So much for the slow road...

mavie

I could tell that my wife was having trouble over the past few days dealing after we talked about some of my doubts. Well, I found out that she has been telling some of her close friends about the situation and is really scared and feeling insecure. I totally understand that. I don't want to lose her and I expressed that. I love her unconditionally.

Anyways, we talked about some of the issues I have and she listened and tryed to reason with me. In the end though, it all boiled down to this.

"I know the WT is God's Organization, so I can look past all these imperfections."

Praying to Jehovah as a suicidal teenager probably saved her life at that time. She also claims to have seen Jehovah in action throughout her life. As a result of her past experience, she can look past any imperfection or seeming contradiction.

I am meeting with the CO this coming weekend with my wife and 2 other elders. I might bring up some of these issues then. We will see.

Dismembered

Greetings Mavie

Wow! Sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

Dismembered

freedomlover

this was pretty much my exact reaction to the first conversation I ever had with my husband. (I was rationalizing this way even after I had already found info. that 607 was not the date for Jerusalems fall.) He told me that the WTS had been saying that the end would come in 1914, 1925, 1975 etc. I said "no, they didn't say that - it was what some people thought they were saying." He left a folder for me the next day to look through - ON MY OWN, WITHOUT HIM AROUND- and all it was were articles from the turn of the century and Russell's own words about how the end was coming in 1914. They can't be wrong because these are god's words, etc. (I'm paraphrasing here of course) Those articles were shockers to me. There was an article from 1969 that said the end will be here in a few years due to reliable bible prophecy.

I was not willing to look at anything outside of the society's literature at first, so you may have to use there own words against them to make some headway with your wife. Try not to sweat it too much. I did the same thing, confide in a friend, and she later threatened to "turn me in" when I tried to share my doubts with her. I too thought I had personally seen Jehovah's hand in my life and I thought it was Jehovah that got me through the abuse I suffered as a kid in an abusive home. Give your wife time to digest this. Hug her all the time, tell her you aren't going anywhere. Keep being open and just love her. If you need copies of the articles I was talking about let me know. I can help you get those. Let us know how your conversation with the CO goes. I did the same thing when I was having doubts and I'm interested to see how your conversation goes compared with mine.

-great job, BTW. I totally understand how hard it is to not just scream out what you are feeling.

AK - Jeff

Yep - when one starts to see thru the fog it is often that he finds himself on a racetrack, not a jogging trail.

FL hit it on the head I think - let your wife know that your love for her is not attached to what see does or does not believe or accept. Then let her know that you also must act based on conscience. Carefully avoid stirring her paranoia. And be especially careful with the CO. They don't want to help you, they want to keep you in line.

I know that in the case of ITIS and FL [now both successfully out as she indicated in her post] that she made the decision based on some things he convieniently left about the house. You might do the same. Curiousity is powerful. Let her see you put a file in a drawer, then leave the house to go somewhere. My bet is that she will open that drawer. As FL indicated the most powerful indictments come directly from the organization's own words.

Good luck. Hopefully soon she will be attributing her escape from a controlling cult to the blessing of Jehovah too.

Jeff

JamesThomas

Good luck to you, mavie.

I suggest, if at all possible, that you and your dear wife spend as much quiet time together out in nature as possible. Do not carry your troubles with you, but rather be very present with the ever-fresh vibrancy and beauty of life in and around you. Notice the great great difference between the trials and tribulations of the mind's thoughts and beliefs, compared with the actual reality and presence of just being. Give the raw present moment of existence, unhindered and clouded by thought, a paramount position in your lives. The suffering will lessen, and the peace increase.

In other words, do not allow the "life story" to become so all encompassing that there becomes only story, and no life.

j

mavie

Thanks for the support.

My wife grew up in a religiously divided household, she knows what it is like and is fearful of it happening again. I'm making an extra special effort to make sure she *knows* and *feels* that I love her no matter what. Sometimes people get lazy with this part of a relationship, I don't want that to happen.

I'm going to try and let things rest for a while. I don't know how successful this will be. But I know that I don't want to go down in a blaze of glory for my own personal well being. I want to always be open, respectful, and let logic and reason rule my decisions. It's very hard to do this when emotions are involved, and I will have to bend and submit to her feelings if I want a relationship. That's ok, that is what marriage is about.

I think starting a Bible study with her might be a good way of strengthing our relationship. I would love to simply study the Bible on its own. Maybe simple Bible reading?

JamesThomas

I would love to simply study the Bible on its own. Maybe simple Bible reading?

Yes, by all means, ignore REALITY, and plant your face in a goat-herders storybook. That ought to fix everything sure enough.

For christ sakes man, stop shrinking divine significance to ink on paper! Get out of your mind and it's beliefs, and get into the present moment of life and existence. Stop allowing ancient-mind-numbing-tribal-religion to reduce what is holy to something tiny and far away, and too limited to be present. You want to read something, read yourself and learn what it is to be present with LIFE. Find the living wisdom within your own sense of existence which can never be reduced or captured by words in a book. Discover what you really are.

j

mavie

J,

I appreciate what you are saying, however my wife is not ready to hear what you mention. Right now I need to assure her of what I feel inside, that I never want to be without her. She is scared and insecure, with good reason! If I push too hard, I will push her away.

TheListener

Mavie,

You have a pm.

freedomlover

Mavie - JT means well, but I do agree that your wife may not be there yet. I do think that just reading the bible together is a great idea. In the beginning I started reading the gospels in different translations and it was like reading the bible for the first time! It opened my eyes to the REAL idea of Xianity, and it wasn't what I was seeing in the org.

I will get that info. together for you. I will send it from my hubby's PM address since I can't send PM's through JWD because I'm on a MAC.

So much for the slow road...

Share this