I'm at a loss at how to get thru to my parents. I fear they will die before they will stop shunning me.

by cognisonance 47 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  label licker

  I kept the info that someone posted here and it's in the elders manualHere is something the Elders won’t tell you.

  According to the Elders rule book (Shepherd the Flock of God), you cannot be disfellowshipped for associating with a disfellowshipped person as long as you are not having “spiritual association or openly criticizing the disfellowshipping decision”.

  Here is what it says in Chapter 10 of the “Shepherd the Flock of God” book:

  “If members of the congregation are known to have undue association with disfellowshipped or disassociated relatives who are not in the household, elders should counsel and reason with those members of the congregation from the Scriptures. Review with them information from the “God’s Love” book, pages 207-208; The Watchtower of April 15, 1988, pages 26-30; or the article “Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative Is Disfellowshipped” in the August 2002 Our Kingdom Ministry. If it is clear that a Christian is violating the spirit of the disfellowshipping decree in this regard and does not respond to counsel, it may be that he would not qualify for congregation privileges, which require one to be exemplary. He would not be dealt with judicially unless there is persistent spiritual association or he openly criticizes the disfellowshipping decision.” – (2010 – Shepherd the Flock of God, Chapter 10, Page 116) on page 116 of chapter 10.
• 

  cultBgone

  Wish I had answers to help.  All this proves is that the watchtower / jws should be ashamed of their horrible practices which absolutely serve to destroy families.

  The phony reinstatement idea is a bad one, imo.  You would be more intensely miserable than you are now.
  

  So sorry this is happening to you.
  
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  cognisonance

  Blonde,

  
  Yeah I realize any attempt probably won't work. Being kind and thoughtful is all I've been doing. But it just isn't enough, I fear with his advancing age and health he may not have many more years.  The last conversation I had with them (not in the supplemental links mentioned above) was me calling and telling them I had something to give them and wanted to drop it off. I bought some gifts for them out of the blue and printed and mounted a 12x18 inch photograph I recently took at a location we often had family vacations.
  
  They let me come and we talked for hours and they enjoyed their gifts. But... they thought my main reason for coming would have qualified for "necessary family business" they thought I was coming to say I was engaged or something. I'm not sure where they got this from, perhaps as a way to rationalize accepting my visit? Once they found out this was purely a friendly visit with gifts, it didn't take long for the guilt to hit them, that their technicality didn't exist and therefore out with the tears and the "We just can't keep doing this" nonsense.
  
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  cognisonance

  As regards the faux returning option, I don't feel it was a condescending suggestion. I welcome all ideas. My response was more rhetorical. That simply isn't an option for me.
  
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  blondie

  The WTS rules through fear....it gets people in with the idea of living on a paradise earth forever without sickness, war, etc., surrounded by loved ones.  Then controls them by various ways of saying they will lose that hope, ways interpreted in detail (see elders book) in ways the Bible never comments on.

  Find a healing place and positive people.  I know what it is like to be held away by those you thought cared about you.  I go to a good therapist (someone to share with and to validate my feelings) and have reached out to new people.

  Part of the reason may be you are too busy to do this so far but keep it a goal.

  Blondie 
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  cognisonance

  I didn't know about that elder's manual. My dad does follow technicalities, even if he doesn't think he does. So it would seem likely that trying to have a logical discussion about his behavior towards me might backfire then.
  

  By the way, a few days ago I emailed my mom and invited her out to lunch since she works close by to me. I tell her I love her and was thinking about her. That as I get older I long for getting to know my parents better. I tell her I have no idea what is going on in her life right now. What has she done? Seen? Learned? Been? Thinking? How is her health? etc. I tell her that I'm extending an open invitation to her and will always be there for her if she wants to talk. So far no response. It's also why I want to reach out to my dad. Before, I reached out to both of them at the same time (visiting unannounced). But I thought about approaching them separately.

  My other idea is to just keep showing up unannounced every 3 months or so. But I would suspect they would stop opening the door to me if I keep that up. Visiting once every 9-12 months seems just enough that they wonder if it's some "urgent" reason I'm visiting them.
  
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  The Searcher

  Could you try appealing to your mum & dad by using Scriptural reasoning, as opposed to trying to revile their beloved Org's rules?

  
  What about this;

  "Mom, Dad, the two greatest examples whom we should try to imitate are surely Jehovah and Christ Jesus. How did Jehovah treat His first spiritual son (Satan) when he fell away? Did He shun Satan? No, because Job chapters 1 & 2 tell us that Jehovah had conversations with him. Likewise, Jesus conversed with his spiritual brother Satan when he was tempted in the wilderness. Jesuas conversed with fallen-away demons as well. Also, when we read the Gospel accounts, we see that Jesus frequently instigated conversations with the Pharisees and Sadducees, people whom he described as sons of the Devil!! When Jesus spoke about someone who commits a serious sin - at Matthew 18:17 - he said they were to be treated as a man of the nations or a tax collector. He didn't say the person was to be shunned. Do either of you shun men of the nations or "tax collector" types? If you did, you couldn't carry out your ministry, could you? So why treat me any differently when Jesus never said anything about shunning"?

  Some Biblical reality may help them see the warped teachings of their "mother"!
  
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  cognisonance

  Find a healing place and positive people.  I know what it is like to be held away by those you thought cared about you.  I go to a good therapist (someone to share with and to validate my feelings) and have reached out to new people.

  Part of the reason may be you are too busy to do this so far but keep it a goal.

  Blonde,

  
  Thanks for responding to my thread. I've enjoyed your posted on this forum. As regards healing. I'm doing quite well. I've been out of this religion for 3 years now (or something like that, seems forever now). I saw a psychologist for over a year to help me thru this (and a divorce).
  
  I have made new close friends and "family" if you will. My life has moved on in many ways. University and Research is a recent endeavor for me. I was much less busy my first couple years out of the cult.

  I also have family, mostly on my dad's side that are not part of the religion. Still, I nonetheless still care for my parents. I know they care about me. They are just held captive by the cult. I can see every time we have the chance to talk the positive feelings they have outweigh any fear or guilt (though fear no doubt prevent many opportunities for them to talk to me). It is, in part, for this reason that I keep trying and will not let go of them.
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  ctrwtf

  The construct of the doctrine of DF'ng sees it as a forgone fact that shunning will bring the person "to their senses."

  What if, however, the person will never be brought back?  Then continued shunning is logically an effort in futility.

  Maybe this appeal to logic will help in your parents case.  What your father has to overcome though is the very real possibility that he will at the least lose his position within the cong. and quite possibly be DF'd himself if he refuses to shun you.

  Loving Christianity at it's best indeed.
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  ToesUp

  cognisonance

  You seem like a very loving person. Don't allow your parents crazy religion to ruin that. Always show your parents the love they deserve. When you no longer have your parents, you will have zero regrets on how you treated them (with love & kindness). Keep us posted.