by kwijibo 20 Replies latest social family
i want to be very sensitive to this issue, but there are some points i have difficulty empathizing with.
i would suggest you both sit down and TALK sans references from any "holy inspired" book. it doesn't seem to help if your conversations are peppered with:
"but the bible says this"
"the WT says that..."
talk like freely and openly, like when you first met...
all the best,
calliopé
First, I would look at the marriage and see what the good points are. What drew you to your wife in the first place; what drew her to you? Are those qualities still there?
Marriage can be difficult even without the WT factor. But if the WT factor is the only thing, or almost the only thing that brought you two together there might be little reason to continue on except for the children's sake (which is not a good reason in my opinion if the marriage is bad.)
Endangerment should only come into it if you are actively bringing information into the family that she sees as an attack on her religious beliefs. That is why it is important to be very careful about things that could be seen as negative. Rather than telling her what to think or feel, you can share carefully how you feel.
My husband left the WTS about a year after I did without my having to say anything negative about the WTS. The elders and other JWs said and did everything, their actions spoke louder than any words I could have said.
I would also continue being a loving husband in ways that don't revolve around the JW persona. Continue being a good father, caring and thoughtful, sharing the responsibilities at home, seeing your wife as a partner rather that a person who "should be submissive."
But in the end, as experiences on this board prove, even with the best intentions and efforts, marriages don't continue, JW or non-JW. Your children though will continue be the best from your relationship with your wife regardless.
Blondie
juni:
She wouldn't be free to remarry unless he committed adultery. If he never married or any adultery proven, then she has to remain single. Isn't that correct? Thanks for your help.
That's true.... although I have heard of cases where there was no adultery, and due to the good ol' JW rumour mill, the body of elders just assumed that there was adultery and the person was trying to cover it up to prevent the "innocent" mate from remarrying, and permitted the remarriage to take place. Apostates™ are capable of stuff like that, dontcha know....
Thanks for all your good advice - i have held back on attacking her with Witness literature - seems to me like it would just antagonize her anyway.
Things are calming down and i will just have to stand my ground and see how long it can last - mean while preparing for the worst.
There is no major issues on my side apart from not going anymore.
kwijibo, what Watchtower was that excerpt taken from?
Forget any watchtower articles. They're nothing but a pile of crap. See a lawyer ASAP, before the elders convince her to lock you out of your own home. It's been done, and they don't care if it's legal or not. Protect your rights, assets, and sanity.
W
I've been a mile in those shoes. It ended up in us separating, after my health declined, and ultimately we divorced. Fortunately we had no kids.The reason she's probably pressuring you to leave, rather than just making the move herself, is to do with the way they interpret 1Cor.7. If you leave she has a chance of coming up smelling of roses. Be assured that they will be demonising you, behind your back. LT.
Exact same history on this end except we have kids. She tried to get me to move in with 'worldly' people and all kinds of crazy stuff.
I wouldn't budge an inch. She left and proceeded to get an order of protection against me to try to get me evicted. I got an attorney and filed suit against her for divorce.
Bottom line: She was all upset that I filed on her because it wasn't 'scriptural' (meaning she can't get remarried and stay a JW unless I do the dirty or get married myself). All she wanted was to 'bring me to my senses' and 'go back to Jerhover.'
I got the house free and clear, she raises the kids but i get to see the one we had together. It took a heluva court battle just to get to see him, though.
Get prepared for the worst and pray for the best.
The Jehovah's Witnesses will stop at Nothing to get you to go back to their cult.
When that fails, the attacks begin against your character and reputation.
Just make sure that you are squeaky clean because these people will do everything in their power to get her 'scripturally free'. If it means lying under oath to ruin you, they have no boundaries with the Watchtower's 'Theocratic warfare' doctrines (I was interviewed 4 times for molestation before she got caught in one too many lies and the authorities dropped the charges).
As a woman and mother I would suggest this. It's hard ball and it will piss her off but in the end it could make her settle down and stop the nonsense in getting you to leave.
Tell her that she must be the one to leave and that she will not take the children from the home. Under no circumstances will you leave. Some husband have nipped this in the bud with this tactic, and eventually peace did come home to roost. Don't give into her demands, its your home and she is letting the religion manipulate her. Show her the articles let her be annoyed and if she wants to play the JW game then use it to your advantage. Your her husband so long as she stays with the family and she will listen to you if she doesn't want to disappoint her Heavenly Father. Let her know you are not budging one inch. Be tough. If she wants to leave then fight her for custody of your kids and the family home. Make it tough. By nature us women are intimadated by men who will not yield.
That's what I would do if I was a father and Dad trying to fade and had a JW wife.
That's strange behaviour by a JW wife, she is not supposed to break the marriage bond and its workings without having adultery or at least mental/physical ill treatment as a basis.
Paradoxically, if you started beating her, the elders would probably encourage her to stay with you, because then she'd be the poor, persecuted JW wife who has to stay with you to "give a good witness" to Jehovah's sacred marriage covenant.
Becoming an alcoholic would work too.
