Leaving for me was a difficult thing. I have no family in the org but I had followed counsel to not associate with "worldly ones" and had grown quite distant from my family and had only 1 friend left outside the prison walls. In addition my husband had just gotten disfellowshipped and walked out on me. I had not worked in 4 years (much of it spent pioneering) and had two very young children. I could not afford to live in our home, so I got a job,and moved to a small apartment.
I knew that leaving the org was the right thing to do ,I felt it's hypocrisy and lack of real love. But starting over from scratch, boy, that was tough. Interestingly enough I know what they say in the congregation about ones like myself, that our love of truth was not strong enough, that our roots did not go deep enough and in times of trouble we could not withstand the winds.
In reality quite the opposite is true nothing but sheer strength of will and a tremendous love of truth could get someone through times such as those. The easy way out would have been to return to my so called "friends" to decide to make this change when things were more settled but at what price? I could not continue to inflict this sham on my children for one more day.
Of course the brainwashing did take it's toll during weaker moments, after the girls went to bed I would stay up alone with nothing to do but think, and it was frightening. I worried that if I had made a mistake Jehovah would destroy my children, but then that is the fear they used to get me in. I reasoned on God's love for his children as compared to my imperfect love for mine and realized that it could not be true.
It was during this time that I got my first internet connection web TV ( I could not afford a computer). With trembling fingers and a pounding heart I typed in the search words that lead me to sites such as this. I waited for God to strike me dead, read with fear and curiosity what the so called "apostates" had to say. What I read shocked me. Hey, you were all (this is before Fred) normal
people speaking more truth than I had heard in years.
I realize this is a long post (maybe ought to have posted it in another area). But in answer to your question, no it was not easy, but having sites like this gave me the strength to continue,with what I knew was the right decision. I have not looked back and have never been happier.
I have jsut recently started to post, but I want to thank all of you for being my friends even when you didn't know I was lurking out there in cyberspace. Your courage has made the difference in my families life.
