Help. I need advice with my 12 year old daughter.

by nicolaou 32 Replies latest social family

  • moshe

    Our school district stopped using the word "gifted" in its programs. They now have a "Challenge" program instead.


  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    It's funny this should come up today. I was just remembering yesterday the opportunities I missed because my Mom decided not to have me tested for the gifted program when I was a kid. I wasn't even asked about it. She just decided for me because she didn't want me stigmatized as a gifted learner. She told my teachers just to give me more work to do to keep me challenged.
    I really wish she'd had me tested. I think the challenges of the gifted program would've been healthy for me. I was a well-liked brainy kid and I don't think it would've been an issue. I think that if your daughter has the support of her peers and others around her, she'll soar in this program.
    tall penguin

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    I dont have kids but from my own childhood experiences I agree with scully. I had a chance to go to a summer camp for gifted kids and didnt. What would I have learned the camps specialized in math languages and science. Looking back I can see that those camps wouldn't have helped me along in life (yeah right.)

  • LDH


    Congrats, I'm happy for you!!!!

    One of my favorite techniques is finding examples of OTHER people who pushed themselves. Then it's not just 'mom and dad' saying it. She will have to continue to push herself outside of her comfort zone. People who are athletes are very good at this sort of self-motivation technique.

    I also enjoy showing my 16 year old the classified section of the newspapers where jobs are advertised....Hmmmmm pharmacist for $90/hour or window washer for $7? Hmmmmmm...


  • Elsewhere
    She has lots of friends and I think she doesn't want to jeopardise all this by becoming an official 'geek'.

    It's sad how intelligence is punished by popular culture.

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    Congradulations! She sure is adorable! You must be proud!

  • LittleToe

    I like that. It's surprising what a difference terminology can make

  • GoingGoingGone

    Congratulations to you and your daughter!

    Scully's advice is great. My son was in the exact same situation (he was a little younger, though). He was recommended for the gifted program, which meant leaving his school and joining a class where he knew no one. My son loved his class, had tons of friends, and hates change. He didn't want to join the program at all.

    I told him that I thought he should and that he would make new friends. He wasn't convinced. So I told him that if he hated it, he could return to his old school the following year... he still wasn't convinced..... So we agreed that he would try it out for a half year, and if he didn't love it by then, he could quit.

    It took him all of a week to love the class. He was mentally challenged, but what he loved the most was being surrounded by other kids who were as smart as he was.... I remember him coming home one day, and telling me that he told a joke, and everyone 'got it'... Normally, he would have to explain what he meant because it would go right over the other kids' heads. He made friends that first year that he still has, and he says now that he's soooo glad I made him join.

    Good luck with whatever you decide, and I'm sure your daughter will do great wherever she is!


  • serendipity

    I think if you can find female role models for your daughter to talk with, that would be helpful. Science, technology, math are not the most popular fields with women and not that many girls are interested in those subjects.

    My daughter doesn't like change. She would turn down opportunities without thinking much about it. She also likes to have her free time to pursue 'fun' stuff, and didn't want to spend the extra time pushing herself.

    I would start conversations by sharing with her the opportunities I missed out on. I told her that I wanted her to have more options in life than I did and that she reach her potential. Since my daughter is a bit competitive I also mention that I want her to exceed my accomplishments and her father's.

    When I discussed opportunities with her, I'd ask her how she felt about, if there were things she worried about, how she thought it would change her life. We then took each of her assumptions and got more information which made her more comfortable. I wanted her to make fully informed decisions, and to consider her own feelings and goals. I also ask her to visualize the scenario where she takes on the challenge, is successful, and then to feel the sense of accomplishment. We also use role play to deal with any objections she comes up with - i.e. the kids taunting her.

    This takes some time, and usually multiple discussions, but it's an approach that worked with my daughter.

  • Nosferatu

    When I was your daughter's age, I was always being recruited for various "Talented and Gifted" programs. It was a lot of fun. Well, except for the whole Creative Writing thing. I didn't care for that.

    I was able to work with computers (mind you, they were XTs back in the day) and got to work with video equipment.

    I found it a great way to get the hell out of the boring crap of the daily classroom.

    I'm guessing that there's something else bothering your daughter that's causing her to reject the whole thing.

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