If I were to study with her and the 'sister', I am not sound enough in my knowledge of scripture to be able to defend my beliefs, and I know that the dub will be loaded with the answers and questions to make me look unknowledgeable in front of my wife and I am concerned that this will maybe lead her to possibly think that the dubs are the true religion.
Like JGnat said, don't be intimidated by the JW doctrine. They know about 100 verses REALLY well... but get them away from their canned responses, or publications and they are absolutely lost. It is very polished, but it is very superficial.
You also need to establish some defense for yourself. If a person beleives something is true, and another person doesn't, they have two choices. They can consider that they might be wrong (impossible for a jw), or they can assume the other person is wrong. If the other person is certainly wrong they are either ignorant (don't know the truth) or they are evil (they don't want to know the truth). Your best position is ignorance!!!
some threads on trust, defense, strategies I posted....
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/87495/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/88762/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/93091/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/95866/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/97144/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/101844/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/105174/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/107832/1.ashx
But don't even try to get into the Bible or doctrine. You will need to eventually, because it sounds like you are a Christian and you are going to be given a lot of grief over your beliefs. Don't put up with it. If you can't give a good explanation or refutation, just say, "I need time to think about that, Jw's have come up with these arguements over 100 years. I am hearing them only for the first time." And don't be afraid to say, "I am not convinced that is true." That is a safe place. You aren't agreeing, which is important to make clear... on the other hand you are not disagreeing. THe problem is that position is temporary and sounds weak. Eventually you will need to be able to articulate a defense of your faith when pressed. There are books for that when the time is right.
Right now be less concerned with the "what" of faith. Be more concerned with the "how". Because if your "how" is sound then you will end up with the most accurate "what". The Jw's don't have a very good "how". That is why I told you to get that book by Brian McLaren. It will really put some powerful words and ideas in your hands.
But even more important than matters of faith are the "why" your wife needs to believe in the jw's. That is the key. Find that out, and then develop strategies that will allow you to slowly fulfill that need.
You need to think strategically here. You need to figure out what you think the situation is, and act accordingly. You also need to come up with contingencies in case the situation is more serious than you thought. I am most curious about your wife's certainty that the jw are the truth. You might have this small problem that you can easily nip in the bud. Asking alot of questions is the best medicine right now. Once you now how serious she is, we can help you plan some long term strategies.
A common rookie mistake is to think there is one thing, a knockout punch, that will make this all go away. You almost have to learn this the hard way. This problem is solved slowly overetime by creating constant conditions and environment that makes it more difficult for your wife to live in her supsended reality. Hopefully this is not a serious case, and we can wrap this up in short order. But be ready for the long haul.... years even.
The haunting question for every ubm (especially if they have no kids) is how long do I stay in this before I get on with my life leaving my spouse to their self-imprisonment. You can only answer that for yourself. You do probably have an obligation here. You can't just let some abusive person bowl over your wife. That is probably the best analogy to work from; an abusive partner.
And finally realize that this is completely out of your hands. You can make for ripe conditions for your spouse to free herself from the mind control haze... but it is ultimately her decision. That is the reality and desperation of the ubm life. You will see glimmers of hope and moments of despair. One day they seem ready to exit. The next day they just can't be more "spiritual". You have to learn to ride out the emotional roller coaster.
Ok, I think you have a good summary of everything I have learned in the last year as a ubm and my thoughts as to how to apply it to your situation. Get some more info on your situation, and ask alot of questions. CYP
And get those books!!! Especially the ones about cults!!! That is the most important knowledge you need to be taking in right now!!!
CYP
