How Long Did it Take You

by XBEHERE 11 Replies latest jw friends


    I just looked at my avatar after I made my 500th post here and realized that I have officially signed up on this forum 3 1/2 yrs ago but was lurking for several months prior to that. Now 500 posts isnt that much for over 3 yrs and I am still a JW in "good" standing while so many of you have come here, left, and moved on already. So how long did it take you to leave after coming here? I'm not asking if coming here was your turning point because for many this forum is just a place to vent and other factors drove you but how long was it for you though?

  • Victorian sky
    Victorian sky

    A month after my last meeting, I found this site and it's been a God send. It helped me heal. I read for a while before I posted, at first I was so afraid I would say something that would give my identity away, I didn't want to lose JW family and 'friends'. Now 3 years later, the fear is long gone. I am so happy to be free. For all who are still in, I empathize and wish you all the best. - V Sky

  • freedomlover

    this is an interesting thread from you XBEHERE

    I often think of your situation and wonder how long you will really be able to continue in the predicatment you are in. For me, once I knew it was lies, it was very quick, as you know! lol!

    I think once you are mentally gone you can only do the motions for so long. Someone posted a comment on here last week that resonated with me so much. He said once he knew it was lies he couldn't sing the songs at the KH anymore. The words stuck in his throat. that was me, and I knew when I had gotten to that point I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sacrifice myself that much anymore. I'm the person who likes to rip the bandage off all at once. just get it done with. I often find that the mental agony of wondering what is going to happen is usually far worse than what actually happens.

    I empathize also for those of you who are in your situation. However you go about it, we'd support you.

  • atypical

    I was having major doubts before I finally allowed myself to read "apostate" sites such as this one. Once I did that, it was literally only about a month or two before I quit going to meetings. I just am not able to pretend; and I didn't want to get df'd for openly sharing what I have learned, so I have stayed away ever since.

  • willyloman

    X -

    Circumstances play a big role in the timing of an exit from JWs. I am not certain what yours are. In my case, I started lurking here and did so for at least a year before I started posting in '03. I only started posting when it was clear to me that my continued allegiance to the organization was coming to an end. In fact, my first post was to ask others here if I should take a chance and tell my wife about this forum or just keep "studying."

    As it turned out, my wife had many of the same doubts I had and in no time at all I was running out threads on the forum and sharing them with her and we were having very long discussions. It became clear we'd both had doubts for a long time, but whenever one of us would express them, the other would offer words of "encouragement" and those doubts would be set aside for a time.

    But once we could see many others had the same doubts, and were confronted by the WTS history of lies and deception, there was no turning back for either of us. We started to share with our adult children and found they had doubts of their own but never felt comfortable discussing them with their elder father and pillar mom (a former pioneer). Once the cat was out of the bag, so to speak, they were quite vocal about their disappointments with the organization and its teachings.

    Since we had almost no other family in the cult, that made it pretty easy to plan and implement our exit strategy and within months of my first post on JWD, I had resigned as an elder and began to be frequently absent from meetings because of family health issues (some real, some exagerrated).

    Finally, we "moved" to another congo and never showed up there. There was remarkably little follow-up on us. One of the elders from our "old" congo came by twice in a year to see how we were doing. No one else came over or called, which amazed us. The secretary from the congo to which we had "moved" got our cards and called to see where we were. I told him we had serious health problems to sort through but to hang onto our cards as we would no doubt be showing up at the KH as soon as we got well. Never heard from him again, either.

    Now, more than two years down the line, we are clearly "marked." Dubs generally avoid us. No one comes to call. My opinion is, the ones who know us best already "know" why we aren't coming and don't want to get into a discussion about it. A sister my wife works with told her she'd like to discuss matters with her but wouldn't because "I don't want to be discouraged." Her tone suggested she envied us for the move we'd made but wasn't ready to go there.

    How long it takes you depends on what you've got to lose and what your dub entanglements are. I wish you a safe and happy journey. It's wonderful on the other side!

  • slimboyfat

    I read my first apostate books in 1999. I have been reading this site since it started, and H2O before that... and I am still going to the meetings semi-regularly. I plan to get married in the kingdom hall late in the year. (see my thread)

    I think once you are mentally gone you can only do the motions for so long

    Going through the motions is eating me alive, I feel depressed often and feel like such a liar pretending to be what I am clearly not inside anymore. Thanks for the encouragement, at least someone knows of and thinks of my predicament.

    How long it takes you depends on what you've got to lose and what your dub entanglements are. I wish you a safe and happy journey. It's wonderful on the other side!
    Willyloman this is really the problem, the entanglements, both mine and wife's family are deep in the doo doo. Elders, MS's, Pioneers, CO's... Thanks also for your encouragement.
  • freedomlover

    "Going through the motions is eating me alive"

    oh man, I hate to hear this but I can totally relate. You are very strong and courageous to do all that you have done for your family and yourself. Only you know when the time is right, and when you've truly had enough. I really believe that when you've truly had enough you won't be able to "control" the situation any more. The situation will take over and it will have a mind of its own.

    you've always got a refuge here.

  • bennyk

    Some leave before coming here. This is true of a number of the "locals" from Wisconsin, including myself.

  • PoppyR

    I read posts here from people that are elders, pioneers etc, and just dont know how they do it! And that's not a criticism, each to their own, but once I realised what a lie I'd been fed I just could not stop myself from speaking about it.

    For myself I came here after a work colleauge pointed out the 607 thing, i was immediately so impressed by every comment that was made being backed up by evidence and very quickly realised I had been blinded for so long.

    The initial couple of months was highs and lows, I felt angry at everything I'd given up, then low because I wondered what the point in life was, then ecstatic because I realised i could do all the things I wanted and not feel guilty (I'm not talking immorality here! Just career, education etc)

    I've recently worked out I've just become 'inactive' as in I haven't put in a report or attended a meeting in 6 months. I think I'm about a quarter of the way to a sucessful fade, but dont count my chickens and know I could be dfed at any time. I am now completely and utterly convinved the 'truth' is anything but. I have had one elder came to call, I think now it must have been when I became inactive. I actually felt sorry for him, I dont think he wanted to be here, and I didn't want him to be here, and he quickly left no doubt feeling he'd done his duty.

    I am very interested to see if I am 'invited' to the memorial, I haven't missed one in my 37 years.. but have decided I am not going off my own back, if my family really want me to go then I shall put in a token appearance, but that will be weird!!

    It's a long slow road, you have years probably of this mental conditioning, allow yourself time, space and come here and find yourself among a strange group of people who know exactly how you feel!

    Thinking of you

    Poppy xxx

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