My daughter had a word with me

by cyberdyne systems 101 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • cyberdyne systems 101
    cyberdyne systems 101

    I went to collect my two daughters last night and my eldest (8) wanted to have a private word with me.

    She took me upstairs to her room and said she didnt want me to get her Birthday presents as she would be pleasing Satan! Although a little taken aback about the fear and attitude her mother and the WTS are instilling in her, I simply asked her if it was her fault that I choose to celebrate the day of my daughters birth, like she has some control over people's gift giving? And would she go up to class mates and say dont send me an xmas card? I then said Jehovah doesn't condemn Birthdays its the WTS that does, and if she could show me in the Bible that it is forbidden i would gladly never celebrate it again.

    I dont like the fact that her mother and me have different views and it must be difficult for her to know which way to turn, but my feeling is to simply tell her the facts, not be slating the WTS but informing her of the alternatives, showing her that the Bible can say whatever the interpretor can make it say.

    CS 101

  • mentalist

    Everybody knows that if you celebrate birthdays somebody ends up with their head cut off.

  • jwfacts

    I think you are doing things the right way. Over time your daughter will start to see the distinction between the bible and the WTS. It is quite revolutionary for a child to realise that there is more than one way to view things.

  • James Free
    James Free
    I dont like the fact that her mother and me have different views and it must be difficult for her to know which way to turn

    It's going to be a difficult few years for all three of you. The mother is bringing up her daughter in the way she believes pleases God the most, however wrong it is. You want what's best for your daughter too. As for your daughter, the situation is confusing and potentially distressing.

    At such an early age, she is not ready for the complexities of doctrine. Even though you are right that Rutherford's ban on birthdays cannot really be supported by scripture it is better to compromise for the sake of your daughter.

    Explain that you love her and will still be giving her presents at that time of year, but not necessarily on the exact day. Tell her they are not birthday presents so that she can accept them without feeling torn between both parents. Explain to the mother in advance of your desire to find a mutually acceptable solution.

    When the child is older you will find she is much better able to see through the Org. and its false teachings. She will also see that you always loved her and provided gifts despite the religious obstacles.

    It's not an easy thing to do, since you are actually in the right, but the child should come first and, at that age, they are just looking for the love and approval of both parents.

  • unclebruce

    Best Wishes CS 101,

    As a father of two girls I found your post disturbing.

    best of luck, girls are a wonderful gift and you have a long road ahead .


  • Clam

    Great advice James Free. There's little that can be added to that.

    All of the Dub kids in our family get given stuff, usually cash nearish to Birthdays and Christmas. Their parents are ok about it and so are they. All seems a bit daft really.

    I think giving little gifts all year round to your loved ones (not mother-in-laws) is the best thing. I've never been entirely happy at the idea of people "expecting" gifts on specific dates, although I do! There's always plenty of opportunities to show those you love that you care about them, giving birthday prezzies is only one.

  • jgnat

    I think it is important to honor her wishes, as she took such an effort to bring it up to you. She needs to learn from you that her opinion counts. This might hurt in the short-term, as she'll make choices you don't like. But it will pay dividends years later as she develops the confidence to speak her mind to others (i.e. her mother, elders, and WTS). I'd defer to her specific wishes, but get her an unwrapped gift directly before or after her big day. Or take her out to a fancy restaurant. Something to help her feel special. You can always check annually if she still feels this way.

    I'd also give her some focused teaching on thinking critically. I've ordered this book. You might want to check it out for yourself.

    "Everyday Nonsense" PDF document on logical fallacies:

  • Mary

    If it were me, I'd be having a word with your ex-wife and tell her not to tell your daughter that celebrating a birthday is "pleasing Satan" or you'll take this matter to court and let the Judge decide if this is inflicting emotional harm on the child.

    I would explain to your daughter that if celebrating a birthday was "pleasing to Satan", then I guess Satan was very pleased when the angels and shepperds in the field celebrated the day Jesus was born. And I guess Charles Russell was very pleasing to Satan, seeing as he also celebrated birthdays.

    I'm glad you asked her to show you from the bible where it says it's wrong to celebrate birthdays. If you can plant the seed in your daughter to start thinking for herself, then chances are, as time goes by, she'll be able to see the futility of this mind-numbing cult.

  • blondie

    Many JWs accept and have accepted BD gifts from others...and said thank you. They just don't give BD presents (not openly anyway). My JW mother allowed us to accept BD and XMas gifts from non JW relatives. If your daughter accepts BD gifts from non-JW grandparents, she should accept yours or she is a hypocrite. I think you can find a kind way to help her see that.


  • James Free
    James Free
    I'd be having a word with your ex-wife and tell her not to tell your daughter that celebrating a birthday is "pleasing Satan" or you'll take this matter to court

    This has to be the worst possible advice anyone can give you. Open confrontation with the mother will be disastrous for everyone involved!!

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