If this man has any decency at all, he will understand your caution of how his actions look to you and respect your concern is for the child.
If you feel any reluctance at all in the boy seeing this man, don't let him go. Trust your instincts. You have rights as Grandparents and you are legally caring for the child. I would suggest supervised visitations.
I can only speak from my experiance. I have 5 children all in wedlock from the same man. We divorced when my youngest(a daughter) was 5 months old. At two years old he had not seen her nor payed child support at all. I had him thrown in jail 5 times.
Fineally, he chokes up some money and I am ordered by a judge to let the children go with their father for two weeks..........He lived 1200 miles away. I thought I would die from worry.
When he moved back into the area we lived in I was ordered to let him have visitations.
My daughter is in the hospitol again this weekend for depression. She was exposed to sexual, emotional and mental abuse from this man over the years. He sexually abused his step daughter as well.
He abused my sons (4 of them)
I am not saying this man will do anything to hurt your grandchildren..........but please be very cautious in your decision making process. Don't let yourself get railroaded.
The worse thing about all this is that you learn as you go, learn from your mistakes. Appeal to the judges humaness. He will see the efforts you have made to keep these children together as a family. and never discount what you have done and the impact you are making on these childrens lives. You have been constant, reliable, loving, sacrificing. You have had the good sense to work and support in many ways. What is best for the children?
Again, I can not emphasize enough, go by your gut feelings about this person and those involved in making decisions.
Why has he been away and out of the childs life for so long?
My heart goes out to you all.