was my first husband a pedophile?

by nowisee 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Yeah I would agree with LL, and he did admit attraction to the girls. Forgive me, but I have a hard time understanding that attraction. I accept logically and cognitively it exists in some people (men and women) but I cannot conceive thinking that way. When my daughter was 9, at no point did I ever look or think of her that way. Just typing it makes me queasy.

    I once went to a seminar where the speaker put it this way: Imagine hitting your child. She very quickly and adamantly said she was not advocating or encouraging physical violence in any way, but she said "Anyone who's had children will (sooner or later) became angry enough at some little thing the child does that they can imagine striking out. The vast majority of parents do not thankfully, but still it is possible for you to conceive of it. It is possible just to think it."

    Then she said, "Now imagine looking at that same child and finding them sexually attractive. Now then, look at the tremendous gulf in behaviors." She went on to espouse her opinion that pedophilia is a form of insanity, that someone who can find a child sexually attractive is so far out of the norm, there is no reasoning with them, only containment and isolation would solve the problem.

    It is very unusual for someone to actually admit to their pedophilia desires (my father never did).

    I will also say that denial is sometimes useful in that it helps us survive through a traumatic or overwhelming experience. But it's like a narcotic, used too much or too often and it becomes addicting and we can no longer see what needs to be seen. I would suspect that your ex-husband displayed other tendencies or characteristics of pedophilia. But then 30 years ago, I doubt anyone would have recognized it for what it really was, unless one of the girls came forward.

    I hope he's been put away, as pedophiles have very little impulse control and the vast majority see nothing wrong in raping a child.

  • juni
    it makes me wonder if you can ever really know another person (statement by NowIsee)

    I can relate to your statement Now I See.

    Like it has been said, "The wife is the last person to know." When things like this happen, it's like getting punched in the stomach and at the same time your heart is ripped from your chest. Does one ever "get past it"? You'd like to think you could, but it leaves an ever present scar.


  • nowisee

    mkr -- as mentioned i don't know where he is or even if he is alive. i have googled his name out of curiosity but nothing comes up. but i am absolutely sure of what he said and i remember it clear as day -- probably bc it struck me as so odd, even somewhat humorous at the time. i think i am very sensitive about slandering him unjustly (even though no one even knows who I am). look how long it took me to even raise the question.---------------------robdar - yes, i guess he did. still hard to believe.-----------------------tex - how are you? i haven't been around much but when i think of you it is always with respect and good wishes. -- strange you should mention "form of insanity". his family also, without details, was also not "normal". also alcohol was a growing problem for him -- home from work at 3:30 or so, in bed passed out at 4:30. -- i guess i was really young and stupid (also dealing with my own personal issues). -- my strongest hope is that he never acted out with children and that somehow it was contained. -- i will never know, but all this helps me to make sense of my own life experience. thanks all.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Not too bad, thanks for asking. Coming out on the other side of a very tough year. I hope you're doing okay too.

    his family also, without details, was also not "normal". also alcohol was a growing problem for him

    That's not surprising. Very often, sexual abuse is passed down generation by generation. I know it's true in my family (on both sides). It's very difficult to break out of a very dysfunctional family. There's a theory that says there are 3 roles in an incestuous family: (1) offender; (2) victim; and (3) denier. Usually only 1 child is placed in the victim role; it is usually the best and the brightest of the bunch and they often receive the worst that the offender has to offer. Of course, as the theory goes, the child in the victim role grows up as the one most likely to break out, receive help and recover.

    It's possible that your ex was also in denial. Or he could have been acting out some of his own family issues. Hopefuly it was one or the other, rather than him being an active, predatory offender. It is interesting that he confessed these desires to you, as that is rare. But at this point it is very difficult to say much more about him.


  • nowisee

    i think when he mentioned his attraction to these 2 young girls, it was with some surprise on his part too. maybe he was just starting to form his thoughts about it. he said it smiling and laughing. are pedophiles such from the getgo (like homosexuals claim), or is it something that forms over time, gradually gaining strength as one gets older?

  • Bookey
    are pedophiles such from the getgo (like homosexuals claim), or is it something that forms over time, gradually gaining strength as one gets older?

    This is an interesting question. One that requires some thought. When I was 16 I was attracted to my girlfried who was 14. Was I a pedophile? We were both children according to the law. When we both turned 18 and 20 repectively and were still together, were we no longer pedophiles? Since someone earlier has defined pedophile as an adult that is attracted to children, then I guess for a period of 1 year and half I was, and she wasn't. However, I think most young men after puberty are attracted to girls 13/14 and up. And many women vise versa. Admitting these thoughts is difficult for many, especially patriotic people that think the laws of their society are the same way God sees things. The 18 law is really way off. This age was selected because of the Rockerfellers and the National Education System's control of wages and who goes to college and who flips burgers and keeps the rich families rich, and the poor families poor. But that's another story...

    As far as your husband goes, some things are better left alone. To go and warn others of the past is really tactless in most cases, and could cause trouble or harm to you or your current situation. I found this out the hard way testifying against someone once. Slashed tires and broken windows aren't cheap...Besides, all the warnings in the world cannot stop what someone intends to do in most cases. Case in point, if I warn my friend that Joe Schmoe is looking for him and wants to hurt him, then Bob Dobbs comes along and hurts my friend, what good have I done? What fruit have I produced in the spirit of love? What good could come of it?

    Just something to think of.

  • Bookey

    Also, all this kind of gossip really gets no where. Do you really know that all these things are true? Do you believe the other JW's that went along with this? For all you know, your husband wanted to get DF'd or didn't want to continue anymore in things. Some people, some times, admit to doing things they never have.

    It truly is a bizzare world and one that is full of many silly humans who will probably never grow out of their ape like tendencies to do anything REALLY constructive with their lives...until the Kingdom sets matters straight when it finally comes and Christ returns from Heaven to the Earth... (the JW's would have you believe this already happened)...

    The "invisible" mystery religions of the Babylonian world are so much alike... JW's don't even realize they are the biggest...

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