Need to vent

by caligirl 7 Replies latest social family

  • caligirl
    caligirl

    I am so pissed at the family court system. Did you know that there is a state which shall remain nameless at this point that by law requires child support to continue to the age of 21, or as long as the "child' is attending school (and they have to attend only part time, which at community college is usually 2 classes or about 6 credits) It is bad enough that the majority of teenagers today have an "entitlement mentality", but now there is a law that backs them up!!!

    Kids don't even have to say thank you because they are "entitled" by the nature of the socialist crappy laws to do it!! It is their RIGHT to collect a free ride! By the way, kids of in tact families do not have the right to garnish their parents pay check for college money. They are S.O.O.L and have to do it the old fashioned way, either apply for loans or hope Mom & Dad pony up as a gift. My 2 children will not have the right to force me to pay for their college. They will likely get it as a gift, but they won't be able to use the court. The law in the state that my oldest childs support case resides forbids forcing parents to pay for college- it must be by mutual agreement and any amount given is after the child applies for any grants, loans or scholarships. My youngest will have an intact family come hell or high water. It is hugely unconstitutional to afford one class of people (children of divorce) the right to force their parents to pay for school when other children are not extended that right. And of course the child is not required to continue visitation, oh no, that would trample on their personal rights!!

    Anything done for a child after the age of 18 should be completely voluntary, not forced by the court system.

    Add the witness crap to the mix and I am hopping boiling mad. Not only are we being sued for a hugely disproportionate amount of money in comparison to the cost of the community college that the now adult child in question has alleged plans to attend (which we had already said we would voluntarily pay the cost of 100%) but he is going for a certificate program, not a diploma that will actually be useful, but a 2 year certificate!! To go with the huge attorney bill and the cost of traveling to argue this in court, we have the added blessing of being shunned now that the little pioneer angel is of the age of majority and has a responsibility to reject us! I find myself hoping that he gets accepted to bethel when he is 19 just so the support will end. If he is not talking to us anyways, why should he have the right to a huge chunk of his father's paycheck for the next 3 years?

    All I want to know is when does the karma come back to bite the ex wife? Why does it seem that she can dish out bucket load after bucket load of crap and in return, she goes on all kinds of vacations, works a 40 hour work week while my husband works 2 jobs and 90 hours a week?? When is all that she dished out going to come back to her?? Why am I the one not sleeping? Why are we being rejected when she is the the wrist slashing psychotic mental case (bi-polar, BPD, OCD, you name it, she's got it? Why does going to the meetings qualify her for sainthood? We bent over backwards, financially and otherwise to give that child everything we possibly could, even when we couldn't afford it and now the most vile letters are being signed by both of them, claiming all kinds of crap and demanding his due as "first born" in the form of a large life insurance policy . Why does this stuff happen?

  • lovelylil
    lovelylil

    I can understand your frustration. I never heard of child support until age 21. Because I came from a poor family, I had to pay for school myself. I took out a loan at age 18 to go to business school and got an office job after graduation. I then worked for the company for a year before I could apply for tuition assistance program. Once I did this, I worked at the company for another five years until I got my degree. I went to college totally free but had a loan to pay back for business school which took me about 3 years to pay. I am so glad I had to do it this way because I learned to persevere, work hard, and make a life for myself.

    I agree that many kids today have a total sense of entitlement. I see it sometimes with my young ones ages 11 and 13. They have never struggled for anything. But my hubby (who also had to work his way up by his own boot straps), make them both work for their allowance instead of just handing it over. They don't like it but too bad.

    Also, we already decided to pay for only 1/2 their college and have them pay 1/2. I don't see why we should pay for all of it when they are capable of contributing and I think It teaches them that life is not a free ride.

    Anyway, my sympathy is with you. My brother pays over $1,000 per month in child support and is living paycheck to paycheck. Some states are really tough. I know the kids need it but lets be reasonable.

  • rwagoner
    rwagoner

    (((((( cali ))))))

    Sorry to hear but always happy to listen....

    Keeping you and yours in my thoughts.

    RGW

  • caligirl
    caligirl

    Thanks lovely and rw for your replies. I appreciate the kind thoughts. Hopefully after the end of the month, this will all be behind us and we can get on with our lives. It feels like we are in limbo.

  • caligirl
  • truth.ceeker
    truth.ceeker

    I can relate from a child perspective. When I was younger, I remember my father having to pay child support and braces for a son from another marriage. While I, needing braces badly, did not get them since we didn't have the money. Needless to say, I grew up and forgot about it and got braces later on during my early adult years, using the insurance of my company to help pay for it. It was a bit sad though. I do remember saying that I did end up with my father and him being a good one and teaching us kids well.

    ..my past experience..
    truth.ceeker

  • Fleur
    Fleur
    If he is not talking to us anyways, why should he have the right to a huge chunk of his father's paycheck for the next 3 years?

    I hope this doesn't offend you but..I feel he is entitled because he is his father's son. Period, end of sentence.

    When you have children, they are your responsibility, whether the relationship they are born into works out or not. If the law in that state says till 21, I can't imagine this is new or it would not effect an older case, right? I mean, you had to know this going into the relationship that the man had to pay child support? If you knew that than on what grounds can you gripe about it now? Seems kind of cold to me to complain about it now if you knew it was in place when you got involved with him.

    I see the way that my daughter's step mother looks at me and I imagine, from the way she behaves at times, that she resents his paying child support too. But you know what? that's too bad. His kid, he pays a fraction of what it costs to support this child. A fraction. My husband, who is the step father, is the one REALLY supporting the child. But he doesn't complain. He knew that we would be a family when he married me.

    This is just my 2 cents from the other side of a support case...I will probably regret posting this.

    Did you ever also think that fighting the support may very well reinforce this kids negative view of you? I mean, it plays into the whole JW thing, don't you think? Seems to me that they'd use it to their advantage. If the kid gets into college, he might be able to break the brainwashing. Isn't that worth some money, for the chance at his freedom? Sounds to me like he's a typical dub kid, and he's probably conflicted more than you realize. I don't know him though so I prolly shouldn't speculate, it just sounds like you're more worried about the money than the kid from your post.

    essie

  • lisavegas420
    lisavegas420
    the most vile letters are being signed by both of them, claiming all kinds of crap and demanding his due as "first born" in the form of a large life insurance policy .

    What the hell is that all about? A life insurance policy? Why does he think he deserves a life insurance policy? For that matter...why's he getting a education? He need to just wait on jehovah..little brat.

    lisa

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