I Can't Do Any More - Can You?

by Joe Grundy 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • lovelylil


    Your concern for that family really touched my heart. You are a very loving and caring spirit! (((Hugs))).

    We need more people like you in this world. Lilly

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    Here is a thought. Try to help via a different route. Perhaps bringing a meal by when dad is home. That way he is privy to the visit and it helps the whole family.

    Bring your children over to meet them on the premise that you are proud of them. They will see that you are a parent who loves his family. This will impress both parents.

    A gift certificate at a local grocery store as a congratulations expression for the new baby en route.

    I could go on forever but you get the idea. They need to trust you as a person, a worldly person and as an adult male. The fact that english is not their first language will perhaps make them even more insecure.

    It will take time but be patient the results might be worth it.


  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    All of you'

    Thanks for your comments. In JW terms, I am sure that I am 'worldly' and 'satanic'. I'm probably that in the terms of other Christian religions, too.

    My view is this: there are lots of people on earth that need a helping hand. I have been so very lucky in life, and I can now afford to live (thanks to my pension) where I choose, and do what I want.

    This particular family, for several reasons, is close to my heart.

    I am looking at VSO, etc., at the moment - perhaps if I was helping people who were struggling to get enough to eat, then what they believed (WTBTS or any other lies) would be secondary.

  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    Thanks, Cabin, for your comments and suggestions.

    This goes back (aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!) to the fact that I can't identify where I am.

    BUT: I have introduced my kids to them when my kids were visiting me. I have taken this family out for a meal at a restaurant they woulld never go to 'cos of the cost. I found out that the wife was going 'out in service' just with her kids - I bought her a cellphone and lots of credit 'just in case'.

    I have found out that she is at least a 2 generation JW. He is a convert, and family religion here is a BIG thing.

    Both are lovely people.

  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    Sorry to keep bumping my own thread, but I really would welcome PMs from people who know about all this crap - then I could identify the area I'm talking about and it might make more sense!

  • dido

    I can`t understand why you are you want to get so involved with this family, and it isn`t normal for a man your age to want to `take kids to school` etc. If you haven`t been a witness, why are you so bothered about the religion? I can understand people that have been involved wanting to help their own family`s of friends, but this seems abnormal to me, sorry.

  • Steve Lowry
    Steve Lowry

    Find another hobby.

  • Gill

    Hi Joe!

    It's a bit of a pain in the ass trying to help JWs, isn't it. Infact, apart from being kind and friendly and proving that we non JWs are not Satan incarnate by our actions, there's very little you can do. They have to escape on their own, because they WANT to.

    Think of it like this, (which is how the WTBTS keeps its prisoners), it tells them that they're special and chosen by the Great Jehovah God out of all the peoples around them to be his own 'special people' and to serve him (really the WTBTS) to sell his WTBTS books and make more converts. They are so special, that unlike other people, they only have to cry out 'Jehovah' and he will help them, and also THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE FOREVER IN PARADISE ON EARTH with their children and family....on the proviso they go to ALL the meetings , put in lots of hours in Field Service (also known as selling books and making converts).

    And what has little old Joe got to offer? A shepherds pie and an offer to watch the kids!

    Joe!!!! The WTBTS has got you beat! Accept it and smile politely like a lot of us do.

    However!!!!! And this is a BIG however....'your family' has got one BIG problem ......3 kids under 6!!!!! Now that is one BIG distraction. It was having four kids under six that started my husband waking up to what the WTBTS really was. It then took another seven or so years for me to come round........

    'Your family' is going to be so bogged down in nappies, sick children, etc that they will NOT be able to keep up with the WTBTs regime that keeps its members under thought control......they may wriggle free on their own.....but in time.

    I also believe, that many JW women who have several children close together do so, because subconsciously they do NOT WANT the pressure from other JWs to pioneer, put more time in FS etc. Subconciously they already know that it's bull shit!

    When I first started to break free, nearly 5 years ago, I would sit crying in the counsellors office about how my family would never speak to me again if I left JW land. For a year I was a wreck weeping for them all. I faded and left JW land. Only my parents and sister now speak to me, the rest just ignore my family and my self.....and you know what?! I really couldn't give tuppence!

    Bide your time Joe. Just be pleasant and helpful...but you CANNOT WAKE A JW UP FROM HIS/HER SLUMBER ! They have to do it themselves.

    Sorry Joe. But you'll see the difference in them when this other child has arrived.

    One baby is hard work. Two babies is ten times more work. Three children under 6......trying to be a 'good little JW'.....I'd rather go boil my head!!!

    This may help begin shaking them free....but it still takes a lot of time.

    Be patient and good luck!

  • bavman


    I know it is frustrating but please don't dispair. Just "be there" for the kid's especially. I was raised a witness boy but I remember at least one "worldly" neighbor in particular who would always spend time talking with me, playing basketball with me and inviting me to play softball with he and his wife and friends. He would ask me if I 'really liked being a witness' and I would lie and say 'yes' out of fearful respect for my parents. My point is just be friendly and be you. You never know what kind of good impression you might make on the kids. I remember fondly my neighbor and it helped me see "worldly" people are "good". Keep up the good work!

  • jgnat

    I feel your pain, Joe Grundy. I'd gotten to know a few studies before they got baptized in my husband's congregation. One of them was a burnt-out stock broker. He was the congregation's darling because he was intelligent, educated, formerly wealthy, and he PICKED the JW's. I'd drop a discreet word here or there, "You seem like an intelligent person, who knows their own mind." But he got baptized anyways.

    The young man swore he was cured, but I think he just buried himself in deeper by getting involved with the Witnesses. It was very painful to watch.

    Joe Grundy, children are amazingly resilient. Look at Lady Lee and Blondie. These naturally beautiful women, all they needed in their poor childhoods is ONE MODEL of how good it MIGHT BE. I agree with others, just be yourself. Your example will speak volumes. If you panic and try and force a greater involvement, it will just come off as creepy.

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