by nicolaou 5 Replies latest social humour

  • nicolaou

    1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

    2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)

    3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

    4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

    5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

    6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

    7. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27)

    8. Marry your sister. - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

    9. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

    10. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

    11. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though) - David (2 Samuel 11)

    12. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

    13. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

  • daniel-p

    You missed one:

    "Rape any woman you want, pay her father fifty silver shekels, and she's yours." - Deuteronomy 22:28, 29

  • freedomlover


    that was hysterical.

    sad. but hysterical also.

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Very funny lol

  • DaCheech

    The Bible is a JOKE, any educted person would realize the wrong in these!!!

    If I would rape my neighbor, then ask to pay for her????? I would be in jail or dead!!!

  • pallemar

    15. kil your general, and marrie his wife.(samuel book capter 12:12-27)

    I hope it is corret, i don't have it in english, only danish:(

    she must have look preddy good:)

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