I Finally Spilt it to My Mother...

by Confession 25 Replies latest social family

  • deeskis

    The ball's in their court now.

    Hope it works out well for you. just remember that your mom will be grieving the loss of her "imagined ideal" for you. It's early days, and she's going to have to work through a whole range of emotions.

    Best wishes


  • luna2

    Wow, Confession! That was very brave. You may have some rough days ahead, but at least she didn't shut you down and listened to what you had to say. I think she loves you very much. I hope ...well, I hope for a lot of things...mostly that there is no big backlash or shunning after it all sinks in with the family.


  • garybuss

    I like my sons to challenge me and my thoughts and my behaviors. If they don't challenge me, they can't move past me. They're stuck at my level. Either the son is better than the father or both are failures. I don't want to be a failure.
    The Jehovah's Witnesses try everything they can to hold their adolescent and adult children at an artificially low level and the children are taught it's wrong to challenge a parent. Actually in healthy development, it's required to challenge the parents.
    Unfortunately in the battle of the minds, Jehovah's Witnesses are unarmed. They can't defend their religion or their own behaviors because they are not defendable, so instead of a rational defence, they usually resort to an irrational offence. There's nothing more frustrating for a rational person than to try to argue with an irrational person.
    I've completely given up talking about religion or Witnessism with a believing Witness. They can't answer the first rational question or clarify even one simple point of reality.

  • candidlynuts

    the BEST thing about the whole event is that she loves you enough to LISTEN!

  • freedomlover

    I agree with candidlynuts - it's a testament to her love that she at least heard you out. she sounds like she really loves you and has respect for you. I know talking to her like that was a huge personal step for you. You must feel like a huge weight is off of you. I'm very proud of you and admire your courage.

    much respect for you - freedomlover

  • serendipity

    Hi confession. I hope this situation turns out well for of all of you.

  • Confession

    Thanks so very much for all of your well wishes and thoughtful comments. How dense am I to only now figure out that this---(((Confession)))---means hugs? LOL!

    Yes, my mother made very clear to me throughout our conversation that she loves me very much. She is a deeply loving person--especially so to her children. There is no way of telling how she will ultimately react to this news, but that is her (and eventually my entire family's) choice.

    What I told her--and what I will try to tell all of them is this:

    I refuse to believe that I am the only one in our entire family who will ever figure out that the WTS isn't what it claims to be. So if and when you find yourself wrestling with the same thing, I'll be here. I had no one to help me through this, and it was highly traumatic for me going through it alone. At least for any of you, you'll have someone to help you through it. Just call.
  • bebu

    Wow, confession, that is amazing to read!

    I'll bet you feel like a huge load is off of your shoulders. I think you did a fantastic job explaining your dilemma to her, and how you opened the door for her to consider leaving, too. If you were an elder and she respected you for that, she probably puts weight into your words even now.

    Please keep us posted about developments. I hope your family won't shun you, but might dialogue with you about these things.


  • Confession

    Gary, I really never thought about this comment of yours...

    Either the son is better than the father or both are failures.

    Excellent point. I think I'm in a similar position with my 18-year-old daughter right now. Although I've always been a bit of an armchair intellectual, as a JW I never attended college. Well you can bet my daughter is going! She's in her first year. And occasionally when in a conversation with her, she will hit me with some bit of knowledge or philosophy I've never heard before. I have to admit, in those situations, I get a twinge of jealousy. But within moments it fades warmly into a deep pride.

  • codeblue

    Very interesting conversation with your Mom. I think you did a very good job with being intellectual with your comparisons.

    Maybe deep down...she knows you are right.

    Like in my newest thread..visiting my in-laws. By all means they would be df'd for their liberalism..they are just in their mid 70's and would have NO friends if they just "quit". Instead they do their own thing and so far..........no problems for them...but what "If" they started getting ostrasized for their liberalism???

    Remains to be seen.

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