Help Me with JW wife

by kwijibo 20 Replies latest social family

  • kwijibo

    My JW wife is trying to push me out of the family home. I am an inactive JW for about 5 years and she has begun putting pressure on me to leave. Do you have any articles for me to fight her with? I realize she has to be subservient to her husband but seems to have gone past the point of caring. Thanks.

  • Fe2O3Girl

    Hi Kwijbo. That is a tough one.

    Does she think you are "spiritually weak" or is she aware of deeper doubts or disbelief? Beyond JW life, is your marriage still rich and joyful? Why does she really want to end things?

    I think you should think carefully about why you want to preserve your marriage, and then explain your reasons to her.

    Good luck.


  • LittleToe

    I've been a mile in those shoes. It ended up in us separating, after my health declined, and ultimately we divorced. Fortunately we had no kids.

    The reason she's probably pressuring you to leave, rather than just making the move herself, is to do with the way they interpret 1Cor.7. If you leave she has a chance of coming up smelling of roses. Be assured that they will be demonising you, behind your back.

    It doesn't sound like the relationship is doing too well. How much do you want it, and are there kids involved?

  • kwijibo

    Yes kids are involved..

    We have been shaky because she has been waiting for me to 'come to my senses' and now has snapped.

    I do still love her though and refuse to leave.

    I worry she can try to force me out through legal means but i need to find some articles to try a cut her off at the pass.

    I found her Watchtower cd and found this in a WT article about wives:

    6 When a wife presents Bible truth kindly to her husband and there is no response, then what? Should she act terribly disappointed? Should she then become angry? No! Instead of showing open disappointment or becoming angry with her husband, the Christian wife does well to close the matter when it is appropriate. She does not press matters too far, nor does she become overanxious.

    7 Showing respect toward her husbandly head, the Christian wife would not use God’s truth to threaten him. (Eph. 5:33) Even if he rejects the truth, does not want to hear about it, or even treats his wife abusively, reviling her, she would not be justified in using the truth to threaten him. When her gracious words are rejected or she is treated abusively, the Christian wife does well to remember Jesus’ example. Concerning this, the apostle Peter wrote: “In fact, to this course you were called, because even Christ suffered for you, leaving you a model for you to follow his steps closely. He committed no sin, nor was deception found in his mouth. When he was being reviled, he did not go reviling in return. When he was suffering, he did not go threatening, but kept on committing himself to the one who judges righteously.” (1 Pet. 2:21-23) That is the wise course for Christian wives.

    I don't know if it would be enough if we were to present it to her - she would probably get more annoyed.

  • LittleToe

    I tried that, too - you've anticipated the response well.

    On the one hand you're presenting literature that supports you, on the other hand she'll have peer-pressure applied, along with literature that "might" mean something different.

    Dang it's messy. I feel for ya.

    Good luck!

  • Scully

    It seems that the elders have convinced her that you meet the criteria for "spiritual endangerment" for her and the children.

    They have already slandered you in the extreme in order for this to occur. Perhaps she has her eye on someone new and wants to be "free to remarry" someone who is Strong In The Truth™.

    Would she agree to go to marriage counselling (real counselling, not with the elders)?

  • kwijibo

    I have no idea if she has been talking to the elders or not.

    As far as i know she has not been thinking of someone else.

    I have never stood in her way or the childrens when it comes to meetings and still say its their decision.

    We have been arguing over money - she seems to have her head in the clouds when it comes to that.

    I have not really thought about a marriage counseller but would be interested in one outside the congregation obviously.

    What are the details of 'spiritual endangerment'?
    Where can i find an article on it?


  • Scully

    If you can get access to the WT CD ROM again, do a search for the word "endangerment".

    The term they use is "absolute spiritual endangerment" - and oddly enough, "absolute spiritual endangerment" is given as a valid reason for separation from a spouse.... yet at the same time, they only consider "extreme" physical abuse to be sufficient to leave the marriage.

    What's wrong with that picture?

  • juni

    Scully I have a question - First, here is what you had said:

    Perhaps she has her eye on someone new and wants to be "free to remarry" someone who is Strong In The Truth™.

    She wouldn't be free to remarry unless he committed adultery. If he never married or any adultery proven, then she has to remain single. Isn't that correct? Thanks for your help.


  • wednesday

    yes it has become very popular now to get rid of the spouse. jws divorce quite a lot now.. years ago the jw wife or husband stayed and never gave up on the mate "coming into the truth'. Now, with very little to provoke them, spouses will declare "absolute spiritual endangerment" and end the marriage. Seems since the 80's and the " apostate thing at bethel" they feel more empowered to end marriages, sometimes scheming to get out. They figure the unbelieving spouse will find somone else, so they are free to remarry the jw of their choice. This happens so often, well it is not even funny. It is a ruthless cold thing to do ,esp if you have been togetehr for while and have children. Might want to check out the booklet they use winning court cases for child custody. They will tell absolute lies. Don't know how old your children are and how close you are to them, or you'd want to fight for custody, but if you don't fight a bit, she will turn your own children against you and have them not even speaking to you. Don't know what you do for work, but if it involves the jws, it will effect it.Are you a baptized jws or just an "unbelieving" spouse?

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