Are children better off believing in some form of faith?

by FreedomFrog 40 Replies latest jw friends

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  jgnat

  Here's food for thought. At your son's stage of development, he needs faith in his parents. This is the age where they argue endlessly on the playground whose daddy is the strongest, smartest, bravest. Their identity is intimately tied to yours. I believe children are more secure having their faith confirmed. Work on reassuring your son about unstated fears, like, for instance, that you will love him forever and ever and ever and ever. I personally think we were born with eternity in our hearts. We like to think there are some things that transcend time and frailty.

  AlmostAthiest, I know this is not a strictly true statement, as it is possible for an adult child to do something so henious that you would be forced to cut them off. But being strictly honest about eternal love I figure, is a conversation best left when they are older. Say, when they're about sixty years old.
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  IMustBreakAway

  Where do you get that "power". That motivation to go on?

  I am "almost an atheist" myself. That power comes from me. I am directly responsible for everything that happens in my life. My attitude about what happens in my life, and how i choose to react. I also am rather unemotional i can choose which emotions i let affect me. I choose not to be afraid.
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  FreedomFrog

  To Frog I would say, I can trace ALL of my childhood phobias, fears, nightmares etc to a "belief" in the supernatural (god , angels, devils, demons, what have you) that my parents and their blessed "religion" implanted in my mind. I didnt really have any peace of mind until I finally left all that bogeyman nonsense behind me and abandoned all belief in the supernatural. I never adopted the term "atheist" because I think it implies a "negation" of something, when of course you cant "negate" something that did not exist in the first place (i.e. subtract zero from zero). But I digress. I think children are sophisticated enough to draw their own conclusions about the reality of existence and I propose that children being taught to accept as reality things for which there is not a shred of logical evidence are only being set up for a really big crash when the inevitable reality of life touches them. Your son sounds like a very bright, intelligent and logical little boy.

  I understand what you mean...but then you have the side of fear of death. A fear of "this is it". He's scared shit at times of us, him and others dying. He gets a comfort knowing that he may very well get a chance to "move on". For me, I'd rather be in fear of the "bogeyman" and have faith that someone or something out there has more power to protect me than to live out of fear that I'm not protected in any way. I have faith when I get in my car that I will be protected from my Higher Powers. And if I didn't have that faith, I'd be scared and panicy that this might be the last time I drive because of getting in an accident.

  Why invent a male deity and then by a leap of imagination and faith act as if he were real? The next thing is that you need other people, close to you, to believe as well. If enough people join you the god becomes more of a reality. Talking to him helps keep him alive - of course he will never reply. Everyone needs some illusions to get through life but the god one just doesn’t work for so many people nowadays. If you must inflict such trickery on your son, why not get him to believe in someone nice? Father Christmas will only bother him once a year to bring him presents. He will not judge or threaten him. And he even has a comfortable lap to sit on.

  Well, first off, I don't believe in god as most do. I believe in a Higher Power...or energy-for lack of better words. And that this/they/he/she/it's energy can be tapped into, because I have had things happen to me, my family, one "by chance" to many. Especially the times I've "prayed" and those "prayers" are answered. Why not believe in that "magic" of life? Why close it down because you can't see "Them"? I think it makes life more interesting and fun to have a bit of "illusion" if it may really end up being that. I enjoy having that "child-like" mind and enjoy the connection I feel with my Higher Powers. And I want my children to be able to experience that to.
• 

  Scully

  ((((FreedomFrog))))

  I think you and AA are one of the nicest couples to ever grace this forum. I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch at the moment, sometimes life hits the fan and leaves a huge mess for us to deal with. All I can do is give you both a hug and tell you that if you can hang in there, it will get better.

  Have you ever thought that both you and Dave are giving your children the best of both worlds? You get to teach them the comforting power of ritual and faith, and Dave's example teaches them to have faith in themselves just as much as you teach them to have faith in something external.

  Growing up in the JWs, I believed (and most of us who grew up JW believed) that we had no control over anything, that whatever happened in life was at Jehovah's pleasure - "Jehovah willing" my dad would say when we'd talk about going somewhere other than camping for vacation, and then when we went camping anyways, we weren't supposed to be mad at Jehovah for squashing our hopes. Through all that, I never learned the value of having faith in myself... no matter what I did, if it wasn't what Jehovah wanted, my plans were meant to fall through. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy, really. In the words of Homer Simpson, "If at first you don't succeed, why bother trying?" No wonder I went through my 20's in a state of depression!!

  It wasn't until after we left the JWs that I learned how to have faith in myself. We've gone through a variety of crises and stresses, but it didn't affect me the same way they would have if we were still JWs who believed that whatever happened to us was Satan the Devil testing us, or Jehovah allowing us to be tested, and we just had to accept it. Now - being self reliant and having faith in our ability to do what is in our family's best interests - we just do whatever needs to be done to get where we want to be. Little by little, it does get better, and ten years down the road, you'll probably be right where you want to be and wonder how you managed to find the strength to get through everything you're going through now.

  Mr Scully has resumed his RC beliefs - he was never a churchgoer growing up, but the rituals and holidays were meaningful to him then and they still have meaning for him now. My experience with the JWs led me to atheism ultimately, but I'm a happier person for it because my life no longer feels like it's out of my control - I can manage things that are thrown at us and realize that I have it in me to cope with it and be successful in spite of it.

  You both have an excellent opportunity to show your children the positive things about both your belief systems. Why not run with it and see where it goes?

  Luv ya!
• 

  unique1

  I have no kids so you can just ignore this if you wish. If it were my I would sit down with my husband and both explain our beliefs to him. Let him know he can believe whatever he feels comfortable with. Let him know we all have a brain that gives us individuality and the ability to make informed decisions. If there are any books that explain the basics of all different beliefs then maybe he should read one so he can see the differences. As long as you raise a child up with morals and values I think they will turn out fine, no matter what religion or belief system they belong to.
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  trevor

  Well, first off, I don't believe in god as most do. I believe in a Higher Power...or energy-for lack of better words.

  Ah! FreedomFrog

  I agree with what you are saying and have belief in the life force myself. It is based on experience and awareness and requires no faith.

  It is the god of the bible that I find implausible.
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  FreedomFrog

  Most of my fears originated with a belief in a "god" and evaporated along with my belief in said deity.

  In that case, I understand why you would feel this way. But, most of my fears are from nothing being out there. Whether they are true or not is beside the point. No one on the face of this earth can prove or disprove an entity. So why activity "teach" someone that there ISN'T when you can't prove that there isn't?
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  daystar

  I think that they are. And I also disagree strongly from AA in that I think the parents' beliefs have a huge impact on the way a child believes, though it may not mean that they end up believing the same as the parents in the long run.

  I am somewhere in between you and AA as far as beliefs go. Depending upon the person I'm speaking with, I may seem to be an atheist, or a pagan. I've been accused of being a Christian as well as a Satanist. I'm really none of those things, or perhaps a bit of all of them.

  Now, my son... well, he has questions. I don't give him direct answers for a couple of different reasons:

  1. What I tell him is my own opinion from my own experiences and may not end up ringing true to him.
  2. Whatever his experience, it will be much stronger if he finds out for himself, with guidance, rather than someone just saying "this is how it is."

  My son says he believes in Jehovah as the creator of everything. I don't challenge that. I question him in order to get him to consider things and discover more about what he believes. For example, he has decided that Jehovah is female, that God is female. I tell him that I think that is interesting because I think God is neither male nor female, but both. I don't challenge though at this point. There are many who believe as he does. But I want him to keep thinking.

  That being said, I do think that it is not appropriate for a child to be faced with the meaninglessness and, often, hopelesses that often goes along with a lack of faith in anything. There are pitfalls there to him leading a happy and productive life.
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  kid-A

  I have faith when I get in my car that I will be protected from my Higher Powers. And if I didn't have that faith, I'd be scared and panicy that this might be the last time I drive because of getting in an accident

  Hmmm, well what stands out in this for me is that this seems to be faith rooted in fear. Which I think would probably would not be a healthy reason for having faith. I mean, statistically, what are the odds you will be in an accident? Exceedingly low. The fear is not based on any rational reason. I think the same thing applies to death. First, the worst case scenario for death is that we just cease to be, and fall into an eternal unconsciousness of which we will not even be aware. I dont see that as frightening at all, in fact its rather comforting to be honest. Second, death makes us truly appreciate the life we have been given and compels us to live our lives now to the fullest extent possible rather than putting off our real lives in expectation of some hypothetical afterlife for which we have no real foundation to believe in. Frankly, lots of people have faith, but when that faith is born out of fear, I believe it is unhealthy and symptomatic of other unresolved issues in our lives.
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  kid-A

  So why activity "teach" someone that there ISN'T when you can't prove that there isn't?

  Yes I would agree with that, but it goes both ways. I think one should let the child arrive at a conclusion based upon their own development and understanding of the evidence. Clearly state that this is what "you" believe or this is what "dave" believes and allow them to consider both sides from all angles.