Witness Mom: "Honey, today is a milestone in your life! Let's celebrate it!"
Witness kid : "What?!? You mean we can celebrate my birthday???
Witness Dad: "Gracious, no! Your mom and I are talking about celebrating the anniversary of your existence as pertains to your becoming a future publisher in the Kingdom Hall."
Witness kid: "Oh, I see; so the focus of the celebration is shifted from honoring ME to that of being joyful about the work I'll do door to door!"
Nearby Elder: "That's right Timmy. As a lifetime slave and obedient youth your personal value is only as worthy as your last service to Jehovah's organization. You as a human are born deserving of everlasting destruction and cannot be celebrated. Consequently, the merits of Jesus' ransom sacrifice are what matters, you see!?"
Witness kid: "Um, sure. Can we have cake and ice cream?"
Witness Mom: "Oh, Timmy--that's worldy thinking!"
Witness Dad : "That's right, son. We thought we'd take a walk in the park and pass out Watchtowers to picnickers...."
Witness Mom: "..and maybe sing songs of praise to Jehovah!"
Nearby Elder: "It is vitally important for sheeplike ones to observe the harmony and unity of Jah's people and desire our arklike protective bubble of salvation that they too might share!"
Witness kid: "I never realized until now how blessed we are! The other guys at school usually get cake and ice cream and have their friends over to play video games and hang out. I'll bet there is flag saluting and internet porn involved somehow, too! Parents who aren't Jehovah's people would let them drink alcohol and have circle jerks too, I'll bet!"
Witness Dad : "Yeah!! You wouldn't believe the stuff I did on my birthday before I was baptised! There was so much unrighteous fun I often think back on it and smile.......not that it was a happy time by any means!"
Witness Mom: "Certainly, I thought I was having the time of my life back then...but...not anymore! Now that I've matured as a Christian in Jehovah's service I see that fun, enjoyment, relaxation and happy times are really part of Satan's plan to divert us from the serious preaching work we have before Jehovah destroys this wicked system."
Nearby Elder: "The brothers and sisters about thirty years ago use to get together for picnics! We had several congregations who'd play football, baseball and share meals for a really happy time! (Catching himself...) Oh! But, that could lead to negative results! There would always be a weak brother or sister who would raise questions about failed prophecy or wrong dates or something. And you know--that stumbled people! Better not to allow unsupervised enjoyment socially among brothers or sisters anymore! Asking "innocent" questions leads to thinking for yourself. And we all know Jehovah hates people who think!!"
Witness Kid: "Well, the only advantage to going on group picnics that I can see is the opportunity to meet girls--um--I mean righteous sisters of marriageable age...for...um...discussions of how best to service Jehovah in our youth!"
Nearby Elder : In my day the ONLY way to meet sisters was at picnics! The females were awfully horney back then! You could sneak off behind a tree and feel them up without anybody seeing you! (Catching himself) Oh! But, you can clearly see that would lead to unclean thoughts, heavy petting, and even fornication! So--that is why the Watchtower articles have made it clear we should avoid those situations..........sigh..."
Witness Adults : "Sigh....we only thought it was the most fun we ever had........"
Witness Kid: "I sure am glad I don't have the same opportunity for loose conduct that you older folks had. There is no real place for fun or enjoyment in Jehovah's organization today..........................sigh."
