How False Can You Be Now?

by serotonin_wraith 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • serotonin_wraith

    Hi, my first post but I'll get more into my background later.

    I was raised as a JW for sixteen years, one good thing that came from it was my learned ability to lie extremely convincingly using body language and speech. Not just through how they taught you to act, but by leading a double life for so long just to survive childhood.

    So how about you? How false are you able to act now and do you find it helps?

    I have to deal with the public in my job and it helps tremendously there. I look after the elderly at a nursing home, so dealing with awkward relatives and newcomers is a big part of it. Within minutes of someone new coming to stay with us, I have to make them feel at ease and comfortable and that they can trust me, when I don't even know them well enough to tell if I like them or not.

  • candidlynuts

    hi SW welcome to the forum

    i was raised a jw and am in my 40s now.

    i didn't live a double life but i understand what your saying about how you present yourself to people. one of my biggest problems since i became inactive is how to interact with people deeper than the facade. its freakin hard to make friends.

    sometimes on dark days i dont think there IS anything behind the facade!

    i too did well dealing with the public.i was in sales and one thing you learn as a jw is how to deal with the public in supervicial ways!

  • Satanus

    As a jw, even if i didn't like somebody, i could instantly put on a smile and friendliness. I'm not very superficial, anymore. I deal w a number of people who are, who lie and pretend to ease social interaction or to facilitate business transactions. I understand the reasons for it, and should probably do it myself. I guess that i don't care enough.


  • sir82
    ability to lie extremely convincingly
    I look after the elderly at a nursing home

    Erm, which nursing home is this? I think I'll be looking elsewhere, when the time comes...

  • luna2

    Welcome to the board, serotonin!

    I was an extremely shy child and had to learn how to fake it at an early age just to be able to function. The ability to project a facade came in handy when I became a military wife and, even more so, when I subsequently became a JW.

    So, this isn't just a JW phenomenon, although I would imagine growing up in the troof it would be absolutely necessary to develop not only the ability to project confidence and friendliness when you don't feel it, but also to learn how to lie to and manipulate people.

    At any rate, its interesting how witnesses say that they are all about honesty, truth and integrity, but what they do best is the opposite of that.

  • serotonin_wraith

    Most of the time I will just act how I want, I suppose in a job you have to change yourself slightly otherwise you risk losing your job and you can't really get away from having to interact with some people.

    I've also found I can spot a false person from 20 paces, I can see through it quite easily.

    Candidlynuts, I think true connections can be made with people, but it's rare. The people I can be truly myself with are the ones I consider the closest people in my life, the ones worth caring about.

  • daystar

    Oh, I learned quite well, early on, how to lie and manipulate, how to adjust my outward appearance to appeal to whomever I wish.

    However, I learned after leaving, how much more powerful honesty is in dealing with people. Also, coming to terms with the fact that not everyone has to like me was a big turning point with me. Also, coming to terms with the fact that I don't have to pretend I'm perfect when I'm not.

    That being said, the skills are still there. I just keep an eye open and adjust if I find myself being less than honest.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi SW, and welcome to the board.

    I became a jw at age 23, after a couple of years of study, and I never really lived a double life, apart from very occasionally driving off out of the area to smoke a cigarette. I had to break a heavy habit to become a jw, and sometimes the stress got to me. Apart from that, I didn't do much wrong in jw eyes.

    I don't really deal with the public much, working in the admin section of a hospital, but on the odd occasion I do I must admit being an ex jw has made me an expert in bs when required.

  • Scully

    I think there's a big difference between "lying" and initiating a professional / therapeutic relationship with someone. As a professional, I'm not required to "like" the people I work with, but I am required to treat them with respect and dignity and professional courtesy, none of that is in any way "dishonest".

    As a matter of fact, "liking" someone with whom you have a professional relationship can be detrimental to the professional relationship, because the emotional pull can cause you to spend time with them and at the expense of other clients whom you don't "like" as much, and do things for clients you "like" that you wouldn't do for others. It's nice if the therapeutic relationship is pleasant and doesn't involve cantankerous clients, but life isn't like that.

    At the same time, professional behaviour requires that we don't stoop to the level of a client who is being manipulative, or verbally or physically abusive (even if we really want to). That's not lying either. It's meeting an ethical and professional standard.

  • serotonin_wraith

    Sir82, it's a good home and I am a caring person, honest! But certain situations require you to be false. I've been in the job nearly four years now so I do like it, and I'm mostly myself. But there are times you have to act differently to how you really feel, and how you act in a job was just one example I could think of to illustrate my point.

    Daystar, I had a similar change with regards to wanting people to like me. You come to realize some people will and some people won't, even if you do try and influence them. The ones who don't like you aren't usually worth any of your time.

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