It's not what they believe that we despise, it's how they behave!

by Check_Your_Premises 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • serendipity

    Hi CYP,

    If you let others make you made, you're giving away your power. You have the choice to get angry or not. I think that if you ask yourself "why do I find xyz behavior so annoying?" you'll come away with some insights to your own hot buttons. And just keep in mind that anger (or annoyance) is a secondary emotion. Usually the underlying emotion is fear.

    That is not, in my mind, how married people are supposed to act. Married people are supposed to work things out so everyone is respected.

    In the situation with your wife, it sounds like you have expectations about the discussion/negotiation process itself. It would also be good to discuss that with your wife.

  • 95stormfront

    I've begun to recognize and respond in this very way when my wife goes on one of her JW perfectionist tangents.

    Why are you sticking your finger in my face telling me what is right and wrong. Do you want me to do that to you?

    More and more my wife is beginning to do this with me. Whereas I used to just not bother answering so that she'd shut up figuring that I'd rather be happy than right, I find myself now pointing out to her how she's being ridiculously condescending and mean by her constant challenges and circumventing comments to damn near every decision I make, every opinion I have if it doesn't line up with whatever WT psychobable she comes up with. Does she really want me challenging everything she does?

  • MsShockJock

    You might try saying something like is that how Jesus would treat people or talk to people, or do you think Jesus would approve of you treating your husband in such a condescending way. It's just a thought. Sometimes witnesses forget they are supposed to be christians and acting as Jesus would.

  • Calliope

    i will start with a sheepish apology... i will be the minority here. maybe... give your wife... some time?

    i was that wife. perhaps my circumstances were different, but my resistance and near arrogance were the result of sheer fear. and frustration. and uncertainty. and doubt.

    i wanted to believe the truth. i wanted to ignore my doubts. i wanted to play dumb and ignorant in hopes of not having to confront what turned out to be inevitable...

    it took patience and time.

    of course, i already had doubts (and perhaps your wife will never question any of the wits views). So for me, the transition into accepting the doubts and researching them was just waiting to happen.

    and here i am today.


  • M.J.

    Wonderful to hear your perspective, Calliope.

    Cool avatar, BTW.

    I really do sense the type of feelings you describe in my wife. She's afraid. I'm afraid of pushing reality on her too hard.

    Anyway, I definitely look forward to hearing more of your story in the future!

  • AuldSoul


    I believe EVERY Jehovah's Witness has sincere, very deeply disturbing doubts. They cover for it with expressions like "wait on Jehovah."

    If you think about it, every time someone uses that expression what they are actually saying is, "Yes, I agree there are real serious issues that should be changed but I have to wait for the bOrg to issue the directives before I can change."

    For them to remain Witnesses there is only one real necessity as far as beliefs go: They must remain afraid that it is God's organization after all. As long as that fear remains, anyone can rationalize ANYTHING the organization says or does (or fails to say or do) by the simple mantra, "It is God's organization, we have to wait on Jehovah."

    If Jesus had reasoned that way there would be no Christians.

    If Paul had reasoned that way, ALL Christians would have to adhere to the Law of Moses.

    If Danny Haszard had reasoned that way...well, let's just say a certain JW congregation in Maine would have had an easier go of things.

    If I had reasoned that way, my family would still talk to me but I would feel like I betrayed myself for the small comfort of a bowl of the red.

    Here's to everyone who has been brave enough to be themselves (even in small ways)


  • calico
    Sometimes witnesses forget they are supposed to be christians and acting as Jesus would.

    How true--some of the most cutting remarks and bad behavior that I have ever had directed at me came from my so-called 'sisters'! I'm not so sure that they always forget how to act--some of it had to be on purpose. What is really odd is when others are within earshot and don't defend you!

  • mustang
    But she is not married to me, but rather an abusive spouse... the wt.

    Sounds familiar: After all the lying, stalking, and manipulation that my father pulled on me, I discovered that I wasn't really a son to him. I was just "an objection to be overcome".


  • theinfamousone

    GOD I HATE TALKING TO THEM ABOUT ANY KIND OF HEATED TOPIC... they either repeat the same thing over and over again, say that its not worth their time, or just huff and walk away with their noses in the air... im sure your spouses are wonderful ppl, but damn, i kant stand them sometimes..

    the infamous one

  • mustang

    CYP: your method IS spot-on; that is brilliant.

    So, I sort of did that with my father (now deceased) when I was still talking with him. He was the classic Bro. Nosyashell; actually Nosyashell was a recluse compared to my father.

    I sent the scripture at 1 Pet. 4:15 to him in a letter: "But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or [as] a thief, or [as] an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters." KJV


    "However, let none of you suffer as murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a busybody in other peoples matters." NWT

    That was the one good lick that I got in.


    Who wished for a normal relationship

Share this