I must be dumb because...

by Lady Lee 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I used to have discussions with my mother about the WTS' beliefs. After 20 years she could not explain some of the most basic teachings. Even if she did research she would not have been able to explain even one doctrine. But then neither could I!

    My mother put that down to her poor education (Grade 8 level) I put it down to my being just plain dumb and not graduating from high school (Grade 10).

    My ex-husband was pretty good at it and people often looked to him to explain. I doubt any of them ever got it and were probably too ashamed to admit it so walked away nodding their heads.

    But as we here now know, most of their doctrines can't be explained.

    I had been told all my life I was "stupid and will never amount to anything". Being a JW just reinforced that belief.

    After I left the WTS, I took a couple of college course (psychology andsociology). I was shocked when I passed them so enrolled full-time. I was in a professional 3 year program. and taking up to 11 coures per semester. For 5 of the 6 semesters I was on the honor role. I graduated with honors - 3rd in the class.

    Going from being called "dumb" to honors, burst the dummy bubble real fast. 17 years of life as a JW and several years as an elder's wife and still could not explain 1 belief but I could graduate with honors!

    I know I used to remember reading something in a mag and then going off to hunt for it. My memory for certain things is photographic. IIn my head I can see the quote and where it is on the page. It isn't a great photographic memory - probably more selective. I can do this also with things people have told me - almost word for word.

    Looking through the bound volumes most ofter left me thinking I was dumb because I "must have remembered it wrong" Little did I know then that the bound volumes were not an exact copy of the original magazines. They had been edited to remove changes made from the time of the magazine and when the bound volume came out.

    If I hadn't gone back to school I would have continued to think I was stupid and a lost cause. I would have continued to think I was wrong for leaving the WTS. I might have gone back thinking the end might come and I'd be on the wrong side.

    Another piece of this included several discussions I had with my mother about not being able to feel connected to Jehovah. We pioneered, answered at meetings, prepared for all the meetings, did everything we were supposed to but just could not feel connected. We both put that down to the abuses in our childhoods. (If you think mine was bad, I have to acknowledge hers was worse)

    But we both believed the problem was within us and certainly never considered the possibility that the problem was the WTS.

    Did this affect you?

  • juni
    juni

    Good morning Lady Lee,

    Yes. I'm one of the great internalizers.

    I enjoyed reading your post. That is the past. As in my case w/my mom. She was emotionally abusive to me and then I spent from age 19 to 40 in the JW org. I'm so glad that I'm out and moving onward.

    When you're out and do normal things like further your education or volunteer w/"worldly people" (how awful!) for a good cause it's like a breath of fresh air.

    You find out what you're made of and your confidence soars. That's what happens when you leave the "darkness" of a controlling religion.

    Best to you and enjoy the rest of the weekend.

    Juni

  • MidwichCuckoo
    MidwichCuckoo
    After 20 years she could not explain some of the most basic teachings. Even if she did research she would not have been able to explain even one doctrine

    I am STILL waiting (one year on) for answers on basic stuff - it's learned parrot-fashion as FACT with no logic or learning to support it.

    The WTBTS is like an 'abusive husband/partner' - without IT you cannot amount to anything, but at the same time you MUST be subservient or suffer the consequences.

    Lol - NO you're far from dumb Lady Lee - your posts are valued and informative. Enjoyed. Thankyou.

  • mkr32208
    mkr32208

    Well I was one of the smart a$$es who could explain anything! So no not really! I didn't go to college though until later I didn't really do anything because the end was coming. *sigh* We were all affected just in different ways...

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    Because I made good grades in school, I knew I was fairly intelligent. I could parrot the WTS explanation of doctrine and scripture. However, when I came across people who were knowledgeable about the Bible and could argue the points I made using other scripture, I couldn't refute their arguments. When I tried to put the WTS' explanations in my own words, I had a hard time. I came to the conclusion I didn't have enough faith and God didn't give me the needed Holy Spirit. I just felt inadequate.

    I went to the meeting today, and though the Public Talk was ok (plenty of references to Jesus & NO reference to the FDS!), the speaker's points about the Messianic Kingdom made no sense. These days I realize it's the "spiritual food" that's the problem, not me.

  • Highlander
    Highlander

    Lady Lee - your posts are valued and informative.

    Yep.

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    yes LL, I too was "dumb" and at the age of 10-11 thought my career was going to be sitting at home watching "soap" operas. I was going to be lucky if I took the first man who proposed .

    years later I too went to school and my father told my husband he was was surprised b/c he thought I was "dumb".

    I too seem to have that photographic memory, I have used it a lot during tests, I would visualize the page in the book kand then find the sentence I was looking for. Can't do it all the time, but sometime.

    I also never understood most of the doctrines of the WTS. Others that did (or pretended to) would try and make you appear dumb. When I asked for help form others they told me my problems was I did not have God's holy spirit or I would be able to understand those doctrines. They said no amount of studying would help without jehovah's spirit.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Well I can honestly say I know I am a lot smarter than my parents ever thought. In fact I think one reason they kept putting me down was that they knew I was smart.

    But how many children experience this kind of abuse where who they are as people, their skills and abilities are dissed all the time?

    To the young child the parents know "everything". A child begins to develop his or her self esteem based on how they are treated by their parents and the messages the parents send.

    The WTS does the same thing. JWs never do enough, they're never strong enough, not putting in enough hours to "prove" their faith and obedience.

    Because I didn't get this from my parents when I was young I sought it in a "religion". But I didn't get it there either.

    One of my coping skills has been to collect information. Almost everyone who knows me, knows that if I don't have the answer to something, I know where and how to get it. But this wound up being another trap. My life was fiulled with answers for everyone else and never answers for myself. I've had to work hard at changing that. Getting rid of 2/3 of my books has been really hard. (only have about 300 of them now).

    It was also a trap in that people always came to me for information. Sisters would call and ask how to sew something or how to cook something. But I never called anyone for information. I have always been the one to go out and find my own info. And when I finally did start asking for help everyone turned and walked away. That's how I found who my true friends were and none of them were JWs.

  • Highlander
    Highlander

    But how many children experience this kind of abuse where who they are as people, their skills and abilities are dissed all the time?

    This really struck a chord with me. It's one of the primary reasons I now live 2000 miles away from my 100 + J-dub relatives.

    My whole life I have felt that I was a square peg being forced into a round hole by my family/relatives that were dissing who I truly am as a person and dismissing

    my skills and abilities.

    Thanks for your posts LL, I truly enjoy them.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Thanks High

    The sad thing is that the child has no way to assess whether what the family says is true or not. We accept it because it is all we know. it isn't until much later when we have found ways to separate ourselves from the "family - whether that is the birth family or the religious family. Then we can begin to fdefine who we are apart from all the negativity.

    Sadly, some people never do this. They stay with those embedded beliefs about who they are. And they remain sad and depressed.

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