After being a JW, do you experience panic when someone expresses disapproval

by Elsewhere 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    Having grown up in the WTS I was always taught that there are very serious consequences that result when those in authority do not approve of you.

    Q: What happens when you break a WT rule?
    A: Very quick and brutal punishment in the form of shunning and ostracism

    There is no middle ground... you either get no punishment or extremely severe punishment.

    Having grown up knowing only those two possible outcomes I find that I tend to become panicked when friends or authority figures express disapproval. It's as if I unconsciously expect the worst possible outcome for the slightest offence.

    Am I the only one here who experiences this?

  • OpenFireGlass
    I tend to become panicked when friends or authority figures express disapproval.

    I don't believe I become panicked... Defensive, YES.. but only among friends and aquattinces(sp?), but not authority figures...

  • OpenFireGlass

    I guess I associate authority figures as having control issues in the first place... (my experience/opinion)

  • misspeaches

    In my personal experience, when someone expresses disapproval I take it very hard. I stress a lot, I break down and cry and my world seems to just stop whilst this one issue is at the forefront of my mind.

    A short story...

    A previous employer was unhappy with the way I had actioned a certain task. Much to her shock I just went to pieces and couldn't cope with the criticsm at all. She was quite literally astonished at my lack of coping mechanisms. Some months later she found out that I had grown up as a JW. She took me aside and said she now understood why I reacted the way I did. Apparantly she has had previous encounters with exJWs and had similar issues. She ended up being a good support person for me.

    These days I do handle things a bit better but I theres lots of room for improvement.

  • wednesday

    yes in the job reviews, I feel like i'm sitting in a jc meeting. it is agonizing.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    I experience panic whenever I get disapproval. Period. Full stop. Got nothing to do with that sect though.

  • Satanus

    For me, it's employers. I have several for whom i do a lot of work. When one of them criticises, sometimes it feels like the end of the world.


  • LyinEyes

    Yes I do. I often go over my last conversations with someone , wondering if I said something wrong, are they mad at me. I am learning to not be this way, but it takes time. I am learning to trust myself and to be able to express myself , even if it may not be what the other person wants to hear.

  • Sparkplug
    I stress a lot.......................................and my world seems to just stop whilst this one issue is at the forefront of my mind.

    I relate to this. Not sure if it is the JW thing, my gamily background, or just my personality. For a long time I could not talk to Doctors, teachers, bosses, or most any authourity figure. I would panic and my tum' would be in knots. I would cry and cry just sitting in a docs office. Now I tend to wish and wash over being totally unaware of the position people hold and tend to get into trouble for being unaware and not acting as society would deem when in such a position, or........I can still panic.

  • free2beme

    I will give you an example of how I have grown.

    At my work, I deal with all my calls being listened to and recorded. Because of this, you have a record of EVERYTHING! Well about six months ago, one of the people listening to my calls claimed I said and did something wrong. They confronted me with my supervisor, and I found myself being very prepared and strong. I demanded that I be allowed to listen to the recording, even if I was suppose to respect their authority. They protested, and then decided it would be okay. Once we did, we found I was being completely lied about. The other supervisor tried to spin it to sound like they were mistaken and thought I said something and my supervisor asked me to drop it. I did the opposite and escalated the incident to the next level and then the next and so on, until I got to someone who was higher then even the district western United States regions supervisor, not giving a crap what anyone thought and not playing any games. They had two people fly 2000 miles to my location to investigate and interview all sides, they ended up firing the person who accused me and changed policy on how things are handled. That person who was fired, HATES me (was a $150,000 per year job for her), more then life itself. Oh well, I should not have lied. Anyway, I mention this as it helped me to realize how much I do not trust or respect any authority and never get intimidated, especially when I know I am right.

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