I used to have discussions with my mother about the WTS' beliefs. After 20 years she could not explain some of the most basic teachings. Even if she did research she would not have been able to explain even one doctrine. But then neither could I!
My mother put that down to her poor education (Grade 8 level) I put it down to my being just plain dumb and not graduating from high school (Grade 10).
My ex-husband was pretty good at it and people often looked to him to explain. I doubt any of them ever got it and were probably too ashamed to admit it so walked away nodding their heads.
But as we here now know, most of their doctrines can't be explained.
I had been told all my life I was "stupid and will never amount to anything". Being a JW just reinforced that belief.
After I left the WTS, I took a couple of college course (psychology andsociology). I was shocked when I passed them so enrolled full-time. I was in a professional 3 year program. and taking up to 11 coures per semester. For 5 of the 6 semesters I was on the honor role. I graduated with honors - 3rd in the class.
Going from being called "dumb" to honors, burst the dummy bubble real fast. 17 years of life as a JW and several years as an elder's wife and still could not explain 1 belief but I could graduate with honors!
I know I used to remember reading something in a mag and then going off to hunt for it. My memory for certain things is photographic. IIn my head I can see the quote and where it is on the page. It isn't a great photographic memory - probably more selective. I can do this also with things people have told me - almost word for word.
Looking through the bound volumes most ofter left me thinking I was dumb because I "must have remembered it wrong" Little did I know then that the bound volumes were not an exact copy of the original magazines. They had been edited to remove changes made from the time of the magazine and when the bound volume came out.
If I hadn't gone back to school I would have continued to think I was stupid and a lost cause. I would have continued to think I was wrong for leaving the WTS. I might have gone back thinking the end might come and I'd be on the wrong side.
Another piece of this included several discussions I had with my mother about not being able to feel connected to Jehovah. We pioneered, answered at meetings, prepared for all the meetings, did everything we were supposed to but just could not feel connected. We both put that down to the abuses in our childhoods. (If you think mine was bad, I have to acknowledge hers was worse)
But we both believed the problem was within us and certainly never considered the possibility that the problem was the WTS.
Did this affect you?