An Unexpected Gratitude.... (kinda long)

by BrendaCloutier 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • BrendaCloutier

    I got married in June 1975 at 18-1/2 years old. This after being pulled out of H.S. (3.4gpa) to go into the ministry and regular pioneer, or eventually find a husband. Hated pioneering. Hate sales! But eventually found a husband.

    (dated 2 weeks, hormones flared, engaged 3-1/2 months, was a virgin on wedding night. typical JW process)

    I had doubts about a month or so before the wedding date, and because I knew how much "talk" always went around, and MOSTLY because the invitations were already sent (!), I didn't back out of the marriage. I saw things that weren't "right". Both with him, his family AND the congregation they were in.

    But I went thru with it and steeled myself to my decision.

    Beyond our leaving off going to meetings because of the way we were treated as a couple and as individuals (I had never been shunned! And now I was being shunned for one of the stoopidest reasons - the family I married into wasn't as "good" a JW family it could have been). Don's alcoholism developed, and so did mine. Our relationship became drunken and he became violent. Very violent. I still have a couple scars - gifts from 1) interfereing when he was yelling at a couple of pre-teens who he accused of steeling his beer when we were at the river one summer - he hit me in the face and broke my glasses - on my face. 2) one night when I wouldn't stay up and drink with him because I had work the next morning and it was already 1am - he threw me around, including into a doorknob. I have a fatty tumor on my back from that.

    I finally got sober in 1990 with seriousness. I worked my arse off in their program of recovery, working the steps with a sponsor ad nauseum. Coming to the 8th step - 'made a list of those we have harmed and make amends except when to do so would harm them or others' and 9th step - make amends where possible -- Don was on my list. Why? I'm not sure but there must be something i have to make amends for since I was involved - inspite of his treatment of me. The only thing I could come up with was going ahead and marrying him when I knew I shouldnt' ... and you don't go and tell someone that!

    I had an insight a couple months ago. If I had NOT married him.. I might well have staying in JWism, becoming an MS and eventually an Elder's wife, eventually having kids. My alcoholism would have been closeted. I may well have ended up dead. I certainly would have ended up dead if I had stayed with him.

    I owe my 1st husband a debt of gratitude; for helping me get out of the dubs early in my life. I was completly out by the time I was 20.

    For me, Armageddon came in 1975. At least for me the Great Tribulation began. The next few years were hell, and include suicide attempts by us both.

    Today I'm free. And at 49 yo, I'm gratefull that almost all of my adult life has been OUT of the bOrg.

  • candidlynuts

    strange how things can be looked at in so many different ways.

    that big word that could change our worlds.. " IF"

    i'm glad your HERE!

  • Rooster

    Thank you for sharing.. Life can be a bitch @ times..

  • Odrade

    Cool Brenda. bump.

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    Another one who's glad you're safe and here (((hugs)))

    So often, goods things can come from a bad situation but we usually only see it with hindsight.

  • catbert

    First, I am glad you are doing well. It sounds like you are.

    So do I understand correctly that you do not have kids now? When I hear a story of destructive alchoholics, and hear they did not have kids, I derive a bit of satisfaction from that. Kids should not have to be exposed to that. Alchoholic parents = bad in my opinion. Haven't heard many good stories from kids who had alchoholic parents.

    I was raised JW, but my parents walked the walk, and still do. Never drunk, never high. I respect them for that. I have nothing bad to say about my parents.

  • BrendaCloutier

    Thanx - a lot!

  • confusedjw

    BC - what a positive outlook to come up with a valid reason to find gratitude in a bad situation. I have to say I'm horrified that this man hit you and threw you into a door and of course more you didn't detail. But to look on the bright side of a bad situation and to come to realistic conclusion is so mature and healthy. Thumbs up to you sister!

  • Virgochik

    It sounds like you have always had inner strength, Brenda, and courage, too. We all live and learn, and you've got the rest of your life ahead of you to enjoy!

    What ever became of your husband, is he still stuck in the Borg, and his destructive lifestyle? Kudos to you, for escaping!

  • catbert


    Are you being sarcastic?

    I am drinking right now, and I am glad I am not exposing kids to me!

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