yeah i feel the same about the weight off me its that sense of relief that i no longer have to try to acheive standerds set by men, and then feel low esteem when i don't fulfill them now i can just be me doing the best i can in life
HOW MANY THOUGHT THEY WOULD SURVIVE
Hi Beez Knees, and welcome to the club.
I, too, felt much as you did. Even after finally getting inside of the organisation. Your surviving Armageddon or maybe making it into the "New System" was always so conditional. You were never given any real certainty, there were always a lot of " YOU MIGHT MAKE IT ". We had to be perfect, or as close to perfection as was humanly possible.
I knew I was never going to make it into the "New System" because I was going to fall off somewhere in my sin as I, too, was never regarded as "Good Enough" or worthy of anything good coming from Jehovah. The guilty party.
I never thought I would "make it". I remember at age of 8-11, panicking (couldn't sleep, got put on medication for pre-ulceritic stomach--the doctor asked my mother what the hell was going on) because I could not stop thinking about 1) being tortured mercilessly or having to watch my younger siblings get tortured or 2) the more likely scenario of dying forever at Jehovah's hands.
So, no I never thought I would make it. Now I know, I have only to open my eyes to realize that I'm already in Paradise.
Love and Light,
I didn't think I would survive, even when I was a "good JW" for a while.
I always knew that I wouldnt because I always did stuff behind my parents back and I was a "bad" kid, so I knew Jehovah wouldn't want me around disturbing other people, lol.
I was always thinking, "I need to study more, go out in service more, do this, do that, don't do this(and we all know what "this" means) and then maybe I'll be good enough to get through."
Looking back, I had really warped thinking back then.
I can't say because I never really believed that armageddon would come or that it would come in the way that the dubs explained. Soon I realised that the WTS was a bogus truth and that the end was not near as they claimed because they could not be used to separate the world into sheep and goat and no one else was really fit for this. Then I forgot all about armageddon.
Certain I would not. I dreamed I would but I knew I would not.
I felt that I would survive. I based that feeling, not on my own goodness or righteousness, but that the Bible was full of examples of people that had made very serious errors, and yet were forgiven by Jehovah and went on the enjoy his approval. I think of Lot, David, King Manasseh and others like that.
I felt that Jehovah want us to do the best we could but that his requirements wouldn't be so high that they couldn't be reached by about anyone who loved him and wanted to put forth the effort to acknowledge him and try to do the things pleasing to him.
I still feel the same way.
Hi beezknees. I felt exactly the same as you did, In fact I wrote almost the same words on another thread. Wow is'nt it great to now have peace of mind.