some pretty strange things happened approaching the end of my marriage and my exit from jws: 1) it was the time of the new elder arrangement. my husband (the ex-bethelite) was being considered for elder. one sunday after the meetings the "committee" called my husband into a meeting. he came out of it about an hour later shaken and told me they forbade him from telling me the reason for the meeting. i kept questioning him -- as something was radically wrong -- and a couple of days later he told me they accused him of improper conduct (fondling he said) towards a number of female members of the congregation, --- but he said it was all lies and they were out to get him and he didn't know why. 2) i began to rage at the committee, how dare they. and i wrote a long scathing letter to the society detailing the lies aimed at my husband and pleading for intervention. if i recall correctly we were both pioneering at the time. 3) after showing this letter to my husband he said i couldn't send it, and the accusations were true. i absolutely did not believe him, so sure was i of his innocence. he said finally, well just ask "M". i did. she confirmed that my husband had made advances toward her and she rebuffed him and said she would tell no one out of respect and love for me. 4) in shock i then put him through the 3rd degree, wanting all the information, etc. some of the women were friends, some were "new" members of the flock, i.e. women who were recipients of shepherding calls, some not even yet baptized, and there were several. for the most part they were women who were in vulnerable circumstances. it made me absolutely crazy to think that he would want to fool around with all of these women in some sort of retarded way, yet he would avoid any contact with me that could be classified as intimate and normal.. i think back now to various other red flags. he always wanted to spend time with a sister who had two younger sisters, 8 and 9 years old. he loved to be with them. they were just developing and he kept remarking about it. one day he said he was attracted to them and other young girls, in fact the younger the better. i really did not understand it at the time and just blew it off.... but now i wonder, i wonder..... i guess i will never know the real story. i was told some years ago that he had remarried and gone "back into the truth". i have not seen him nor had contact with him for 30 years, but i just wonder.....
was my first husband a pedophile?
Wow nowisee that is pretty horrific stuff. Is your question real? I only ask because you seemed to have answered the question yourself:
i think back now to various other red flags. he always wanted to spend time with a sister who had two younger sisters, 8 and 9 years old. he loved to be with them. they were just developing and he kept remarking about it. one day he said he was attracted to them and other young girls, in fact the younger the better. i really did not understand it at the time and just blew it off.... but now i wonder, i wonder..... i guess i will never know the real story.
ped·o·phile ( P ) Pronunciation Key (p
- An adult who is sexually attracted to a child or children.
I would wonder too. I also think I would try to find out where he lives now and what congregation he's in and warn the congregation about him or at least his new wife.
nowisee I think your concerns are valid. If he himself said he was attracted to young girls I'd believe him. Most deny it so when one comes along and admits it I wouldn't shake that off too easy. Now I want you to read the following very carefully The majority of people do not want to believe someone they know, someone they are about is a pedofile and sexual abuser of women. It makes us feel very insecure about ourselves that we could be involved with such a person. The need to deny the abuse and admissions is tremendous because we tend to interanlize what they have done as some reflection on who we are. It also raises questions in our minds that maybe we weren't doing something or we were doing something to cause them to focus their attention alsewhere. It can make us feel inadequate. All of that is NORMAL. But you did nothing to cause his aberrant interests. And it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you for defending him.
biker -- i really don't know. i just wonder. things between us were definitely not "normal" -- ever. with all of the revelations of the last few years about coverups in the wts it has definitely raised the question. as for alerting people about him, i have no clue where he is (just the last state he was reportedly in) and really i think too much time has passed for my input to be relevant. but sometimes i look back and i know there were missing pieces to the puzzle. and i always wonder what were the things i didn't know. lee - i thought you might answer. i thought you might give me more analysis. your answer surprised me. best wishes, nowisee p.s. since new computer i can't seem to form paragraphs!
i thought you might give me more analysis. your answer surprised me.
more analysis on him? He admitted it. It isn't the kind of thing a person admits to unless it is true. I would actually suspect his attraction went further than thinking about it.
As for his relationship with you - I might suspect illicit sexual activity was more enticing to him than the legal/spiritual relationship he had with you.
My answer surprised you hmmmmm not sure if that is good or not - just something I thought needed saying
lee, now i am laughing after reading your entire answer (if laughing is possible when dealing with such a serious subject). at first the only answer that came thru under your name was "no". computer acting strangely. thanks. actually, in hindsight and after so much time has passed and given me different perspective, i actually could believe that he was dealing with problems of perversion. then i don't think there was any room in my thinking of such a possibility. i don't even know if i realized that such a possibility existed. i was so young and naive.
ah yes the wisdom of getting older and wiser
My post was submitted before I finished typing. I had to edit to give you my real answer
i guess i felt compelled to ask the question here because i never really have asked anyone. maybe i wanted to have my suspicions validated by those who could look at it objectively. it makes me wonder if you can ever really know another person. my first husband, by all appearances to those outside (until that fateful day) was that he was totally together, teacher, mature, theocratic, loving, etc. etc. he had his groupies at the kh, i.e. people loved his public talks and attendance at them was always overflowing. the outcome of everything, was shocking to all. people are easily fooled or maybe they just believe what they want to believe. i was married to "the stranger".
I would advise you to be careful about "alerting" anyone though! What if he sues you? Maybe an anonymous letter!?
Plus I dunno this is just from a guys point of view you seem a bit uptight about this! Are you 100% sure he said and did what you "remember" him doing? I mean this was 30 YEARS ago???
he loved to be with them. they were just developing and he kept remarking about it. one day he said he was attracted to them and other young girls, in fact the younger the better.
You have your answer. He told you himself.