This is my first post and it is extremely difficult, but where else can I go? I'm sure not going to join another religion and most of you have been where I have. Just for the record, I was a drunk, drug addict and dabbler in spiritism when I began studying, which also makes it difficult, because the J.W.'s saved my life.
Anyway, I was baptized at Dodger Stadium in the early 1980's. I was appointed M.S. about a year later. I stepped down about 4-5 years later because one of my addictions came back. I felt so guilty that even today, over 20 years later, no one knows about this, until now. I made the excuse that family responsibilities were overwhelming me, which they were, anyway. I was also tired. Meetings, conventions,assemblies, studying for meetings, personal study, preparing parts, field service requirements of at least 1 hour over the national average. You all know what I'm talking about.
Eventually, I became inactive and then became active again, repeating this cycle a few more times. The funny thing about being inactive, is, you think "Is it me, or is it the org? Why can't I live up to the requirements? Everyone else seems to be doing it". The point is, I am inactive now for about 4 years, but who knows. I didn't mark it on the calender. I can remember 2 visits from the elders and c.o. in my life.
How did I get to this point? I woke up one day, not that long ago, and realized I have just lost over 20 years of my life, waiting for something that is probably not going to come in my lifetime, but I was told that it would be coming "soon". I did not prepare for the future, which has become the present. Couldn't they have said, from the platform: "Brothers, we feel that we are living in the last days. We are not sure how long this time period is going to be, so you need to live your life in such a way, that if you should get old and die in this system, you will have made the appropriate plans for the future. This system may last longer than we think, since no one knows the day or the hour."
I hope this isn't too long, but I do have more to say at another time, under another heading, or maybe just on someone else's post. Thanks for listening.