If you let others make you made, you're giving away your power. You have the choice to get angry or not. I think that if you ask yourself "why do I find xyz behavior so annoying?" you'll come away with some insights to your own hot buttons. And just keep in mind that anger (or annoyance) is a secondary emotion. Usually the underlying emotion is fear.
That is not, in my mind, how married people are supposed to act. Married people are supposed to work things out so everyone is respected.
In the situation with your wife, it sounds like you have expectations about the discussion/negotiation process itself. It would also be good to discuss that with your wife.