having doubts..

fairchild

I have not been on this board in a while for various reasons. The main reason being that my best friend died on March 11th, and things have been different since that day. I don't have words to describe how the void feels, so I won't even attempt. His passing away has made me think a lot. I have not gone to the meetings in well over a year now, and all of a sudden so many doubts have been popping up in my mind. Did I really do the right thing by leaving? I think I did, because I don't "love" Jehovah, and believe me, I have tried. But what if I didn't try hard enough?

I started reading the bible again, am currently working my way through 2 Samual. So far I have not seen evidence of a "loving" God. Serve me or die, that is what it comes down to. "You must love God with your whole heart". Is that a command, for crying out loud? How can someone command you to love?

But what if the bible is just another book, where does that leave us? I have a hard time accepting that a loving God would make the whole world suffer century upon century, just to vindicate his name. That is selfish, is it not? Then there is the story of how Saul consulted a medium to talk to Samuel. But the bible says that the death are conscious of nothing. Heh, according to the Saul and Samuel story, Samuel was not exactly "conscious of nothing". I am so confused. And when someone explains one thing to me in an acceptable way, I am starting to question something else.

Then there are days when I think that I should just go back to the KH and make myself believe in a paradise on earth. Does it really matter what we believe in? Does it? Wasn't life easier when we believed that all our tears would be wiped away eventually, that we would see our loved ones again and we would never be sick or grow old?

Maybe I am not thinking the right things because of the grief which has come to consume every hour of every day, but I need answers, I really do. All thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.

candidlynuts

hugs fairchild..

its normal to question things when we lose someone close to us in death.

i dont have any answers . all i can tell you is to give yourself time to grieve.. realize that your questions do not have to be answered immediately and be patient with yourself and heal.

maybe you could skip over the old testaement for now and focus on the NT , mainly Jesus's words. you might draw more comfort from that .

hugs and i'm so sorry for your loss.

What-A-Coincidence

i totally agree ...

maybe you could skip over the old testaement for now and focus on the NT , mainly Jesus's words. you might draw more comfort from that .

osmosis

The answers you seek are not necessarily in the bible. You don't have to believe the bible is legit. You don't have to believe in god.

They might be, it might be, you might. But it doesn't have to be that way.

JamesThomas

I need answers, I really do. All thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.

Dear Fairchild,

Actually, the passing of a loved one can shake us out of complacency and be an opportunity to look deeper into things.

Here is a resent thread which was similar in nature to yours.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/111476/1.ashx

j

misspeaches

Dear sweet fairchild - one of my first JWD friends...

I'm so sorry to hear of the recent loss in your life. It does make us stop and think and examine our lives.

Fairchild all I can offer is to perhaps skip to the new testamant. The teachings from Jesus in are far different to the old testamant. Perhaps you will gain some comfort from that.

As regards your feelings to returning to the kingdom hall etc, I implore you not too. Don't put yourself through such opression. I wish we lived so much closer, I would come and hang out with. We could discuss the more complex matters of life....

((((Fairchild))))

bebu

((((((Fairchild)))))))

Losing a dearly loved one definitely can rock your world. It's all you can do to hang on. I'm so very sorry about your loss.

Job needed quieter friends who could give support and listen. In grief we are forced to look at everything more deeply, and I appreciate people who speak honestly, even with great doubts.

BTW, I have never believed that the reason for allowing suffering had ultimately to do with God 'vindicating' his name. JWs turned the name of Jehovah (and related name verses) into some kind of theological caracature.

bebu

prophecor

I understand the wrestling match you're having with doubt. Everything was OK until I stepped away from Jehovah, however, once the blinders came off, I was really in trouble, then. Now, no longer can I not believe what the Church has been trying to tell me about life and the here and now, even about Jehovah's Witnesses, heaven and Hell and the like, I could no longer believe in the things I was being taught in the Hall, either.

It feels like a Pandora's Box!!! It's a difficult thing to come to grips with the fact, that we can no longer rely on all the answers, we at once thought we had. There are now even more questions that arise, and with all those queries unanswered, there seems as if there's not enough time to get all the answers I would like. Maybe all I'll receive are the ones that I'll need.

As my life is newly mapped out before me, however, when the going gets tough, I wait and I look for Grace. Grace has had a way of showing up in my life, just in the nick of time. Its a difficult thing. too, at times as I never know when Grace is gonna' run out in my life. As of yet, though, I've been incredibly fortunate. No, not just luck, as if things were happening by chance, but a state of Grace where things, inexplicably have a knack for working themselves out. God, I believe, can be found outside of the Kingdom Hall. I've found him in my neighbors, in situations and circumstances where had I been relying on my own power, I would have failed miserably.

fairchild

Thank you for that link James Thomas. I started reading one of the links within that post, and this struck me "Science can neither deny or confirm the existence or works of a creator". It kind of made me stop right there for now. Besides, I'm very tired, will read some more tomorrow.

Thanks misspeaches, I sure would welcome someone to hang out with, but I would be bad company, no fun. I live in a small community and have had much support from neighbors and friends, especially the first couple of weeks. But there isn't really anything anyone can say or do, I guess time, and only time can bring some relief, I just don't know how much time is needed. Due to the frozen earth, he could not be buried after he died. Now we had a sudden thaw and things have warmed up nicely. We are scheduled to bury him this coming Friday, much sooner than expected. I am hoping to somehow get some kind of closure after the burial. His body will be put to rest at the Fairchild cemetary, which is less than a mile down the road from here.

Thank you candilynuts, and w-a-c, I prolly will take your advice and do some reading in the NT. I recently bought a different bible the NIV.

osmosis, it is true that I don't have to believe in god, but somehow it feels easier to believe. If there is no god at all, then we really are done when we die, and I don't know if I could handle such thought.

hi bebu, long time no see. Yes, it can rock one's world indeed. It's been many years since I had to deal with such a loss, and I have not been myself at all, I don't think that I am handling things all that well.

I have never believed that the reason for allowing suffering had ultimately to do with God 'vindicating' his name

What do you think the reason is?

fairchild

It feels like a Pandora's Box

It sure does!

As for grace, I think the opposite happened here. Not many good things have come my way since I left the WTS. However, I do consider this to be a coincidence.

having doubts..

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