I am faced with serious decisions here - Can you help me find the answer?..

by AK - Jeff 24 Replies latest social family

  • AuldSoul

    Everyone's advice has been great, so far. Also, keep in mind that child support is supposed to be for the care of the child. If "dad" hasn't been paying it, once paternity is determined he will possibly owe child support retroactively but will certainly be expected to pay going forward until the 18th birthday. Some men would rather not even establish paternity when that eventuality is suggested.

    Maybe you could meet with the young man without the children present? You might discover that he's a great guy that you wouldn't mind having as part of your little family.


  • purplesofa

    If this man has any decency at all, he will understand your caution of how his actions look to you and respect your concern is for the child.

    If you feel any reluctance at all in the boy seeing this man, don't let him go. Trust your instincts. You have rights as Grandparents and you are legally caring for the child. I would suggest supervised visitations.

    I can only speak from my experiance. I have 5 children all in wedlock from the same man. We divorced when my youngest(a daughter) was 5 months old. At two years old he had not seen her nor payed child support at all. I had him thrown in jail 5 times.

    Fineally, he chokes up some money and I am ordered by a judge to let the children go with their father for two weeks..........He lived 1200 miles away. I thought I would die from worry.

    When he moved back into the area we lived in I was ordered to let him have visitations.

    My daughter is in the hospitol again this weekend for depression. She was exposed to sexual, emotional and mental abuse from this man over the years. He sexually abused his step daughter as well.

    He abused my sons (4 of them)

    I am not saying this man will do anything to hurt your grandchildren..........but please be very cautious in your decision making process. Don't let yourself get railroaded.

    The worse thing about all this is that you learn as you go, learn from your mistakes. Appeal to the judges humaness. He will see the efforts you have made to keep these children together as a family. and never discount what you have done and the impact you are making on these childrens lives. You have been constant, reliable, loving, sacrificing. You have had the good sense to work and support in many ways. What is best for the children?

    Again, I can not emphasize enough, go by your gut feelings about this person and those involved in making decisions.

    Why has he been away and out of the childs life for so long?

    My heart goes out to you all.


  • Thegoodgirl

    And one more thing. It's great what you and your spouse are doing. My grandmother just died this week. I was just really really sad, and was trying to figure out why. I realized that she and my grandfather really have been that stability in our lives that our parents unfortunately just couldn't provide (Dad with mental illness, mom a JW and her own undiagnosed issues). One day, those three kids will realize what you did for them and be truly thankful. Especially at this age, you are definetly helping shape their lives and their own self-images that they will carry on throughout their lives.

  • Sparkplug

    I know that if he has not had contact with the child for a certian amount of years, they concider it abandonment and you can legally take away his rights. I would check what time period that is where you are.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Just a brief update on the matter: So far, no sign of the guy. All the thought and concern from you on the forum has been wonderful, and very consisitent in the stream of thought we have maintained on the course of action. Thanx for the support. Hopefully the matter will be of little significance in the end, due to his lack of serious concern enough to even contact us. That would be the ideal at this point.


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