feelings on leaving

by beezknees 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • beezknees

    hi everyone,

    i'm new here glad to have found a place where people have been thru the same things, i'v been inactive 4 over a year now and after much research realise i have 2 totally break free from this organisation, i was brought up in the religion and am now 30 married to a witness (also inactive at the mo) my dad was an elder until my sister disgraced the family by leaving the jws but he still goes to meetings my mum is hit and miss but won't hav a word said against the 'truth'. So heres my probs, telling my parents ..i know i'm 30 but its kinda hard i know what i will get mislead by the devil.. apostate..condemned my kids 2 death etc..my husband isn't too keen on the research either saying its apostate material., although it has made him think. and my 2 lovely little boys age 9 and 7 what do i tell them?? They obviously belive everything i'v told them. Last but not least how did you feel when you decided to leave, i have been having really bad dreams about armageddon and the demons etc..and feelings of being panicky/fearful, part of me thinks what if i am going crazy or being mislead.. also a feeling of emptiness that everything i built my life on feels like a lie?? I know in mind though what i have to do but it would be nice to know if these feelings are 'normal' (whatever that is)

  • jwfacts

    Welcome BeezKnees, it is nice to have you on board.

    It is a really difficult time you are going through, I don't know of any easy way out of it, but being here will help you realise what you are going through is normal and that you are not alone. Towards the end of the article at http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/mindcontrol.htm it lists a number of the emotions that you will go through. I am still going through almost all of the situations described. It gets better over time. It is unbearable at first but you will get through it and be so glad that you did in the long run.

    I have family and kids, and an extended family that shuns me, as do many other people here. Many people would suggest that you try not to make too many waves, in the long run it is not worth it. Take it slowly and gently. As time goes on more JWs are leaving, and with subtle persuasion from you your husband hopefully will get their too. Do not worry about your children. Children are far more logical than adults. Mention a few things to them from time to time and they will see straight through it. Build them a good life with friends that are not in the organisation.

    When reasoned with properly children soon realise Jehovah is not going to kill all their school friends and all the children that never have seen a JW. They find it crazy that a man just started a brand new religion 130 years ago and called himself Pastor Russell, and liked crosses and pyramids. It all makes for a good bed time story to laugh about. Don't take God and the ressurection from them, just let them know that you do not believe that the old men in Brooklyn are being told things by God, if they were they would not have to change their minds all the time. Children won't give you all the standard dronelike senceless excuses that adults will. My 14 yo daughter gets very irritated when she has to listen to the things said from the platform these days.

    My suggestion with your parents is not to even go there. At older age most people do not want to give it up, and will think you are personally attacking them if you do.

  • beezknees

    HI There

    i thanks for the advice, i will look up your site, i think you are probaly right with the parents i think they just won't accept that they have spent the most of their life worshipping a religion it will just be too hard for them to accept, i'm sure i will get lots of sniping sarcastic digs about th dog returning to vomit etc.. but i think i just have to find some inner peace about it all inside, best wishes to you

  • Ellie

    Hi Beezknees, I don't envy your situation one bit, it must be very difficult for you.

    Do you need to tell your parents right now?

    Could you not just continue to fade until they ask you, maybe they already know, if its been over a year then they must have an incling.

    As foryour children, if they have been away from meetings for over a year then they have likely forgotten a lot of things, for them to be around 'worldly' children with only a small JW influence, must be helping them to adjust, maybe you could just have a casual chat with them, explain things that you don't want to go back to the kingdom hall and ask if they would like to have easter eggs this year (if your husband would be willing).

    As for how I felt on leaving, well even now I'm still quite confused, some days I even think I've made a mistake, but I like to think how much happier my children are not going to all those meetings, its nice being able to enjoy time with them without rushing back and to to the kingdom hall.

  • ozziepost

    G'day beezknees and Welcome Aboard!

    My feelings on leaving? Ain't freedom great! then my feelings turned to being thankful to God that in his goodness He got me outta there!

    Nothing worthwhile comes without a cost - just remember that. If you beileive something you should be true to yourself, not to someone else, be it parents or whatever.

    Mrs O and I did the fade, built up a new life with a new circle of friends so that when we finally lost what the borg thought was all, in fact it turned out to be much less than they fancifully imagined.

    Tragically our children were lost, for the time, to the borg, but I'm sure God has a plan for them too.

    In the meantime, Rejoice!

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    Welcome to JWD, Beezkneez! For the trauma you are going through because of leaving the WTS, try Lady Lee's "Best of......Recovery threads" (see dropdown window above)

    Here's the hyperlink: The Best of.... JanG - Recovery info http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/76182/1.ashx


  • beezknees

    cheers everyone!!

  • luna2

    Hi beezkneez! Glad you're here.

    I used to have those Armageddy dreams too...but that was because I still thought it was "God's organization" even though I'd been 4 years inactive.

    Coming to this site and reading all the information about the WTS failed prophecies (120+ years and not a single one right), the UN scandal, the pedophile-sheltering scandal, the generation change just as time was running out...and on and on, I've discovered that, not only aren't they directed by God or his Holy Spirit, if God was to come down and set things straight they'd probably be one of the first to go. If they are "The Truth", then I don't know what the definition of a lie is.

    It's lovely to be free of them.

  • ozziepost
    If they are "The Truth", then I don't know what the definition of a lie is. It's lovely to be free of them.


  • beezknees


    i guess thats true perhaps there is still 10% of me that fears i may be wrong totally leaving, i know this is just self doubt, i guess i have to learn to beleive in my own desicions as oppesed to having been told what to believe all my life, i think the more i read about the organisation the more this will go, and obviousbly its great to talk to others!

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