Please Give Constructive Criticism

by collegegirl21 22 Replies latest social relationships

  • collegegirl21

    Against my better judgment I have decided to write lack of love life. I am so confused with someone right now. Here is my story and sorry if it is long. I met a boy (at this point, I do not think he’s a man) on this site. We hit it off, started talking on AIM and on the phone. The 1st or 2nd night we talked for about 6 hours on the phone. The next night 3 hours & for the most part our phone conversations lasted about an hour if not more each time we talked.

    He was moving out to California because he got DF’ed this past year and he was moving to be with his dad & aunt. After talking, I found out he lied (nothing serious), about his weight, first time he said he was 5’11 and 200lbs. He came clean and said he was 5’11 and 235lbs. I told him that it was not a big deal, that personality was more important. This was last Monday I want to say. Well Tues. I sort of freaked out (he was coming to WI on Friday). I told him I didn’t want him to come, well I was PMSing and right before I talked to him my mom and I had a huge fight over me going to meetings.

    He called me back, I apologized. (Here is where I think I went wrong, guys please feel free to correct me). He said he would call Wed. night after I thought about it and made sure that I still wanted him to come, well on Wed’s with work and school I put in twelve hour days, and I hosted an event for work…so I wasn’t done until 11. So I called him that morning and said, “Hey, this is the only time I will have free (and it was). But I really do want you to come, I’m sorry I freaked out, I was just nervous and insecure especially with the fight between my mom and me.” He said, “That’s ok.” I asked, “Do you still want to come?” He said, “Yes.” I did not hear from him at all that day. So on Thurs. I called him, no answer. I left a message in the morning saying that I was just wondering if he was still coming… no reply… so I called him that night around 8pm, I told him that I received Crisis of Conscience and I was excited to read it.

    So Friday I called and said, “Hey, if you’re not coming, I understand. But can you at least text me and let me know if you are ok.” I text messaged him the same thing, he replied with a text, “I’m ok, call you ltr.” Nothing after that, so Saturday I called & left this message, “You’re not coming, that’s fine. Hope you have a safe trip. Yeah, Bye.”

    Haven’t heard from him since. Sorry about it being long… but I am confused and a little bummed because he is one of the 1st guys that I have connected with about the religion and someone who understands where I am coming from… any ideas anyone? Please give constructive criticism....

  • Scully

    It sounds pretty much like you've already made up your mind... that he's more of a boy than what you're looking for.

    Also, if he's a member here, it's probably not a great idea to bring your private dealings with another poster into the open. Even though you haven't identified him and most of us probably couldn't pick him out of a line up, he may feel like you've betrayed a confidence by posting about your private conversations.

  • serendipity

    Hi cg,

    Before meeting a guy this way, you need to do some background checks and give it a bit of time. Do you have his age, name and address? Have you run a background check on him? You can find a service on the internet and it's fairly cheap - $30. Have you google'd his name to see what turns up?

    Assuming he's ok, when you do meet in person, meet him at a public place in your own vehicle. Do not be alone with him until you feel it is safe.

    I bet your intuition is telling you that the time is not right for this meeting. Don't try to force things and don't chase after him. Guys appreciate you more if they have to work a bit. You're a pretty girl and there will be other guys. Having a former religion in common is not enough for a lasting relationship. All the other things are needed too, so don't put too much emphasis on that.

  • stillAwitness

    Well you know how I feel since we had our little girl talk already chica. I know it is tough to find a companion who understands our crazy little world and perhaps you wanna hold onto this one cause he does. But don't ever settle. If he don't come around then screw him. Good luck! -stillA (from the "still trying to have sex like a man" class)

  • stillajwexelder

    I had an internet relationship -it did not work

  • collegegirl21

    Scully you are right. Thank you Stilla! Your advice helped, I think I am just letting it go, I think I was just trying to make more of it than what it was and so I'm over it.... And stillA... my Messengers are not working, so I will ttyl :) Thanks again everybody.

  • Carmel

    there could be reasonable reasons for his lack of follow through but it sounds to me he is not a very reliable person. Be really, really careful. There's plenty of quality people out there for you to find. Don't make a mistake in desperation to find an empathetic soul!

    Be well!


  • jwfacts

    There are plenty of empathetic souls here for you to talk to and befriend. However I am not sure they make the best long term boyfriends. It may be good to find someone with a 'normal' upbringing to be a boyfriend so that they help you move on with your new life rather than remaining too much in the past.

  • jojochan
    He was moving out to California because he got DF’ed this past year and he was moving to be with his dad & aunt. After talking, I found out he lied (nothing serious), about his weight, first time he said he was 5’11 and 200lbs. He came clean and said he was 5’11 and 235lbs

    I'm sorry sweetie, but your boy is not a man. If he slips up on something like this, what's to say he would'nt cover up something else later on? I don't mean to be all in your ear though, but...You seem cool and sweet full of life and full of trust. Don't settle for less....You are so money!

    Realize it! Take the time now to have buddies, friends to pass the time. At your age a relationship? Now I'm not saying to go and be wild, but just take your time. There are too many trifling boys out there that will tell you ANYTHING. Be careful, use decernment.

    Don't become jaded from a broken, and used and abused heart like me. You will be loved because you love yourself. the positive aura will radiate to the right person. At least I still believe in love.

    Take care.


  • fairchild
    Don't make a mistake in desperation to find an empathetic soul!


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