by jambon1 30 Replies latest jw friends
In 1986 a middle aged sister confided in me after the sunday meeting that had an especially 'militant' public talk how that she was,"troubled that she didn't know if she loved jehovah enough to withstand being raped at the great tribulation ".
What a demented cult that puts these phobias in an old woman.HELLO! Sunday worship is supposed to make you spiritually refreshed.
Being raised in it was horrible. I used to have a lot of stress related illnesses. Migraines from age 5, endless stomach aches, and panic/anxiety attacks as a preteen. The most innocent things would bring them on, like coloring a snow flake in school and then wondering all the way home if that was "allowed"
I used to have horrible nightmares about the pictures in the publications and wake up in the middle of the night with tears coming down my cheeks, not being able to breathe.
Just think, if as a child someone gave a Valentine to you at school and you liked it, that night, if Armageddon came , you thought you were going to die.
Dams
I did something when I was a child that even today brings tears to my eyes when I think about it:
I had a Polaroid camera. I got out of bed in the middle of the night, gathered my very favorite toys, including an airplane that my dad and I had made of wood, and three of my favorite stuffed animals.
I snuck down the hall to the bathroom and close the door. I turned on the light and each in turn, I set my toys on the toilet lid and took a photo of each one. If never occured to me until later in life why I did this. I kept it a secret from my parents for years.
I also had a recurring dream of losing my parents... well, not so much losing them as them leaving me. They were often leaving in a rocket ship with me at the base of it, not understanding, tears flowing...
The apocalyptic ones didn't really start until after I quit attending (or rather was forced to quit) meetings. That was an entirely new level of horror... waking nightmares, visions of fireballs raining from the sky. The earth opening beneath our feet...
God, I can't stay in this place. It's terribly depressing...
Armageddon I never really believed in that, it just seemed too good to be true that the end and paradise were so near (of course now I don't believe in the JW version of paradise)and soon I began to have many doubts about the validity of the 1914 generation.
As for persecution it bothered me until I realised the JWs were not the true religion and that the R&F were made to suffer for no good cause.
What a demented cult that puts these phobias in an old woman.HELLO! Sunday worship is supposed to make you spiritually refreshed.
My mother cleans for an elderly JW lady. This elderly woman had told my mother that her stereo was posessed by demons because it made a scratchy noise when she turned the volume control. My mother tried telling her that it's just a dirty control (which I taught her).
Really sad.
she was,"troubled that she didn't know if she loved jehovah enough to withstand being raped at the great tribulation ".
That poor, poor woman. That is one of the saddest things I have ever heard.
I'm sure that the fear of Armageddon and the tribulation contributed to my PTSD. I was in constant fear of the tribulation. My biggest fear was being forced into a concentration camp, having my glasses taken from me and then being shot because I couldn't see well enough to work. Ten year olds should not have to worry about this kind of stuff.
This pic above (not from the WT) is nearly identical to a Black and White 2' X 4' "visual aid" that my Elder dad used in public talks all over during the mid 1960's.
That picture is beyond gruesome. Sadly, that doesn't suprise me.
I remember my mom used to tell me that we would probably be seized by the police and then thrown into concentration camps. Even now, I have problems looking at images of the Holocaust, and not just because it was horrific, but because that was what was supposed to happen to me.
Wow , I can not believe the emotions this thread has stirred up inside of me ! Years ago I went through a serious episode of depression that lasted a couple of years. During that time I sought out professional help and I thought then I had really dealt with my inner demons . Mostly I thought my emotional problems stemmed from being raised with an alcoholic father, but I can see now how much damage was caused by sick religious beliefs. Do you think things are any better for young ones growing up in J-dumb now ? Have 2nd and third generation witnesses seen the damage done to them and spared their own children any of that grief ?
As othes have already said, this post brought back the nightmares. That Paradise book, which must be the most inappropriately named book on the planet, was responsible for giving me endless sleepless nights as a child. I lost count of the times I would look at my 'wordly' relatives and friends and try to blot out the visions of their impending death. I realise now that I used to suffer from panic attacks - something that I have only just learnt to deal with 30 years later.
