0-16. My Story.

by serotonin_wraith 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ferret

    WELCOME SW stick around and make some friends.

  • serotonin_wraith

    Thanks for the welcome everyone.

    Bubble, I'm too scared to reveal my true location, ah who am I kiddin, I really couldn't care less. South Wales, near Newport. See, that's how your attitude changes the longer you're free. A few years ago I'd have been scared of my thoughts getting back to certain people, now to hell with it. I'm proud of the choices I made and I have never ever wanted to go back. I won't act like a different person for anyone.

    Supersonic, I'm not sure what I would have done if I didn't have anywhere else to go, I got lucky there or I could have been trapped for a few more years. I think you said you were thinking about going on to university, which I'm all for, but it could hold you back from moving out too. Depends how you go about it.

    I can see alot of people have joined up because they're at points in their lives where they need people to talk to about their experiences, I've also seen comments from people who still want to believe in Jehovah yet who don't like the witnesses way of doing things, which to me is a little strange. I'm only going from my own perspective there, I'm not speaking for others. For me, the religion was either an in or out affair. If you're between, to them you're basically out. I think that could be to do with people finding it hard to break free completely because it's been such a big part of their lives. They're clinging onto it.

    I decided to join up because I was talking on msn to someone who'd just found out her friend was a witness, then the next day I saw some going around my area, so it was on my mind and after some searching of anti-JW sites I was drawn here. It could be a good way to help any youngsters who are in my former position. I broke free and now guilt trips won't work on me, I'll pretty much say whatever's on my mind and if it offends some people, life can be alot worse than a few insulting comments on a message board. Not that I'll go out of my way to offend, but you can't please everyone, with whatever you say.

  • Sparkplug
    I knew he was more interested with how it made him look as a parent than my spiritual wellbeing

    I can sooooo relate to that. My congregation was all about "keeping up with the joneses".

    Absolutely, it is as if you get in problem for being normal and having a problem and then you get no help for the actual problem and the help you do get does not apply to anything that has to do with real life.

  • smellsgood

    Hi there Serotonin_wraith

    I'm very happy to hear you got out of the cult at a relatively young age. Good for you. You mentioned that you were finally allowed to hang out with nonbelievers, mentioning your mother. Does this mean that you were not allowed to see her growing up???? That your father was a JW and had custody of you?? What happened with her? Did she leave it or was she "expelled"?

    Its kind of funny you mentioned this:::

    "I had to throw away a CD (The Holy Bible by Manic Street Preachers if anyone's interested!) but I fished it out of the bin the next morning and hid it"

    because I just downloaded that album again like a week ago...after having not heard it for about three years or so.

    My dad doesn't like it either. In fact he was over at the house today and said in his irascible way "can you just turn that off....let's just listen to something peaceful"...

    cool, groovy, morning, fine...


  • sass_my_frass

    Hey thanks for your story! I'm so glad you had somewehre to go, are you still close to your mum? I can't even imagine how happy she would have been to find out that you wanted her life, not your dad's.

    Yeah I'm still a little scared to reveal who and where I am; mostly I'm worried that my mum will track me down and read that everybody here has seen the mad things she's said. Still, we have to talk somewhere right? Don't worry about it, if they get this deep into an 'apostate' (heh) website they won't be calling you on anything you now believe or say, they'll be too busy fighting their own demons.

    That said, at least one person has been outed on JWD - Richie Rich - for doing some exceptional undercover work. He was posting his name, suburb, and photos; so there was bound to be somebody who knew him eventually. Some vindictive skank fixed him up, and it was bad for him for a while. He's doing well now though and it seems he's better off. He's had to grown up really quickly but you know what, probably the faster he's outta there the better for him. Why waste any more years?

    Anyway; congratulations on finding freedom, and humanity! Isn't it constantly surprising, and pretty much always brilliant?

  • serotonin_wraith

    My mum was out of it, I'm not sure if she was disfellowshipped, she was in the past. My Dad had me because he'd laid the guilt trip on my mum after she left the JWs that I could die come armageddon, so it was best I went to live with him. I could still see her, but the distance made it so it wasn't often enough. That was when I was about nine.

    My mum has started to show an interest in going back, she's stopped celebrating holidays and goes to some, if not all the meetings. Completely stupid in my eyes, because she had such a clear view on what is was all about, same as most people here. It's something I'm going to start talking about in another thread.

  • Balsam

    Hi serotonin_wraith,

    Glad you found your way here. Very sorry to hear your Mom is thinking of going back. That is just dumb. Maybe you can help her wake up again.


  • LDH
    Defiant acts like that became the turning point,


    I call it the "Rosa Parks." Yeah, maybe all she did was sit on a bus, but it had a credible ripple effect.

    Parents squelching any evidence of individuality forced otherwise "good" children to become sneaky and defiant. I hid my 45 "Rock the Casbah" by The Clash under a sofa cushion. It was found and broke in half. I bought it again, and hid it better.

    You have a great knack for telling your story.


  • DesertRat

    Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    I have been able to find some common ground with almost everyone's story here, & yours is no exception--there was the same pressure to put on a good 'appearance' for Jehovah & the Organization (& never mind what other people are doing..), the same 'all-or-nothing' & 'your best is never good enough' mentality, & especially the same DISREGARD FOR PERSONAL PRIVACY. Right up to the time I left home ten years ago, my mother would enter my room at any time while I was gone to poke around & discard anything that she considered 'unchristian' or 'wrong,' end of story, no questions asked...I lost many good CD's & magazines that way..

    It is also true that the 'Armageddon fear' & other programmed messages can persist long after we have made the conscious or intellectual decision to leave. What I had hoped would be a 'quick fix'--educating myself, or being educated, about the many doctrinal errors, failed prophecies, etc.,--has taken much longer than expected due to the many emotional factors which remain. Fortunately, as others here may tell you, each day does get a little easier. Coming to this site is a definite help.

    Thank you again for sharing your story, & please continue to participate in the healing process with us..


  • SPAZnik

    Thanks for sharing your story. :)

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