Guess the movie script

by sass_my_frass 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • sass_my_frass

    Elder Mathias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.
    Mathias [to a guard] Do I say yes?
    Guard Yes.
    Mathias [To the elder] Yes.
    Elder You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering
    the name of our lord, and so as a BLASPHEMER...
    Crowd Ooooh.
    Elder are to be stoned
    to death.
    --------[The crowd look anxious to kill Mathias]
    Mathias Look. I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was 'That
    piece of hallibut was good enough for Jehovah'.
    Crowd Oooooooh!
    Elder BLASPHEMY!!!! He said it again
    Crowd Yes, yes. <etc>
    Elder Did you hear him?
    Crowd Yes, yes. <etc>
    Woman1 Really.
    --------[There is a moment of silence as the elder thinks, after hearing the
    woman's voice.]
    Elder Are there any women here today?
    Crowd [Guiltily] <mumble mumble>
    Elder Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me...
    --------[One of the more impatient women throws a stone and hits mathias on
    the head.]
    Mathias Oh lay off... we haven't started yet.
    Elder Come on. Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.
    Crowd She did, she did, he, he, he, him, him, him, he did.
    [Their voices drop as they realise their mistake.]
    Woman1 Sorry, I thought we'd started. {Said lovelyly.}
    Elder Go to the back. There's always one, isn't there. Now where were we?
    Mathias Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphey, just saying Jehovah.
    Crowd [Shocked] He said it again!
    Edler You're only making it worse for yourself.
    Mathias Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.
    Crowd Ooooooh!
    Elder I'm warning you... If you say Jehovah once more...
    [A stone flys by and hits the elder.]
    Right. Who threw that? Come on. Who threw that?
    Crowd She did she did, he, him, him, him, him, him, him.
    Elder Was it you?
    Woman2 Yes.
    Elder Right...
    Woman2 Well you did say Jehovah.
    [She gets stoned {the blasphemer}]
    Elder Stop, stop. Will you stop that... stop it. Now look. No-one is to
    stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Do you understand? Even, and
    I want to make this absolutely clear; even if they do say Jehovah.
    --------[The skocked women stone the elder to death, ending in the dropping
    of a huge bolder on his fallen body.]
    Woman3 Good shot.

  • gaiagirl

    That sounds like "Life of Brian", with Graham Chapman as Brian? One of the funniest movies I've ever seen.

  • sass_my_frass

    too easy?

  • funkyderek

    Way too easy! Here's one that should prove a little more tricky:

    Right out in the car I happen to have some
    old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will
    go to her apartment and be the pest control
    man. I will spray her apartment. After a
    few minutes you will knock on her door,
    drawing her attention away from me and I
    will then jimmy a window.

    What will I say when she comes to the door?

    You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a
    few "Awake" magazines for you. You don't
    have to keep her very long. a few seconds
    is all I'll need. Whatiya think?

    I don't know. it sounds like a good
    daydream, . but actually doing it is too
    weird. too dangerous.

    Let's just try the first part. If that
    goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one
    will suspect us, because no one would
    believe two people like us would be crazy
    enough to do something like this.

  • bigmouth

    Yes. The world is crawling with closet Pythons.

    Cardinal Bigglesworth

  • bigmouth

    Well, no-ones had a go yet O Funky One so I'm going to try; Jeffrey: Diary Of a Mass Murderer with Adrian Edmonson. Am I on the right track at least?

  • funkyderek
    Jeffrey: Diary Of a Mass Murderer with Adrian Edmonson. Am I on the right track at least?

    I don't know because I can't find anything with that title in IMDB. You're definitely wrong though!

  • Clam

    Blue velvet - David Lynch

  • drew sagan
    drew sagan

    I love that movie. The spaceship chase is the best!

  • deeskis

    "He's not the messiah, he's just a very naughty boy"!


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