shouldnt be doing it, he tells me I need to get reinstated and I would feel alot better(I feel fine). We cant talk about it with him, we have to be very sensitive to his feelings on b-days(he wont really celebrate) or any holidays(still thinks they are all bad). He feels guillt all the time. I know he just wants to feel normal and I think he would if I could share some things with him, or maybe get him an expert in exiting cults.Im just not sure how to approach the whole thing. I know he doesnt want to be a part of it, but doesnt know how to break free. Does anyone have any advice or dealt with someone like that??????
Need to help Brother
As he was raised a JW it will take some time to deprogram his mind from all the JW propaganda, it will take a lot of reading about the nature and history of this devious org or someone instructing him in that knowledge. He will need to build up the right mentality to participate in the rest of the world which is not all bad as the WTS claims. There are many people there better than the average dub.
Does he ask you why you don’t go back to the meetings? Tell him why you "feel" the meetings are not what they claim they are. Thought provoking questions would be a good way to get him to think.
When my younger sister stopped going to the meetings I told her that if she believes it is the truth she should go and not find excuses not to go. Then I told her why I don’t go, mentioning the hypocrisy and enmities among elder families she was full aware off. My main point was always the identifying mark of love. Where is that love?
It can take years for some, just like it took us time to come to realize things. Questions and living without guilt and fear worked best for me. Salvation only through the WT!? That was another topic to help with the guilt-force. Will Jehovah really kill you for not going to the meetings? Let your brother see that leaving the organization means not leaving God.
But you just doing fine and coping with life is the best "witness". Maybe let him meet the new friends you have made among the ‘worldly people’. Because you now choose your own friends and don’t let the Society tell you who your friends ought to be. Life is good outside the WT.
What types of things can I start out with that wont upset him too much or shut the conversation down completely?
The topics that worked best with my family were:
- The identifying mark of love
- "spiritual paradise"
- Elders appointed by Holy Spirit
- Salvation only through the WTS
- "Generation" change in 1995 WT 1. Nov.
- Also highlighting the unbiblical terminology, like "publishers" instead of Christians, "field service report", "magazine placements"…
You know your brother best. What does he say when talking about the ‘truth’? Why does he not go to the meetings? What makes him believe in the WTS? What convinced him ‘to make the truth his own’?
What it really comes down to is personal issues. Your brother KNOWS it a lie but can't come to grips with reality that basically says "you pissed away X years of your life". I would focus on what he can do NOW. Maybe get everyone to take a class together at a hobby store or college. Do something to put some meaning back into his life. I had a hard time coming to grips myself but not as bad as my wife, who still cannot or will not see reality.
My wife made one interesting comment last night that might help you, and has allowed me to see some insight. She said right or wrong, she continues to go to the meetings because it gives her association and allows her to be around people that have similiar beliefs. She acknowledged that they could be wrong, but basically goes because "it feels good". Perhaps you can use that info to your advantage and help your brother to break free by filling the void with something else.
Hey sweetie, go to the un site and print out the page that says the jw was part of the un for 10 years. Then go to the liturature (jw) and find where they say it is so evil and it will bring the end. Hand him all the info and ask him to explain. If you need any help let me know.